I have tried everything I could, but my situation is kind of bad.
Iam still young and have college before me


The facts:
0. we practically dated for 1.5 years
1. we dated 3 times in that time short break ups, and if broken up, "best friends with benifits" and close physically, emotinally and spiritually, addictive but unhealthy.
2. broke up in April
3. was cheated on
4. she led me on all summer
5. finally stopped all comunication
6. still have strong attachment
7.past mont things have been better
8. feelings are gone
9. care is still there
10. She has moved on, found another guy
11. I have met another girl and its great
12. Still have hurt seeing her everyday with him
13. Have nottalked for 1 month
14. Want to move on and be happy
14. Want to be with this ither girl without any feelings for my past relationship
15. Strong christian
16. Seeking any advice

Apollo it just takes time and as the weeks turn into months you will think about her less and less.

You are doing great, you have a new girl and you will soon be starting college. You have your whole life ahead of you WOW!

17. You are so going in the right direction!! Enjoy this time... do well in college... and leave the painful past... in the past.

That you can recognise that you felt more like you were in an addiction than a relationship is very good awareness, very good. It was probably as unhealthy as you say too. One thing to recongise is unhealthiness like that would make a lot of people run so notice that you didn't exactly react like that, okay? It might be a significant clue about you for later.

Now you just need to bite off a little more reality... about her this time. It sounds to me like you haven't really grieved the loss of your first girlfriend because that process is being interfered with, delayed. You feel stuck because you are stuck. Question is -- where? And if I may be so bold, I would guess at this point that your view of her lives in fantasyland in your mind and that is what is interfering. You still want her back and so you still carry her torch. This is not me saying you're crazy, it's a common mistake made in our first relationships and breakups. I did it too. Its really really really important that you see her for who she really is instead of who you make her out to be. Write out a detailed description of who she is as a person in as realistic terms as possible, if necessary. Cheater, heart breaker and game player needs to be on that list - no flinching here! Once you see who she really is and that if you had her back she would do it to you all over again, you won't want her anymore. Once you "leave her too" in a manner of speaking, that grieving ball should begin to roll so it can eventually roll out of your life. If you still want her or feel stuck then I have been barking up the wrong tree and we can try another tree with other suggestions but I thought this is long and involved enough. Only you can tell if any of this fits.

It doesn't sound like this was a very healthy "relationship" from the start. And despite your claim in your item #15, this relationship wasn't based on Christian principles at all. Christian young people don't carry on a "best friends with benefits" arrangement, don't lead each other on and don't cheat on each other. Nor do they date people who exhibit such behaviors. Perhaps you ned to re-examine your convictions and let that be more of a guiding force when it comes to choosing your dates.

Concentrate on your new g/f and leave the past in the past. Be glad you are out of that drama. As you said it was very unhealthy, so see it for what it is... a mistake.

Keep on not talking. If you start talking to the ex, it's like starting over from scratch. You've got to go a long time before you can start talking to her again, if ever.

Well see guys I just want to say thank you for your intense encouragement, and this information is very valuable and very sustaining to remind me to know what to do.

It is just the hardest thing ever, I don't understand why.

We are in the same school together, everyday I see her, and I do not want to, I wish I was not there.

It discourages me so much, and it really should not, my friends tell me, "man you are so not over her, cause you should not let that get to you" for some reason, when I'm tired and afraid this gets to me more than anything.

Yea I truly believe God can help me, I have made many mistakes and have reevaluated my life and have made changes but nothing keeps what is there away'

So then it leaves you guys with many thoughts and beliefs and answers.

I have tried so many, I try so hard to pray and do it myself, than I know I should not it myself, or should I ( speaking from a Biblical standpoint )

Just the other day I saw her new guy doing some pretty flower "oooo I like you a lot" thing, and it seems they are so going to date now, naturally I have this territory thing within me that gets mad just a little, and I see her smile, and gosh darnit I want to smile to and be happy for her, but she looks at me and has this most confused sad face, and I hate it. We dated so close that you know when you look at each other or are within feet of each other you can tell what the other one is practically thinking. But I wish I could look at her and see what all bad she has done to me, and know I can do better, that is always the original way to get over someone, always know you are better, but I am so pessimistic, my life has nothing to show affection to me to make me feel any better, and there is no comfort.

Man, see that is what is hard, I do the exact thing by thinking about her as if I was to talk to her, and it's a constant downward spiral that is screwing me up.

This other girl I met and are really great friends with right now sees that, and I like this girl a lot and she does too, but I know right now for us two dating or anything close to it is just not safe in our circumstances, she sees me and how I feel about my past, but she has so much patience.

So I leave with the thoughts of why do I struggle with such a stupid thing, millions of people are dying out there, billions of people are poor and starving, my heart of compassion is torn apart by this drama, and more over, I know this (worry about my past) is not good for me in the long run.

But ill take this to a question...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ost217313.html

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by apollo

I have tried everything I could, but my situation is kinda bad.
Iam still young and have college before me


The facts:
0. we practically dated for 1.5 years
1. we dated 3 times in that time short break ups, and if broken up, "best friends with benifits" and close physically, emotinally and spiritually, addictive but unhealthy.
2. broke up in april
3. was cheated on
4. she led me on all summer
5. finally stopped all comunication
6. still have strong attachment
7.past mont things have been better
8. feelings are gone
9. care is still there
10. she has moved on, found another guy
11. I have met another girl and its great
12. still have hurt seeing her everyday with him
13. have nottalked for 1 month
14. want to move on and be happy
14. want to be with this ither girl without any feelings for my past relationship
15. strong christian
16. seeking any advice

---

Well see guys I just want to say thank you for your intense encouragement, and this information is very valuable and very sustaining to remind me to know what to do.

It is just the hardest thing ever, I don't understand why.

We are in the same school together, everyday I see her, and I do not want to, I wish I was not there.

It discourages me so much, and it really should not, my friends tell me, "man you are so not over her, cause you should not let that get to you" for some reason, when I'm tired and afraid this gets to me more than anything.

Yea I truly believe God can help me, I have made many mistakes and have reevaluated my life and have made changes but nothing keeps what is there away'

So then it leaves you guys with many thoughts and beliefs and answers.

I have tried so many, I try so hard to pray and do it myself, than I know I should not it myself, or should I ( speaking from a Biblical standpoint )

Just the other day I saw her new guy doing some pretty flower "oooo I like you a lot" thing, and it seems they are so going to date now, naturally I have this territory thing within me that gets mad just a little, and I see her smile, and gosh darnit I want to smile to and be happy for her, but she looks at me and has this most confused sad face, and I hate it. We dated so close that you know when you look at each other or are within feet of each other you can tell what the other one is practically thinking. But I wish I could look at her and see what all bad she has done to me, and know I can do better, that is always the original way to get over someone, always know you are better, but I am so pessimistic, my life has nothing to show affection to me to make me feel any better, and there is no comfort.

Man, see that is what is hard, I do the exact thing by thinking about her as if I was to talk to her, and it's a constant downward spiral that is screwing me up.

This other girl I met and are really great friends with right now sees that, and I like this girl a lot and she does too, but I know right now for us two dating or anything close to it is just not safe in our circumstances, she sees me and how I feel about my past, but she has so much patience.

So I leave with the thoughts of why do I struggle with such a stupid thing, millions of people are dying out there, billions of people are poor and starving, my heart of compassion is torn apart by this drama, and more over, I know this (worry about my past) is not good for me in the long run.

...

Thanks for anything... :)

Go SLOW with the new girl - go slow - things will develop.

Sorry about the ex - if she cheated on you you don't want anything to do with her - she never respected you one bit - you could never trust her. She doesn't see mlike a good person what so ever.