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I love my woman and want to commit to her but the fact that she used to be a lap-dancer and has previously had pictures of her naked displayed in glamour mags bothers me, I can't seem to commit to her for this reason, I feel like my honour and dignity gets knocked. We have been together four years now, I feel like I really want to commit and make her completely mine but feel that fact of knowing anyone has access to seeing her body in mags distroys me, what can I do??

Dear Mr Jack10555, love and commitment go hand in hand, you may love her but it's obvious that you are not "in love" with her... if it bothers you to commit to her because she was a "lap dancer" than how can you be with her in the first place? And for 4 years? Seems like your taking advantage of her, "unintentionally"... I am also quite certain you are not very faithful to her, anyway, if I were you I would tell her how I feel... because a women with that kind of past is very "hurt" inside and you may be the only person who makes her feel any special... tell her how you feel, and remember honor and dignity are sometimes foolishness in the matter of right or wrong, and for God sake, 4 years? And you can't commit? Is she committed to you? Then why aren't you?.

Find someone else who does not exploit themselves.

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Originally Posted by sabrewolfe

Find someone else who does not exploit themselves.

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He said she 'was' a lap-dancer, I assume that was her past... sorry but your answer makes this women sound like an object, your implying that she isn't good enough for a man who can't commit to her?.

If you haven't committed in 4 years, you never will. If the good outweighs the bad, what's the problem.

If your issue is what others think what the freak have you been doing with her for 4 years?

That's something you should consider. What's wrong with you, and not her past. That's not love, That's having a piece of candy before a good meal.

Why have you waited for 4 years to suddenly realize that her past is a problem? That's ridiculous.

Plain and simple, she doesn't own a time machine. She can't go back in time and change her past, so no matter how upset you get, her past will still be there whether she talks about it or not.

Ultimately, you have to be honest with yourself about whether you can move beyond what you are feeling now, and to accept her for who she is. This is crucial.

You will have to respect her for who she is now, and accept her life experiences. If you’re unable to do so, you need to break this relationship off.

Respect and acceptance are two essential elements of an enduring relationship, and you each deserve to be in a mutually loving and respectful marriage

They are all right, loving someone is not counting how many mistakes they have done in the past, but counting how many times is had made you happy in the present and future. You came in the relationship knowing what she was and how she in the past, you accepted it cause you dated her. For 4 years being with her. Instead of looking back of what she used to be, look at the future and now how she makes you feel. She is a person that made a mistake in the past, you weren't with her when she did that so you can't take that and use it against her cause its just unfair. Forgive and try having a healthy relationship with her. Don't dwell on the past, but dwell on the things she did for you during the 4 years relationship. You may be the only guy that made her feel like she can do better for her self as long as your there for her. But if your really certain that you don't want to commit any longer, don't cry and say it was a big mistake and you want her back.

You haven't committed in four-years? So you've been wavering back-and-forth this whole time? Forget it, let her go and move 'cause you'll never get over it.

Threads merged, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread

Dear all,

I will be more clear I do not mind the fact she was a lap-dancer that is in the past, I do love her and am in love with her to a very deep extreme, I cannot bare the fact that she was a glamour model baring all(nudity) I was not aware she was a glamour model until several months after by this time I was deeply in love, like King702 has stated some girls in that profession are hurt) kind of people so she at the time was to scared to lose me, otherwise I would have had a better choice in making a decision, even the glamour modelling side is past but what bothers me is that it is still alive today all over the internet, I love her very much and want to commit 100% but I feel like I am floating cause of this matter, I can not stand the fact she is so precious to me and my woman body is private, yet so easy for the whole world to see her with a click of a finger, there are many reasons that make me uncomfortable, can you imagine how much you love your partner/wife /husband/ yet if the world had access with a flick off a button to see what's so private and precious to you, can you imagine that you can be sitting with your family friends or at a restaurant and the next table along could have just been on the internet, yet your partner looks so great dressed up for your evening out but the next table knows what's under Neath that great dress and on and on the feeling can go. If only there was a way that I could erase it all I could put it in the closet where it belongs cause it was the past yet I am living it every second. IS THERE ANY ANSWER. HELP!!

Your conflict is with yourself, in your own mind, and you have put that before the love.

If they love was first you wouldn't give a hoot about what she did, or what others know about her.

To expect her to erase her past is not going to happen, but what you can do is accept her and know going forward that she is with you, and cherish what you have now.

If you can't, your not talking about love, but jealousy, yes jealous, that others can see what you see, and a lot of insecurity, because you put so much into what others will say or do it interferes in what you're supposed to do, which is accept love, and support your woman.

I doubt she deserves such an immature fellow, who cannot appreciate her, and enjoy who she really is. Now thats something no one else but you knows, and really thats all that counts.

Be a shame to throw all that away because you are afraid of what others will see, a real darn shame, like any male needs a nude picture to imagine a pretty females body parts.

If you cannot cope with your feelings in a positive way, leave her alone. And if it were me, my chest would be stuck out a mile, knowing I have what they want. What I have drives them crazy. That would be my attitude, not some fear driven, immature fantasy of what a prim and proper female should be.

And who has a laptop at a restaurant with the page open to her picture? Your fears will drive you crazy, and are very unreasonable. Recognize how silly that sounds.

Be proud, not ashamed.

You need to decide, 4 years is a long time even if you knew a couple months after you started dating you still had a lot of time to think about it. I guess the saying could hold true, 4 years hurts less than 5 but you need to crap or get off the pot now. Stop leading her on, I bet she thinks there is commitment

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Originally Posted by jack1055

i will be more clear i do not mind the fact she was a lap-dancer that is in the past. . . i cannot bare the fact that she was a glamour model baring all(nudity). . .

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Which one is it? You're either okay with it or not.

I'll venture two guesses: 1) You rarely go to strip clubs or have never been to one ever, 2) she is ashamed of her past.

If you went to strip clubs, you might see her side a little better. 'Cause really, it's a just a job, a high paying job. Contrary to popular belief, not every dancer is born without morals, some are just smart investors and go where the money is and quit when they reach their goal.

To me, she seems ashamed of her own past, which would explain why she held it from you for so long and why, after all these years, you still can't move on. It's impossible to forget a person's past if the person responsible won't forget his own past himself. If so, all she'll need from you is reassurance that you will not judge her because of it.

What I don't get about you is this happened well over three years ago, and you are still involved with this girl and you still question her past. Look at the quote above, you don't even make sense, you're still confused after all this time. Like I said before, if you haven't dealt with it in that time you never will. Move on.

Wow, to be honest I am against anyone with a career like that. Someone who does those things does not make a good partner. I am disturbed when you say you want to commit to her, that's makes me think your not so then why are you so concerned? If your not faithful then you both need to separate, however if you want a true committed relationship then you need another woman!

Tell her how you feel about that. She needs to know. But I think you should try to think of it as a privilege. Not everyone has a girlfriend in a magazine. I bet she is beautiful and I do understand your feelings but everyone has a past and that should stay in the past. Focus on the future and what the two of you have together! Look at the positive, not the negative! God Bless