Ask Me Help Desk - My girlfriend broke up with me, what should I do?

I'll try to make this as short as I can... We dated for 17 months and we were happy with our relationship until the very end. Sure, we had a few fights but never any major problems. I had a few flaws as a boyfriend though (I was slightly clingy and I had trouble making friends with her friends) but we were still both very happy together. She broke up with me because she said she needs time to develop on her own. She said she isn't ready for a relationship as serious as the one we had. It was our first relationship and we are both currently in college. She said we both need to date other people to make sure we are right for each other and to develop further. I know breaking up wasn't easy for her and we both still love each other a lot. She has made it clear she really wants to be with me again in the future and she couldn't imagine a better relationship, it's just she needs time to be on her own and have freedom to develop as her own person. We're still best friends but no longer a couple. On one hand I can understand why she wants a break, however I also am still very in love with her and am worried she will never come back. What should I do? I don't want to lose her and I want to do whatever I can to increase the chances of her starting our relationship again in the future.

Hmm this is going to suck, but I guarantee you I'm not the only person on this site who's going to say it. You cannot be friends with an ex girlfriend, at least one whom you still are in love with. The best thing you can do is respect her decision and give her space, but at the same time, if your anything like the rest of us on this site, it will be to hard seeing her everyday and being best friends, so let her know you need space for healing as well. Just my 2 cents

Original is right-dont do the friendship thing-go no contact and start healing from the breakup.

If you keep talking to her,you'll stay stuck in the limbo of false hope,with its confusion and what ifs.

Painful as it is,you need to move on.

Read the stickies at the top of the relationship page for more advice on how to handle a breakup.

It seems she likes you as a friend more...

Ill tell you 2 things that your capable of doing right now...

1- Move on and stay friends

2- Move on and stop being friends

Don't get me wrong, both of these things have some benefit ;) if you catch my grip!!
Girls are like shadow,
The more you run after them the more the run away from you,
The more YOU run away from them, the more they run AFTER you...

Get it?

Good luck buddy

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She said she isn't ready for a relationship as serious as the one we had. It was our first relationship and we are both currently in college

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Of course she wants to have fun with all the freedom she is about to get, and a relationship will severely hinder her choices. She is right. I don't know if she is leaving her hometown or not to go to college, but for sure, she wants her options to be open, and her decisions to be her own.

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She said we both need to date other people to make sure we are right for each other and to develop further.

That's a classic line to let you down easy, and while its true as she is saying it, reality will show her a lot of things better than the way things are now, just because she has the freedom to choose on her own, without the influence of what you want, or the responsibility to consider your feelings any longer. She has made it clear she really wants to be with me again in the future and she couldn't imagine a better relationship, it's just she needs time to be on her own and have freedom to develop as her own person

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I know breaking up wasn't easy for her and we both still love each other a lot.

Of course you still do, but other factors have to be considered, like her freedom, and dream to be completely on her own, that has obviously made everything else less of her priority. Its called embracing her new opportunities, and she has that right.

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We're still best friends but no longer a couple

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That's a big radical change in your lives, and you have to accept it, and move beyond the feelings of loss, rejection, and disappointment. Not only to think clearly and cope with the facts of this break up, but also to heal in a positive way, by doing your own thing, and letting her do hers. Trying to be friends before you have healed will never work, no way. You would be a lousy friend because you can't accept just being a friend and you will torture yourself pretending to be one, just because you will want her back, and be reminded of when she was a g/f, and not just a friend.

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On one hand I can understand why she wants a break, however I also am still very in love with her and am worried she will never come back.

Those are YOUR fears that drive you now, and that's all you can see at the moment, and while you understand what she is telling you, you have not accepted it, nor want it. That's understandable.

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What should I do?

Leave her alone, and do your own thing that you enjoy without her. You must be honest with her that you can't be friends, until you heal, and that will take time. Then you can better adjust your thinking once you accept the reality of your situation, which has radically changed through no fault of your own, or hers. It just has, and that's just life.

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I don't want to lose her and I want to do whatever I can to increase the chances of her starting our relationship again in the future.

You have already lost her dude, and that's what you need to accept, and start looking to your own future without her in it. Trying to hold on to what you had will make you absolutely miserable, and magnify the pain by a million. That's why you have to let go and accept reality. So you can move beyond this and be happy with the life you have to make for yourself. Its hard and we all have had to face the choice of making a life without someone in it. It sucks and takes time to overcome, but it starts with being honest about how much we need to heal, before anything can happen positively.

That's where you are now. Between acceptance and healing. Its called shock.

I know exactly what your going through, your story is very similar to mine. I didn't want my ex to leave me but she had too as she was just coming up to that stage 21-23 years old where most girls turn a big corner in their lives and they often don't like to feel tied down and they need to prioritise their lives and that oftentimes means we get demoted..
Never easy to take for us so I can empathise with you. I think you should just let her go, make sure yous end on happy terms, meaning she will have good memories of you, let her know you care for her and love her, and if its meant to be, it will be... oneday.

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Originally Posted by weekaizer

i know exactly what your going through, your story is very similar to mine. I didnt want my ex to leave me but she had too as she was just coming up to that stage 21-23 years old where most girls turn a big corner in their lives and they often dont like to feel tied down and they need to prioritise their lives and that oftentimes means we get demoted..
never easy to take for us so i can empathise with you. i think you should just let her go, make sure yous end on happy terms, meanin she will have good memories of you, let her know you care for her and love her, and if its meant to be, it will be... oneday.

I wouldn't do that. I would walk away with my pride, and act like I don't really care. Why would I let someone know that I am weak? I would show her that I don't really care about her choices. I would walk away as if nothing in my life has changed. People are always out to get a reaction from other people. And if you walk away with your pride, it will shock them into oblivion and beyond.

I would walk with my pride too... and they will came buck. Don't make theme important