Ask Me Help Desk - Myspace breakup?

I hadn't seen my boyfriend for a few days (we've only been dating for maybe... almost two months, no I hadn't known him for much longer than that before he asked me out), and today because of work I missed a couple of his calls. Later I sign onto Myspace and find this:
i really didnt want to do this on myspace cause i have more respect for you than that, but because i havn't talked to you in a while i have to. i can;t be your boyfriend, i am no good.im sorry for what i have done, and if you caught me at a better time, im sure i could of been a better boyfriend. truth is, i care about you. but i can't be that way with you. i would like to stay friends tho, if thats alright
I'm not really sure what to think, except that maybe I wish I had answered one of them, I know I'm not going to contact him because I am pretty upset and I don't want to say something mean, but I know I'm going to have to talk to him sometime? Myspace lets you know when someone has read your message, so I don't want to look like I'm ignoring him. No my work doesn't take up a lot of my time, and also he lives about 20 minutes away, and hadn't been making a lot of time for me, but I wasn't really upset about that much.
I really like him, and I'm wondering what catching him at a better time really means, does that mean later on we could date again? The friends thing really doesn't seem like it would do it for me. I know it's not the end of the world, but I really did like him, and I'm not sure what to ask when I do talk to him, that will make me feel better that maybe the friends thing isn't forever?

Hello,

Genuinely Sorry to hear about what has happened to you recently.

Firstly, I have to say that I find it quite cowardly for someone to break-up with someone on Myspace (Internet) and perhaps a tad immature. Is he young? He sounds it. I certainly don't want to come across as slating him though. At least he has been honest and upfront with you, although he could have done this much better by opting to say it to your face.

If he is young and inexperienced with doing this, then it can be forgiven since he may have been worried about how you may react and may not have wanted to deal with seeing you hurt. This is perfectly understandable.

A lot of people on this forum would probably say NO CONTACT which you have decided is the step you are going to take. I agree and this will help you to Move On. After all, you were only in a relationship with him for 2 months, it won't take you long to move on from this.

I would be inclined to say that you could reply to his e-mail by saying something like you respect his decision and understand how he feels. I'm sure others will correct me if I am wrong but this will not be interpreted as chasing him. You are simply being mature about the whole thing, accepting his decision and most importantly, GETTING CLOSURE.

I would not bother calling him to do this, if he chooses the My space route, then you should simply do it this way too. Like I say, he sounds young which is why he probably chose to do it like this.. Who knows, maybe if you had been in a relationship longer, he may have chosen to do it the adult way.. Again, please don't think I am slating him because he does not seem like a bad person from what you have said.

Quote:

Originally Posted by emiflea

i really didnt want to do this on myspace cause i have more respect for you than that, but because i havn't talked to you in a while i have to. i can;t be your boyfriend, i am no good.im sorry for what i have done, and if you caught me at a better time, im sure i could of been a better boyfriend. truth is, i care about you. but i can't be that way with you. i would like to stay friends tho, if thats alright

I really like him, and I'm wondering what catching him at a better time really means, does that mean later on we could date again? The friends thing really doesn't seem like it would do it for me.

When he said this in his myspace e-mail, he was basically saying he was not ready for a relationship like this. He wants to have fun being single and is not ready for anything serious. Catching him at a better time really means when he is at a different maturity level than he is at now, once he has had some time to himself to discover who he really is, what he wants. He is just not ready for anything serious and probably just wants to have fun being single for a while.. This could very well mean a few years down the line, he may be ready for what you perhaps want now..

Forget the friends thing, if you care so much for him like you say you do, it won't work out because you will always be hoping for more than the friendship can offer.

The best thing you can do is leave him alone for now and just have fun being you, finding out who you are. Things usually work out in time, not necessarily the way we initially think they will, but time has a strange way of putting all things into perspective.

He may be dealing with some heavy personal issues right now and doesn't feel as though he should be in a relationship right now. He's probably doing you a favor. I think he should have had the decency to do it face-to-face and not on Myspace but that's a different issue. Actually, I wouldn't worry about making it look as though you're ignoring him. It'd actually be a good thing if he thinks you are ignoring him. You seem to have a good grasp on the situation. That said, I wouldn't bother responding to any more messages from him. You may run into each other sometime and, if you do, be cordial but keep it short and sweet. Move on with your life and let him do the same.

I think that it is very rude and/or lacks class to break up with someone over the phone or internet. However, it seems from his comment/email on myspace that he is dealing with something that is beyond him and perhaps he just didn't know how else to do it. From the way it sounds he just was doing the best he could think of...

You hadn't been dating long-- so while I can understand that you are hurt and confused, I am thinking that you will be able to get over this rather quickly. You don't even have to respond if you don't want to. However, a simple "I understand-- maybe next time around" in an email or comment will show him that you aren't angry (if you aren't) and/or realize that perhaps he is going through something at the moment.

Let this be his "free pass"-- we should all get one in relationships. Just one though. Move on and realize that if he wants to start things back up that he will have to contact you and just leave him alone to deal with his issues for the moment. If you feel comfortable, you can offer someone to talk to should he need to get something off his chest. That way he knows that there is someone out there he can talk to if he is in need. You can still be pleasant and supportive without being his girlfriend.

Hope it works out!

Yes - that was weak - says it all. No need to respond to that crap.

Don't worry about this guy - just be thankful you're not with him. IF he was rude in this way - NO TELLING what else was coming. Consider yourself lucky on missing out on a ton of heartache and misery.

I agree. He has shown his true colors here and they aren't pretty.

Whether he has heavy personal issues or not, he still should have the decency to talk to you in person. And to tell you the truth I think everything he wrote was a load of BS. He isn't right for you a this moment. In the future it could have been better. Certainly sounds like a lot of excuses.

To put it simply he wanted out for whatever reason and rather than tell you the truth and ion person her did it on the net and made excuses blaming himself. He took the easy way out.

But, after two months you can hardly call it much of a relastionship.
Sorry, I know it may not feel like that to you but you don't really know him yet.

So chalk it up to experience and learn your lessons here.

There are plenty to be learned.

i.e. The use of the net / myspace for meeting and communicating with people.

Investing too much in to someone you have just met

Ill let you think about the rest!

Good luck and keep us posted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkParisKitty

I think that it is very rude and/or lacks class to break up with someone over the phone or internet.

Tell me about it, my ex did this to me (over the phone ) and I was engaged to her in a 3 year relationship. It definitely does lack class and courage and maturity for that matter. I had to almost beg her to tell me to my face which she eventually agreed to.

I believe in telling people to their faces even if it is a short term relationship. It makes no difference, you can still end up hurting someone by rejecting them in such an uncaring way.

Thank you to all who answered my questions, especially for taking the time to do so. :]
A quick update on my contact with him: AIM only, I haven't talked to him on the phone, or seen him since he sent me that message.
His best friend, who is also one of my close friends, found out for me that he chose to broke up with me because of being scared of his feelings for me, basically he felt like he was in the beginning of loving me, and because of his last relationship, he didn't feel comfortable with his feelings, and felt like that was the only thing to do. Sounds like a cop-out (excuse) to me, maybe. He said I was beautiful, but also again that he was too afraid of his feelings for me. I don't really think he thought our friend would share ALL the details, so I think he's sincere.
I'm not so mad anymore, I did think about that he did try to call me twice before he messaged me, I don't think I mentioned that.
So there's an update for you all. :]

Ouch... breaking up over myspace... that is RUDE. Honestly at first I was just going to say wow... jerk... but after reading his message... there are some unanswered questions. I know that I broke up with a boy before because I thought that iw as a bad girlfriend... and he told me I was being stupid and tol dme that I wasn't allowed... and it ended up beign a really good relationship. I know it will hurt... but if you talk to him ask him what he meant... and if he was trying to break it to you lightly than you will know and you can move on... if he gives you a legitimate reason at least you know... basically find closure for yourself... learn form what happened... take a deep breath... and let him go. It was only 2 months... and although it hurts... your in for a lot more heart breaking in the future... so like I said... tlak to him and move on you'll see it won't be that bad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by emiflea

His best friend, who is also one of my close friends, found out for me that he chose to broke up with me because of being scared of his feelings for me, basically he felt like he was in the beginning of loving me, and because of his last relationship, he didn't feel comfortable with his feelings, and felt like that was the only thing to do. Sounds like a cop-out (excuse) to me, maybe.

It does sound like a cop out to me. Perhaps a way of letting you down without making himself feel too guilty about it.

And he was falling in love with you after 2 months..?

It take real time to know someone fully and begin to love someone...

Also, if it were true that he felt like he was beginning to love you, then out of respect why did he not tell you to your face and instead choose to be a coward and tell you over the internet?

At least, that is my opinion...

Sounds like alibi's to me.

Again - you're luck not to be with this FLAKE. You need a leader who honest and isn't flakey.