So tonight it was my dads birthday, while our whole family was out to dinner my sister mentioned something about my dads drinks and how she would like it if he stopped drinking because she wants him around if she ever get married so my step-mom says o really are you calling us alcoholics. My sister say well you do drink allot, so I tell my step-mom to calm down and relax. So of course she calls me an son to my dad. So it's a little tense from there home. So we get home everyone's talking normally, I leave to bring my grandma home when I get my sister shows up crying ( she still leaves over my dads) So I ask her what's the matter she says colleen (crazy step mom) tweaked out on her. And told her to get out of her ing house ( witch me and my sister haved lived there longer then her. So I of course get fired up and fly over there and get ready to her out like never before and tell her how she has made our live miserable and how she need to stop acting like a little kid. At this point I ing shaking with adrenalin because I'm fed up with her that we have had to delt with the past 13 years. And I get there and she playing with my little brother so I calm down and don't say anything. So my dad acts like its all our fault. She always blows up over little thing constantly complains. My sister doesn't even feel welcome in her own house. My step mom even called the cops on my sister years back because my sister went to my neighbors house and didn't want to come home because she was sick of my step mom. My step mom is ed up. Should I go and talk to her and tell her all that she has put us through and tell her how miserable she's made our lifes? What should I say, should I just let it be?

Sorry allot of swears in there got bleeped out something don't make sense, that's why

**Try to watch your language, there are minors who visit this site****

If I were you I would try to talk to your step mom AND father in a civilized manner. No swearing. Start with something positive, lead into the negatives, and end with something positive. If you have any suggestions on how to make things run more smoothly then bring that up as well.
So, why do you think your step mom is like the way she is? Were you guys welcoming to her in the beginning? Did yours and her relationship start poorly?
It is hard for adults to be judged by their children, but if she does have a drinking problem, then maybe you could contact alanon for some tips on how to bring up this subject to them so they aren't feeling attacked.

I'm presuming that you are all adult children, with what sounds like the exception being your younger brother.

You need to butt out. How your father chooses to live is life with his wife is none of your business.

I think it was rude to take him out for dinner and stir things up about how much your father drinks. What did you expect from your step-mother when that happened.

You getting ready to 'take her out' clearly shows a very bad attitude, which is something your dad does not need. In HIS home, not yours by the way.

All of you seem to have the same attitude toward this woman, and where has it got you? Anger, resentment, over the top emotion. You can't even enjoy a dinner with them for your father's birthday without a family feud starting.

Please allow this woman a little leeway and stop with the resentment and hurtful comments and behaviour toward her. You and your siblings should all agree to not talk anything negative about her, and make an effort to show some respect.

If she does have a drinking problem, or he has a drinking problem, it is not your place to counsel, criticize, educate, or instruct them. If they ASK for help, by all means provide information and support.

All of this is just my opinion, looking in from the outside, but, you all need to step up, mind your own business, and act like adults when you are together.

I agree that confronting your father at his birthday dinner about how much he drinks was the wrong thing to do. He may well drink too much, but if that's the case, it makes no sense to discuss it with him while he's drinking. Your sister should have spoken to him privately, during the day, when he was not already drinking.

It's hard to know who escalated things, just that your step-mom is universally disliked. If drinking is the center of it there's not much you can do but break the pattern by not being a drinker yourself. If you and your sister have to live at home, you need to find a way to get along with her. Avoid opportunities to get into arguments and let things go whenever you possibly can. Be busy with the rest of your life so your time with her and at home generally is limited.

It makes no sense to argue with alcoholics, and is downright an invitation for an argument to start something when they are drinking.

Look, how would you feel if someone yelled at you and told you how you'd made her life miserable? How would it make things better?

What I'm hearing is that you want to get some stuff off your chest. That's fair enough - and fair enough, your step mother may also be a right pain in the butt.

But, and it's a big but - how will screaming at her, and telling her how awful she's made your life, improve the situation? - Think about it.

I'm not sure how old you all are, but if it's really awful living with her, then perhaps it's time to move out?

Why keep banging your head against a brick wall? She's unlikely to change and your dad sides with her, so either get out of there or change your response to her behavior. The way you're currently reacting ain't working is it?

Considering the amount of swearing in your post and your admission that you were really going to lay into your step mom, I think that the problem isn't necessarily only her.

First, like it or not, she's married to your father and it's just as much her home as it is his. Unless your sister pays rent, she's there at their discretion.

If you react by swearing and this

Quote:

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So I of course get fired up and fly over there and get ready to her out like never before and tell her how she has made our live miserable and how she need to stop acting like a little kid.

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Then you're part of the problem and there won't be a solution until one of you you, either your step mom (if she's as bad as you say) or you, grows up.

As a side note, we're all mature enough and intelligent enough to discuss things without using the F word or other swear words in our posts. Swearing doesn't impress anyone, it just shows your lack of education and upbringing. So please, refrain from swearing, the sensors will block it out anyway, but it's still annoying and uncalled for.