Hi,

A little background before I start talking. Me and my ex had been going out for 2 years. We had a break about 2 months ago, just to sort ourselves out. WE wrote lists What not, and everything was going swimmingly.

I was at her family's place few weekends ago, and everything was fine we were both extremely happy.

Then on Monday afternoon she calls me saying we need to talk, saying she loves me but is not "in love with me". She feels like we have become friends, but she love me more than a friend? Her sister called me after as we are close, and said she's confused we should have space and maybe try and be friends.

About me, I've had 6-7 relationships short long medium term and I'm almost 24,she's 23. I'm very sure this girl is the one and only for me. I have never felt this way about anyone ever.

So fast forward a week or two after following the NC rules. I sent an sms to my friend, but it sent to her by accident.. (sounds cliché , but honest mistake on my part). Just small talk I said wrong person.

The following day she calls/sms's saying we have a bond and she wants to be friends with me. I don't deny we have a bond, I think she is scared she is going to lose me, as I haven't really been friends with my ex's.

I told her my feelings about her so I'll have to trade off my feelings to be her friend. I told her its selfish to call me just cause you want to talk as it doesn't help us both, she said she misses me and misses my company. We spoke a little, and it seemed civil and mature a few jokes and then we parted.

What should I do now? I want to be her boyfriend, but I know that can't be right now.
I'm of the believe as well if I be her friend later on we could be stronger, am I naïve?
I really do see my future with this girl, I've never felt like this about anyone.. Should I be her friend or should I let her go, and hope she comes back...

My heads exploding... any thoughts/opinions please

You go back to NC and move on with your life.

Friendship now,while you are not over the breakup is not going to work.

Yes, she may miss you and what you had,but you need to do what's best for you now.

Don't wait around in limbo hoping for something that may never happen.

You have to get over the break up and over her first before any form of true friendship can occur. If you guys stay friends and she gets a new boyfriend how will you react? Save yourself the pain by going no contact, create a life that doesn't include her till you are ready.

You go NC until you can sort things out yourself, you are in no shape to be friends with her yet

If you are smart and seems you are, stay NC. Good Luck

Thanks for the advice

I should probably add that me and my ex never really we're friends before going out we we're pretty full on for 2 yrs.
So I don't see friendship as an issue.

I will continue with the no contact.Its just I'm so used to making her happy, I know I'm the only person who can do that(for now).

But as I said to her, she made the decision. Um just another question we are both traveling overseas in about 3-4 months. She's going with family, I'm going with friends different countries, she wants to keep in touch.. .

Am I being inconsiderate by thinking that I don't want to do that. I feel as if she is uncertain and she just wants me there until she decides or moves on. I feel she wants me yet isn't sure, and wants to put me on hold. I'm not too sure how I feel about that.. .

Don't think yourself inconsiderate for not wanting to be the fallback guy,or the backup plan-thats what it would amount to.

Go do your own thing,travel and enjoy your travels,and go no contact all the way.

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Originally Posted by amicon

Dont think yourself inconsiderate for not wanting to be the fallback guy,or the backup plan-thats what it would amount to.

Go do your own thing,travel and enjoy your travels,and go no contact all the way.

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Live your life to the fullest!:)

But I don't see myself as a back up plan, but I do see what your saying. In saying that, I didn't make the decision therefore, she should really accept it. Because no matter how much I love or care for her, I can't let my future mental state deteriorate on hopes and dreams or a whim that we may or may not get back together.

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Originally Posted by onto_the_next_one

but i don't see myself as a back up plan, but i do see what your saying. In saying that, I didn't make the decision therefore, she should really accept it. Because no matter how much i love or care for her, i can't let my future mental state deteriorate on hopes and dreams or a whim that we may or may not get back together.

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She is out of your life and good luck too her! Don't let her pull you back!

I don't know I'm just not sure, you guys are right should be all about me right now. I can't be her support network after all this, its pretty immature. What do I say if she wants to talk because I'm assuming she wants to talk at the same level we were at when we were together, its so easy to go back to that. I'm weak, she truly has a hold on me(not in a bad way)

You tell her that you need time alone to heal.

You make choices and decisions for your own self now-you decide what serves you best-its not about what she needs or wants.

Once the relationship is over,all the girlfriend priviligies are null and void.

Thanks for the advice, maybe I'm being dramatic but I think this girl is my soul-mate. Probably why I'm so willing to be nice.

I've been through break ups before (a few) this one takes the cake.. I don't know I just see me and my ex's situation as unique when I should just see it as anything other break up.

One of my friends described ex gf's as sunken costs, no matter what you through at them they'll never return anything.haha maybe he's right?

Thanks again guys. . Its hard to be confident when your hearts been broken, but there's only one way up from rock bottom

That's the whole point-no false hope,no whims or her possibly sitting-on-the-fence-its about your emotional health and how you act in your own best interests.

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Originally Posted by amicon

Thats the whole point-no false hope,no whims or her possibly sitting-on-the-fence-its about your emotional health and how you act in your own best interests.

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If I 've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Women despise weak men. They know they can have them anytime, anyplace or anywhere. Then they get with their friends and laugh about it. Don't be that man! Stop being a puppet, cut the strings.

I was never that guy, I'm independent and stronger than this. Thanks for the motivational quote. Its not an overnight process. But I'm realizing there's no halfway in..

Cheers guys

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Originally Posted by onto_the_next_one

i was never that guy, I'm independent and stronger than this. thanks for the motivational quote. Its not an overnight process. but I'm realizing there's no halfway in..

cheers guys

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Same here... :)

LOL @ on to the next one's screen name... im loving it...

I was you just like 3 months ago... what you must do is let her go do her own thing and do your own thing... when I got my head together I had like 4 interests lined up... whether they were dates or acquaintances they filled the void and let me move on...

You are just missing the constant female attention... I know because I was like that... and please stop with the SHE IS THE ONE AND ONLY FOR ME... I was just like that too and if she was THE ONE you guys wouldn't have broken up...

And please do not be her friend for at least a year honestly... what I think she may be doing is trying to 'keep you in the pocket' basically a backup plan in case she can't find your replacement... how do I know? Because my ex pulled that friends stuff a month ago... no way can it be that way...

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Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze

LOL @ on to the next one's screen name.....im lovin it....

I was you just like 3 months ago.....what you must do is let her go do her own thing and do your own thing......when i got my head together i had like 4 interests lined up.....whether they were dates or acquaintances they filled the void and let me move on....

you are just missing the constant female attention.....i know because i was like that......and please stop with the SHE IS THE ONE AND ONLY FOR ME.....i was just like that too and if she was THE ONE you guys wouldnt have broken up.....

And please do not be her friend for at least a year honestly....what i think she may be doing is trying to 'keep you in the pocket' basically a backup plan in case she can't find your replacement.....how do i know? because my ex pulled that friends stuff a month ago.....no way can it be that way....

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This is so true, I was and still partly am convinced my ex was my soul mate, but fact is exes wouldn't leave you if it was meant to be. This isn't Hollywood or some cheesy love song, an if someone leaves us, it's time for us to leave them as well. Being friends does not work out until you are completely healed. I recently had a small Facebook conversation with a girl I dated for a year in high school, and that was like 4-5 years ago. And it felt good to just catch up, and part ways, no drama, no feelings nothing. Until you can successfully pull that off, stay away and go NC