My sister is twelve and she is out of control,she dominears my mother,breaks up the house,and is very verbally abusive towards her.I don't know what to do,I'm 21 and I moved out a long time ago because me and my mother didn't get along ( long story,she had a drinking problem,I was sick of it) so I left,anyway she cleaned her act up and hardly drinks now(mainly because if she does my sister will go crazy at her)but my younger sister is out of control,and she treats the house like crap,when she doesn't get her way,she will smash and break things,she'll curse constantly and she always fights with my smaller sister who's 9.. I feel guilty because if I were there maybe she wouldn't have gotten so "out of hand" her father doesn't live with us,and contacting him is not an option,either is me moving back in an option.I just really want to know how she can get help and stop all this anger that's in her,my mam is lost for help and depressed over the whole thing,she lets both of them walk all over her,and whenever I go out to see them I have to " take charge" they treat her like crap and I'm sick of it!My mam thinks sarah(the twelve year old) might need concilling to help her,but she doesn't know who to turn to or talk to about it,can anyone help me ? It would be very helpful if you could point me in the right direction of someone who might be able to sort my sister out,I'm beginning to hate her and the way she treats my mam.should my mam consult a doctor about her behavior?

It sounds like there really needs to be some family counseling. You sister definitely needs help to sort out why she is so angry, it probably has to do a lot with the fact that your mother used to drink so much and a male figure is not present in the household. Your mother is the only one who can take charge of her home. She needs to be willing to step up to the plate and demand respect from her children, a counselor can help give her the tools she needs to bring order back to her home. Also, counseling only works if the people involved want to make the change for the better.

Please talk to your mother about FAMILY counseling. Your sister needs help in dealing with her anger issues, but your mother and littler sister also need help. Your little sister sees this behavior and is probably a victim of it to an extent, and when your mother does not step up and take control, she in enabling the 12 year olds behavior. She obviously has issues as well (perhaps guilt over her past drinking, not having a father for the children around,etc.) that she needs help with so that she can be the mom that your sisters need.

If your monther has health insurance for herself and the girls, she should check to see what type of coverage she has (my health insurance allows unlimited out patient mental health visits to a doctor/therapist of my choice for this calendar year, for example). If she does not have this type of coverage, look in your local Yellow Pages under the Community Service numbers and you can find help under Heath Services, Human Services (Children and Family Services), or Mental Health. Someone from one of those services can help you find services that are free or offered at a reduced cost. Or, if your mom and sisters are currently seeing a family doctor, they can also help refer them to a good therapist or counselor.

Try to find someone that will treat your family as a group, as well as work with your sisters and mom individually. They each have their own issues, and they also have issues as a group.

You are a great big sister and daughter to try to help them get back on an even keel. I wish you the best of luck!

being the older sister is a tough role. It's great that you can be there but unfortunately its really your mother who ultimately has to take charge. You can't be there every minute of the day and until your mother can take charge, your sister will continue to walk all over her. Counseling really is a great idea. Maybe even some parenting classes. Maybe you can help your mother get the resources she needs to take control. Besides, you're the sister, not the mother. You don't want the relationship with your sisters ruined by having to take on a maternal role. Wouldn't it be more fun if when you came over it was for painting nails or a movie night instead of having to come over for discipline? If its possible, maybe a night or two at your place now and then would be beneficial for your sister too. You could work it like a reward system, if your sister does x,y, and z (maybe not fights with anyone for a week, does her chores, and gets all her homework done) you and her go out for a movie, or ice cream, or she has a sleepover with you at your place.

Family counseling and parenting classes for your mother would probably be a good place to start. It sounds like she doesn't have the tools to do what she knows she needs to do. If she isn't already, a support group for alcoholics might help her learn how much she has been over-compensating for the drinking problems. It's a fairly common problem for someone to go from one problem to another if he/she doesn't have (or isn't using it) a good support system consisting of not just family and friends but those who 'have been there, done that'.

Your sister's school counselor may be able to give some suggestions about what steps should be taken and people who could help for reduced fees/free.

How does your sister act at school or other places? If she has problems outside the house, too, she may have a bigger problem than just how she deals with home life. There could very easily be physical issues as well as emotional.

Good luck.

Maybe try and organize a relaxing holiday with no drinks also family Counciling is a great idea as I have a little sister and she goes mental

My sister is mental family counciling is a great idea. You should try and take charge in your family