Ask Me Help Desk - Should I give myself a break?

I hold myself to higher standards than everyone else. If it was someone else, I'd tell them it's okay. However, I have a hard time letting myself off the hook.

So I started working a month ago. This Wednesday and Thursday were my days off. Wednesday morning I found out our family dog passed away. She was with us since she was a baby (when I was two) and died at age 17.

Thursday, around midday, my grandma (mom's mom) passed away. She was in her late 80's and had pneumonia. She'd been pretty bad the day before and had many close encounters with death. She was ready.

Today (Friday) I gave blood for the second time in my life (I'm almost 19). I was going to go on my lunch break, but I decided to walk in beforehand so I wouldn't be late, even though my manager said it was OK. I ended up being late anyway, but I rushed to work. I was there 15 minutes before I had to go home or pass out in front of everyone. Last time I was okay, but I think the heat (at least 80) and the rushing did not help matters.

I feel bad about leaving them shorthanded, even though technically I could have taken leave because of my grandma's death. I feel embarrassed that I nearly passed out. I'm worried that this makes me look bad because I had the poor judgment to give blood and then try to work. I don't really want to face everyone tomorrow, but this isn't something I can just run from. Do you think I made myself look really bad to my coworkers and managers? Or do you think they will give me a break and that I should as well.. Thanks.

I believe you made a thorough assessment of your question and came to the right conclusion: "they will give me a break and...I should as well...?" Good job and you can now move on from that issue.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrBill100

I believe you made a thorough assessment of your question and came to the right conclusion: "they will give me a break and...I should as well...?" Good job and you can now move on from that issue.

That's how I want it to be, but I feel like I undermined my credibility. It's not like I just got sick. I gave blood, so I made myself sick by doing that and foolishly thinking I could handle 8 hours in the sun afterward. I even asked permission to be a little late so I could give blood, so I am really kicking myself. I work in a busy section of the store, and often I don't find time to take my breaks with everyone there. Now they are a person short. They're going to be really busy today, so I feel like I really short changed them. I know this isn't grounds to be fired, but I care what they think of me and I hate running out on them like that. Ugh.

We will often look silly or foolish around people we work with, that is called life and being human.

You made some ( several) poor choices and for that you learned a lesson, Use that lesson to learn and prevent similar errors in the future.

Many people have no trouble with giving blood and going to work, I do it all the time, but everyone's different.

They may be mad, co workers may joke with you about it, again, it happened, move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

We will often look silly or foolish around people we work with, that is called life and being human.

you made some ( several) poor choices and for that you learned a lesson, Use that lesson to learn and prevent simular errors in the future.

Many people have no trouble with giving blood and going to work, I do it all the time, but everyones different.

They may be mad, co workers may joke with you about it, again, it happened, move on.

Sorry, I'm sure I sound stupid and irrational. I guess I just want to hear it's okay and they won't be upset or give me a hard time, but I want honesty as well. I can't have it both ways, so I appreciate the truth.

I feel like either I want to give up one of my days off and work to make up for today (which wouldn't necessarily because some days are super busy and understaffed and some are very slow and overstaffed) or not face them. I tend to run from my problems, but I feel like I can't do that anymore.

Thanks for being straight with me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

That's how I want it to be, but I feel like I undermined my credibility. It's not like I just got sick. I gave blood, so I made myself sick by doing that and foolishly thinking I could handle 8 hours in the sun afterward. I even asked permission to be a little late so I could give blood, so I am really kicking myself. I work in a busy section of the store, and often I don't find time to take my breaks with everyone there. Now they are a person short. They're going to be really busy today, so I feel like I really short changed them. I know this isn't grounds to be fired, but I care what they think of me and I hate running out on them like that. Ugh.

"Sorry, I'm sure I sound stupid and irrational. " (?). You sound like a dedicated employee, taking your job seriously and concerned for your associates. Those are positive attributes and will serve as the backdrop for interpreting the described occurrence. The problem you've presented is minor in that context.

I have every confidence that you will come up with the proper means to address this matter when you return to work. In the meantime, if you'd like to take another ten minutes to continue beating up on yourself feel free to do so. But I don't think you should spend any more time than that.

I can really relate to what you are saying because I used to be just like that when I was younger (I'm 48 now so I've had a good long time to work on it!)

What strikes me is the whole thing about having higher expectations for yourself than others. I think everyone reading your post will think that you had an awful lot on your plate and was trying desperately hard to do right in all ways and are probably a model employee most of the time.

I used to be just the same. I look back now and think wow I worked harder than anyone else and hell I'd give me a job anywhere. But I would also give myself permission to fail occaisionally - we all do - and to have the same human needs as everyone else.

I realised over time (a long time) that I was overcompensating for low self-esteem by asking more of myself than was reasonable sometimes. I don't know if this applies to you but will make a suggestion that might help.

Keep a diary. Every so often look back and read what your earlier self said (ok I have the benefit of many years to look back on you will have to make do with much shorter time spans) and see your earlier self as a stranger, or friend - what would you think of how they acted and what advice would you give them? Hopefully in time it will teach you to be a little more forgiving of yourself, then you won't feel so anxious about whether others will forgive you for little things.

Hope that makes sense.

My goal with this job is to not get fired, not make my dad look bad (he works there and lobbyed for me to work there even when I didn't want to), stay busy and make the time pass, do my best, and fly under the radar. This drama makes me stand out negatively and more than I ever wanted to.

When I'm there, I do everything I'm asked and then look for more. If there's no one to give me more direction or if there's nothing significant to do, I tidy the place up. I could take my breaks (two 15 minute breaks), but I rarely do and I have never taken both. I don't like hanging out in the break room because I don't want to socialize. I try to be nice and not throw anyone under the bus or rub anyone the wrong way as there's a lot of drama and everyone has people they like and people they don't.

I'm just worried that this incident will stand out more than the effort I put in. My dad tells me my managers like me and how they tell him I do a good job (they tell me too, but I just take it as that's what they are supposed to do and it's nothing personal). He told me today that he overheard the specialist in my area saying I'd do this one task essential to my department today (before I got there) because I'm the only one who knows how to do it right, but I can't accept that as truth.

I'm just really stressing myself out and running myself ragged (not as sore as I was, but it's a very hands on place and my back still aches after three days with no work). I don't care if they love me, I just want to do my time and not upset anyone..

I just need validation and to hear it's OK to forgive myself and that this isn't as bad as I'm making it. However, I've always felt that if I am hard on myself, then no one else will have to be. I guess I kind of believe in karma. And yes, I have low self esteem.

Thank you both. I've almost stopped kicking myself (it keeps coming up, kind of like vomit). Only tomorrow will tell if I can let it go or not..

"I just need validation and to hear it's ok to forgive myself and that this isn't as bad as I'm making it."

Validation provided. Permission granted.

However, by my calculation you still have 3 min and 17 sec remaining for self flagellation if you care to use it.