My gosh how do I start its long and complicated: I got married at 9 months of knowing my husband and I was 19 when I got married, not even a year after we were married more like 6 months after we got married we got pregnant with our daughter, well when I was four months pregnant with her he leaves me and left till the day she was born. While I was pregnant and misserable he was out enjoying himself going to things like ozzfest on our 1 year anniversary, etc... so when she is born I convinced myself to take him back, then six months later I leave for a small short trip to visit my best friend in Arkansas for two weeks, well the whole time I was there I fought with my husband and then came to find out he was trying to cheat on me. Well the day I fly back he without telling me takes our daughter and so for a whole another week she is gone and so is he. Then on mothers day he call me and says he's sorry and wants to come back, which I couldn't say no I wanted to see my daughter. So then again we are still having problems now our daughter is almost 2 and she and I go take a trip back to Arkansas to see my best friend(she has two daughters) well we come back a week early because she wasn't eatting, the second day we are back him and I are having another argument and he tells me he doesn't love me or want to be with me. So I kick him out. So for about a monthwe were separated and I dated for 2 weeks someone else. I take my stupid husband back and we had sex and bam after not even a month I'm pregnant with our son... well our son just barely turned 1 on march 16th of 2010... and my husband and I are still having probas and worse now than before, because he found out I cheated, well now I'm on limited time if I do anything. I have no job a car that doesn't work and 2 kids under the age of 5. HELP ME I NEED ADVICE!!

I think you know what you need to do. This relationship isn't healthy for you or your children and your children are old enough to pick up on the bad feeling in the home.

It doesn't sounds like you have had a marriage for a very long time, if ever.

IF you want to give your relationship one last try, I think you need to look into marriage counseling. It might also be a way for you to find a friendly way to dissolve the marriage.

Can you get a job? Do you have friends who would take you in while you get on your feet? Do you have someone who could watch the children while you are at work?

This is a very sad situation for these children particularly, who did not ask to be put into this toxic relationship.

You need to think hard about what your priorities are, make a plan and stick to it. Whatever you do, don't get pregnant again.

No job, no income, no car, and two kids. It is probably a good idea that you are on your own, and apply for assistance to help you put food on the table to feed yourself and your children.

You and your husband have failed miserably to maintain even fidelity in your marriage, and problems you face now are going to be very difficult to overcome without a lot of help.

If you are thinking of making the marriage work, you will need counselling, and that is not a guarantee of success; it is very hard work, and both parties have to be 100% committed to each other.

Problems just don't go away because you want them to. I hope there is someone you can talk to to get yourself into counselling if you choose not to take your husband back. My opinion is you need help and support to stand on your own two feet, and be a responsible mother first. Then worry about dating and bringing another man into the picture.

Whatever you decide to do, if you can put your children and their welfare at the top of your priority list, that is a good place to start.

It's going to be hard for a while, but I don't think it's going to be any harder than living the life you're living now. You need to move away from this relationship before you get pregnant again.

There are always ways to get out. Can you get some public assistance or do you have family that could help you get on your own two feet? What about the friend in Arkansas?

No actually I can't get pregnant again because after I had my son I got my tubes tied... And I'm get food stamps and cash aid... I don't have any friends or family that will let me stay with them... They all think except one friend that I need to stay with him because of my kids... And that I'm not allowed to have a life outside my kids, I have to eat sleep and breath my kids...

You cheated, he cheated and now you want out and so does he?

Why did he leave when you were pregnant? Your children should be your priority and his ! Children are a blessing and should not be considered a burden. Everyone needs time away from their children every now and then. I don't mean a week or a month but a few hours a week.

Seems to me you are concentrating on your needs and he's concentrating on being a womanizer. Where do your children fit in? There are people who would give everything they have to be able to have children and you act like your children are a burden.

They did not ask to be brought into this world. I wish you well you seem to have your hands full. You need to be thankful you have those kids, because unlike your husband, their love is unconditional.

You know I could weep when I see little innocent children brought into this world and are caught in the crossfire of two immature people who shouldn't have had kids in the first place! Yes you are supposed to put your children first.

Good Luck

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by unhappymama

No actually i can't get pregnant again because after i had my son i got my tubes tied... And i'm get food stamps and cash aid.... I don't have any friends or family that will let me stay with them... They all think except one friend that i need to stay with him cus of my kids... And that i'm not allowed to have a life outside my kids, i have to eat sleep and breath my kids...

---

unhappymama, are you saying that you are 'phomama86'? Why the name change?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Cat1864

unhappymama, are you saying that you are 'phomama86'? Why the name change?

---

It was a accident I didn't remember my username or password

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

You cheated, he cheated and now you want out and so does he?

Why did he leave when you were pregnant? Your children should be your priority and his ! Children are a blessing and should not be considered a burden. Everyone needs time away from their children every now and then. I don't mean a week or a month but a few hours a week.

seems to me you are concentrating on your needs and he's concentrating on being a womanizer. Where do your children fit in? There are people who would give everything they have to be able to have children and you act like your children are a burden.

They did not ask to be brought into this world. I wish you well you seem to have your hands full. You need to be thankful you have those kids, because unlike your husband, their love is unconditional.

You know I could weep when I see little innocent children brought into this world and are caught in the crossfire of two immature people who shouldn't have had kids in the first place! Yes you are supposed to put your children first.

Good Luck

---

And excuse me but you got it all wrong lady... I charise my babies... they mean everything to me and I want to separate from my husband because of my kids, its not fair to them for them to see us like this... I'm not trying to be a womanizer... sorry to say but don't open your mouth with a opinion if you don't know everything that's going on...

I had put a summery of what I'm going through...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by unhappymama

and excuse me but you got it all wrong lady.... i charise my babies... they mean everything to me and i wanna seperate from my husband because of my kids, its not fair to them for them to see us like this... i'm not trying to be a womanizer... sorry to say but dnt open yur mouth with a opinion if u dnt know everything thats going on...

i had put a summery of what i'm going through...

---

Some friendly advice on posting: please, do not use chat speak (dnt, u, etc.) It is against site rules and can get your posts deleted. I, also, find that typing words out helps focus the thought process.

Remember that we only know what you tell us. No one here knows 'everything' that is going on in your relationship/life. Each of us can only give advice/opinions based on what we read.

It seems to me that you have your mind made up. You want a separation/divorce. What do you really want advice about? How to go about leaving him? Permission to leave him? Or do you just want someone to listen to your problems?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ;

And that i'm not allowed to have a life outside my kids, i have to eat sleep and breath my kids...

---

Your words not mine! I was saying your husband is a womanizer and both of you had an affair with someone else? Now, you are asking or intend to move in with a male "friend"? Why not make the hubby pay child support?

I'll bet he doesn't work, Right? Look it's hard being on your own with no job and no car with two children to raise, I understand this. Make him pay child support and get yourself back into school, learn a skill.

Your children are the most important thing in your life! You and your husband are adults who chose to cheat on each other. Now iit's time to stand up and stop feeling sorry for yourself
And think of they way your children will feel if you keep sitting there doing nothing to better yourself.
Your kids are a gift. Thank God for them every day. Good luck