My son is 25, and over the past 6 or 7 years, he has become more withdrawn and depressed. I have encouraged him the best I can to get help -- to see a therapist -- and he procrastinates about it despite the amount of pain he's in. Depression is a family trait on my side, and his dad has mental problems due to steroid abuse. I have been helped tremendously by psychotherapy and also take medication. My son has had some painful problems, but it's like he's punishing himself by living as a chronically depressed person and being too paralyzed to do anything about it. He has all the classic symptoms. I know there is only so much a person can do -- I know it is not my problem to fix -- I know I have to stop "owning" his problems. My practical mind knows that, but the feeling of sadness and pain I have over this is taking me down. I am having a lot of trouble seeing it objectively. Ideas?

Would he go with you once or twice when you see your therapist (with his/her permission, of course), so the three of you can explore ways your son can help you deal with your own mental problems?

If your son knows the appointment isn't about him and that it will be only once or twice, it will give him the experience of seeing what all goes on and will take the apprehension away. He'll meet the therapist and find out what a pleasant person this is and that therapy isn't so bad after all. Strategize first with your therapist so your son won't feel intimidated.

This worked well for me when I did marital counseling. The husband would refuse to come in, so the wife and I asked him to come in only once to help me help her. It worked every time! The husband would continue to show up for appointments "to help his wife."

You are mother.. a very good mother. If you didn't worry then then I would say there's something wrong! Seems like you have a lot on your plate! As WG stated you need to look into talking to a professional. Do you have a minister who could talk him into seeing someone?


I hope he'll see he needs help! Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a disease just like any other disease. It can be controlled. You are a good mom and I applaude you for seeking help here! God Bless!:)

Actually, he agreed to go with me to see my psychiatrist -- and she asked him a few questions and then talked about some of the drugs that can help with anxiety and obsessing over old stuff, etc. He was nice and polite and listened to all of it, but he is so against taking any chemicals that I think she missed the mark with him. When we talked last week, I urged him again to see a therapist to TALK about things --my feeling is that if he could trust a professional enough to talk to him or her, then he might see the light and try medication if he needs it. I have gotten the names of some well-recommended therapists in his area and he told me last week he would call. I don't know if he has --I'll find out--but I have to keep my own head above water to keep encouraging him. Right now, that is where my problems lie -- I appreciate your kind words. It's his paralysis that keeps me on tenterhooks, waiting for him to make a move and worrying that he is waiting too long. Stupid, I know, but that is what is happening.

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Originally Posted by coconuthead

Actually, he agreed to go with me to see my psychiatrist -- and she asked him a few questions and then talked about some of the drugs that can help with anxiety and obsessing over old stuff, etc. He was nice and polite and listened to all of it, but he is so against taking any chemicals that I think she missed the mark with him. When we talked last week, I urged him again to see a therapist to TALK about things --my feeling is that if he could trust a professional enough to talk to him or her, then he might see the light and try medication if he needs it. I have gotten the names of some well-recommended therapists in his area and he told me last week he would call. I don't know if he has --I'll find out--but I have to keep my own head above water to keep encouraging him. Right now, that is where my problems lie -- I appreciate your kind words. It's his paralysis that keeps me on tenterhooks, waiting for him to make a move and worrying that he is waiting too long. Stupid, I know, but that is what is happening.

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You are a mom and mom's worry! Thank God for mom's like you! My mom worries still and we are grown. I worry and my kids are grown. You keep posting and we will talk here as much as you want.:)

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Originally Posted by coconuthead

He was nice and polite and listened to all of it, but he is so against taking any chemicals that I think she missed the mark with him. When we talked last week, I urged him again to see a therapist to TALK about things

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Yes, the main thing would be the talking -- talking about short-term goals and then having the therapist (not you) to be accountable to for meeting those goals. The meds smooth out the wrinkles in life so he can actually work toward and accomplish each goal he has set -- like taking a mile walk twice a day.

Well, I'm glad my spelling and usage hasn't suffered too much... I definitely want the goals to be between my son and the therapist, as the problem I'm having is being too caught up in all of it. If I can stay clear enough to encourage him without hovering, that is the key, I think. It's staying clear that is the challenge right now.

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Originally Posted by coconuthead

Well, I'm glad my spelling and usage hasn't suffered too much...I definitely want the goals to be between my son and the therapist, as the problem I'm having is being too caught up in all of it. If I can stay clear enough to encourage him without hovering, that is the key, I think. It's staying clear that is the challenge right now.

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You're going to do great! Look at how much you have helped him. A mothers' love is unconditional! You are a strong person, just what your son needs. We're here whenever you need us.:)