We have been together for 6 years now. The first five I never dreamed of cheating on him. I have been tired with him because I want to get married and he is in no rush or to even have a baby. I get frustrated with him because he makes me feel like I am never going to get these things. None of this is an excuse for what I have done lately. First I cheated on him by sleeping with someone else. Then we were working to get over that but it seemed like he never shows any interest in me so I get hurt and upset. So lately I had been going out with a girlfriend of mine. Well one of her male friends wanted to talk to me, so I allowed it and I ended up kissing him, and talking to him over face book. It was so stupid, I was not even interested in him. Normallly I am a faithful person and I have no problems being that but now I cannot convince the one that I really want to be with that. What can I do? I know my story sounds bad but I really do love him and I just know what I want. I want a family and I need him to be willing to give me that but I need his trust first. At the same time I can understand where he comes from because who cheats twice in such a short time?

It would be much easier to advise you if you were not so hard on yourself.From reading your story the first thing that stood out clearly to me is the fact this man has been dragging his feet for way to long,what does that really say about his commitment to you and his desire to to marry and have family with you?
I would have given him an ultimatum long ago,since that is the only way to know for certain where he really stand in his depth of love and desire if any to commit to a life with you.You say you kissed someone, this is not an issue nearly as big as the one I stated above.Most women would have walked away long before.Your guilt is not healthy or fair to you at all.What about his lack of interest?If you rally feel you are the one at fault please seek counceling.You are not at fault.In fact, I would not concern myself about gaining his trust,you spent 6 years trying to gain a husband and it got you nowhere.The truth is in my opinion this man is a wste of your time.But if you insist on pursuing the relationship continue I do hope you seek professional advice,you need to see an outsiders perspective,I do wish you the best.Please stop beating yourself up,for his shortcomings.

You're right, no excuses for cheating.

Five solid years is commitment. You weren't getting what you wanted and you made it clear to him, and now his trust in you is gone so marriage and a family with this man is even further out of reach. Are you prepared to spend a good chunk of time repairing the trust, with a chance of returning to the status quo?

Six years is a long time to be in a relationship without a marriage proposal, if that was what you were expecting.

But, solving the impasse by sleeping with someone else, and kissing another man wasn't the answer either.

While he was forgiving after your affair, and trying to trust you again, once gain you slip with the second male.

I'm sure by now you wish that you had handled things differently, and made decisions without compromising yourself, and your relationship. You could have insisted on counselling, you could have tried harder to get a direct answer as to when he might marry you, or if you were sure he was never going to fully commit, you could have left him, and then started looking for another relationship.

While I understand your frustration at investing six years of your life with a man who is still unable to set a date, I don't know that this will ever work out after what has happened.

If you consider counselling with him, and he refuses to address the issues, then I guess you have your answer. Time to move on.

How old are you?

I understand that you're frustrated that he hasn't asked you to marry him, but cheating definitely set that back. I also know you're aware of that.

Is he willing to try and work things out or has he decided that he can't get over your unfaithfulness?

A lot depends on him now. If he's willing to work on trusting you again then I'd recommend counseling for both of you.

If he's not willing to work on it then I'm afraid that this ship has sailed. He has every right to choose to walk away. It's really up to him.

I too would like to know how old you both are. This sounds quite childish.

You will never get what you want by using sex and infidelity as a weapon.

Forgive yourself, and move on.

You don't want to live your life on "probation".

While yes, five years was a long time, but it wasn't an engagement period. He hadn't made any promises.

I think that you cheated because you wanted to, and now you are regretful.

Good luck next time.

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Originally Posted by poppa1

We have been together for 6 years now. The first five I never dreamed of cheating on him. I have been tired with him because I want to get married and he is in no rush or to even have a baby. I get frustrated with him because he makes me feel like I am never going to get these things. None of this is an excuse for what I have done lately. First I cheated on him by sleeping with someone else. Then we were working to get over that but it seemed like he never shows any interest in me so I get hurt and upset. So lately I had been going out with a girlfriend of mine. Well one of her male friends wanted to talk to me, so I allowed it and I ended up kissing him, and talking to him over face book. It was so stupid, i was not even interested in him. Normallly i am a faithful person and i have no problems being that but now i cannot convince the one that i really want to be with that. what can i do? i know my story sounds bad but i really do love him and i just know what i want. i want a family and i need him to be willing to give me that but i need his trust first. at the same time i can understand where he comes from because who cheats twice in such a short time?

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So many of you do cheat more than two times in a very short time. The only advice I have for you is to forget about this guy or you will become saying "Iam sorry" all the time while you are together. Is hard to accept this but dreaming of marriage with a guy you have cheated on is quit an unreasonable decision especially if he had been very faithful to you. It might turn to hurt you more.

First, how old are you? Because if you were together for 6 years and it started in HS, then I understand the no rush to get married. It's already been said, but now that you have cheated, you can all but kiss marriage and a family goodbye because there is no trust at all, and he has every right not too. You need to decide if you can proceed without a marriage proposal

It seems this 6 year long relationship did not grow stronger & fruitful, but failed to set the date, and now it is self failing.
When the committed relationship reaches at some point, both partners have to make a decision either get ultimatum or walk away.

You blame yourself, and other people here also blame you, but my approach is different.
I WOULD NOT WAIT ANYONE FOR 6 YEARS to get married. I know my value, and my life is precious as others, and I will not hang around to get married anyone for 6 years. If he is the one, he should know if he is madly in love with me or not after a couple of years of dedicated relationship.

I will say, you clearly communicate with him clearly and for last, and find out his mindset. If he wants to marry you, fine, work out on the issue, and please get married. If he has still problems with you, indecisive, give you execuses on and on and on, just cut the loss and walk away. While you are hanging there to hold dead relationship, you are losing THE opportunity to find THE ONE who will cherish for the rest of life.

Why on earth you want to marry & having children with someone, who is still not sure about you after 5-6 years?

You do now what you should have done before you lowered yourself to cheating TWICE!!

You leave, and don't look back, and find what you want else where. This well is poisoned.