Hi Everyone,

I am making a general scenario and would appreciate your advice. Lets just say that a person was in a relationship which was serious for the past year. The guy really loved her and treated her well. However there was a difficulty in that she was very unhappy in her career, She tried to get jobs to match her quaifications but there was no work in her country without the experience so she is thinking of going abroad for 6 months to get this relevant work experience. When the guy is told this he is freaked out and says it is the relationship or the job. He says this because he has done the long distance thing before and it has not worked so that's the reason behind his concern which is understandable. The one thing is does she do this career move and give him up or stay and know that she will resent him in long term for not going and giving his support. Advice please.

I think she should go abroad and do what is best for her. It will end up in a situation where if she stays and does not do what is best for her, yes she will resent him and things will slowly fall apart as this resentment grows.

It is true that long distance relationships are hard work but with effort and commitment, these kind of relationships can work out. The absence might actually improve things if and when these two become within closer proximity of each other too.

I would also point out that if he loves her, then he would be willing to support her with a decision that is an important one in her life.

There is nothing wrong with what she wants to do.. It is a positive move but without the support from him, then is the relationship worth it?

A relationship that's so fragile it can't stand a six month separation isn't going anywhere long term anyway. He's being selfish and immature to issue such an ultimatum. Go.

Ditto both these posts. What's behind that freakout is his problem and here he is trying to push it all off on you with some high handed ultimatum -- ugh! Even someone with a deep emotional scar over being abandoned with a teaspoon of manners would not have reacted so-- it would hve been more like, "wow, can we talk about this?" But if you really really like him, I would suggest you attempt to give him some kind of back door to take his kneejerk reaction back, accept the much needed apology from him, and slow down and rework it from where you told him the news.

Well she's got to make her choice. If she really feels that not pursuing the opportunity to go abroad will cause her to resent him in the long run then that may be her answer right there. It boils down to what'll bring her more happiness; her relationship or her career. Nobody can really answer that question for her.

Ultimatums are about trying to control. She should follow her career and don't look back as this guy is selfish, immature, and insecure.

I'd say the relationship is doomed if it can't stand a 6 month separation. It sounds like it never was really a relationship to begin with.

Actually the last few posts sounds harsh. I do not agree. There are times in a relationship especially knowing what a long distance relationship is like. The chanches of losing that when a person goes abroad is great. For example: Just a few days ago. A pregnant women posted about how her boyfriend went back to his home country for a month and decided he did not want her know more and he has a new girlfriend. Long distance is all right for a while, but eventually it causes a big strain and a strain that could eventually break. This person, is obvously afraid to lose this person and this person has every right to feel that way.

My girlfriend at the time, now my wife used to talk all the time about going back to her mothers home land and staying there. I said to her, if you go there then I do not know if you will come back. I do not know if I personally could do that. It is a very dangerous place and for all know you could end up dead and it does not bother you. I would get very defensive at one time because she used to have this fantasy of going back their to visit. She would mention it all the time. Finally though I said to myself if you want to go there, I am going with you. Not because I did not trust her, but just because I think it is better that we remain close and experience new things together.

Anyway,

Joe

Why not have the boyfriend join her? At the same time going abroad does not mean it is better or will be better. There are people who have education up past their heads. Years of university and college and are still looking. So there is not guaranteee in anything. If you have that chanch and want to take that chanch then go for it. Leave the option open of him coming with you, but you need to do this for yourself, right!