Ask Me Help Desk - Dumped by my girlfriend because her feelings for me are not there anymore.

I just recently got dumped by my ex girlfriend because she said that her feelings has changed and is not the same. We were together for 5.5 years and saw her as the one I want to spend the rest of my life with... She also said the reason she dumped me because I took her patience for granted and that I got too comfortable in the relationship and felt like I have all the time in the world... She wanted everything from me, marriage and kids the whole nine. She also feel like that I will never change my ways and will always be me. That she bent over backwards for me and never did anything for her. Which is not completely true. I was there for her, love and cared for her. She also think that I'm selfish because I never gave her what she wanted, during the time she wanted it ( Proposal, marriage, and kids).. I just felt like I wasn't financially and emotionally ready. I told her that, and also told her that I never doubted her. That I wanted to marry her, I just needed some time... But I guess she lost her patience and gave up on waiting for it. We been having this issue for about 6 months and tried to work on it. It came to a point now where she finally dumping me, she said that she still loves me, but her feelings has changed, there's no more spark and she's not happy with the relationship.

Last night we had a talk, she pretty much told me the same thing, that she can't do us RIGHT NOW multiple times... Why is she saying right now? When she's dumping me. When she should be saying she can't do us anymore period.. So I just told her that I didn't want it to end this way and this is not what I want. I told her that I would still love to marry her and give her what she wants. I told her Im sorry for the things I've done and that it didn't work out between us. Also said that I hope she can find someone who will make her happy.

My feelings is like a roller coaster... I don't want to lose her and still want to be her and make things work. But after realizing the things she said, I feel like it's not my choice anymore and there's nothing I can say or do that could change her mind.. I'm hurt, angry, and confused... I don't know how to feel.

Is it possible that maybe she just needs some time to figure out what she really wants or how she feels... Or from the things she said, is it pretty much clear that she don't want to be with me anymore...

I've been reading a lot of article about girlfriends dumping their boyfriend almost for the same reason of feelings not being the same and being unhappy but later on them finding out that they felt like they made a mistake and really love that person.

Please I need some feed back... I need some advice on how take these and what to do from here...

Thanks I appreciate it...

I would have to say this is over.

Her feelings have changed and she dumped you.

As for the right now, its probably her way of trying to be nice about things.

Breakups are painful,you need to accept the situation and start healing.

I suggest you go NC-no contact and start moving on.

There is more advice in the stickies at the top of the relationship page.

Sounds to me like you've totally blown it. She's been waiting patiently for you to propose and marry her and you've sat on your thumbs for 5+ years.

She's given you ample time and you haven't taken even one baby step forward. Obviously marriage and family are important to her, so she's right for moving on.

For you to ask her now, only when you think you're losing her, is like a slap in the face. I don't think she wanted to have to give you an ultimatum, she just wanted you to love her enough to WANT to marry her.

Move on - it's over.

5 years is to long to make a decision about the future, so you took her for granted through inaction or whatever.

Quote:

That I wanted to marry her, I just needed some time... But I guess she lost her patience and gave up on waiting for it. We been having this issue for about 6 months and tried to work on it. It came to a point now where she finally dumping me, she said that she still loves me, but her feelings has changed, there's no more spark and she's not happy with the relationship.

You needed time after 5 years? What an idiot. You should have just married her 6 months ago, down on one knee with a big rock to boot.

You're lucky, she should have dumped you years ago! Now is it to late? Yes for anything but a proposal, and she may say NO, but you owe her that!! Then get out of her life.

Just wondering how old you guys are?. I can relate to some of what you are going through, though there are likely some differences. Best to you...

You don't marry someone when times are good. You marry because you love each other, because no matter what happens, either losing all your money or becoming rich, you will always have each other. She obviously wanted to stand next to you through your tough times.

Saying you don't want to get married because you're not financially stable, to me, is just another excuse.

I think you lost her...

Tal they're making me spread the love. But I'll second your thoughts, idiot.

In the same breath I'll say this is how I lost my first girlfriend of 6 years. A fool was I...

Quote:

Originally Posted by miggz

Is it possible that maybe she just needs some time to figure out what she really wants or how she feels... Or from the things she said, is it pretty much clear that she don't want to be with me anymore...

I've been reading a lot of article about girlfriends dumping their boyfriend almost for the same reason of feelings not being the same and being unhappy but later on them finding out that they felt like they made a mistake and really love that person.

Please I need some feed back... I need some advice on how take these and what to do from here...

Thanks I appreciate it...

Some do regret it but you are looking at a very small possibility maybe 1 in 10 breakups and even if you get back together the chance of it working out long term is small as well.

I had an ex that said she regretted dumping me but after she married some one and had a kid lol.

Thanks for taking time on reading my problem and for replying even though some of them is a bit hard to take...

I just want to say that I do realize what's going on now...

Update:

I spoke to my ex this morning... Because I had to ask her if it was okay for me to come by her place to pick some of my stuff... After all that, I just couldn't stop myself from asking her another question...

I asked.. "Is this really it for us, is this what you really want?"

She replied... "I just need some time and space to re-evaluate us.."

I said... "No problem.. Take all the time you want. I just want you to know that I really love you and I've always known you're the one for me..."

She said... "I know you mean well... Thanks"

I said... "Can I come by today and pick up my stuff"

She said... "That's fine... You don't have to move all your stuff right now"

It seems like there still a very small chance but I'm not getting my hopes up... Also, the last thing she said got me thinking. "You don't have to move all your stuff right now"... I'm not sure if she just said to be nice or if she's really still reconsidering us...

Need some feedback...

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaxwalkerjax

Just wondering how old you guys are?....I can relate to some of what you are going through, though there are likely some differences. Best to you....

Thanks.. I'm 31 and she's 29...

Odds are she's being nice.
Sorry,I stand by my first post and am in agreement with the majority of the other posters.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amicon

Odds are she's being nice.
Sorry,I stand by my first post and am in agreement with the majority of the other posters.

Amicon, I get what you're saying and where you're coming from...

I just don't understand why she would say that she just need some time and space instead of just saying that we should just move on...

Also, I don't understand why she's telling me that I don't have to move all my stuff right now when its over... I mean if its over and she really want to move on... Wouldn't it be easier for her to move if my stuff is all out of there?

If you weren't ready, you weren't ready. Weddings aren't cheap, so I hear you if you can't swing it.

I won't say you blew it, 'cause that's not going to help at all; you two just want different things out of life. If you truly wanted the same thing, you probably would've proposed to her sometime after the second year.

Quote:

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

If you weren't ready, you weren't ready. Weddings aren't cheap, so I hear ya if you can't swing it.

I won't say you blew it, 'cause that's not going to help at all; you two just want different things out of life. If you truly wanted the same thing, you probably would've proposed to her sometime after the second year.

Thanks for the advice...

It was about on 3.5 years when we talked about getting serious and taking it the next step. She gave me some kind of timeline... She said she wanted or sees herself getting married and have kids at the age of 30... She's now 28 turning 29 in 3 months.

I've also told her many times that I also wanted to get married and have kids. I wanted what she wanted but really felt like I wasn't financially ready. When she told me 2 years ago that the ring she wants cost $12k, I was like "DAMN". She has also said that if I plan getting her anything less than that she would throw it back to my face... Her saying those things put a lot of pressure on me because I wasn't really making good enough money.

So last May 09, I went out with the boys and broke the news to them. I told them that I've been planning on how to go about proposing and about getting the ring... I told them that I decided that I was going to sell my car the means a lot to me, so I can afford the ring she wants. I wanted to surprise her and didn't want to tell her the reason I was selling my car when she asked me... I just told her maybe I might buy another car because I didn't want to give it our really surprise her.

Then come September 09 is when our problems started, she flipped out on me and we started arguing and having problems. It started there and went on every other month and every other month turned in to every month... This also affected my thought about proposing cause we started having issues. But I didn't care and still put my car for sale...

Where did I go wrong? Did I just simply waited to long... Or did I made the mistake by not telling her what my plans are...

Sound to me like she's a gold digger. Tell her to go find a sugar daddy who will give her a 12k ring. Because if you were to get her that 12k ring and married her it will not last because she'll keep demanding and you won't be able to afford it. You made the right decision not to marry her. Now move on and find someone who respect you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

Sound to me like she's a gold digger. Tell her to go find a sugar daddy who will give her a 12k ring. Because if you were to get her that 12k ring and married her it will not last because she'll keep demanding and you won't be able to afford it. You made the right decision not to marry her. Now move on and find someone who respect you.

Hahaha... Nah she's not a gold digger. She's just some what materialistic...

So you had a lucky escape.

And golddigger sound right.

Love doesn't equal a pricey ring.

She's definitely still thinking, but this is the time to make some changes QUICK!

Opps sorry I didn't see your last post. No I think she said it but didn't really mean it. It definitely does not mean she is a gold digger, I mean come on she spent five years with you when I'm sure she could have been digging something bigger and better. She clearly loves you, I'm sure she didn't mean the whole ring thing, and she probably was confused over why you were selling your car. To me that sounds unreasonable, shouldn't do that. She should marry you even if you got her a tinier ring. Even if she knew she probably wouldn't like the fact that your selling your car anyway. Just propose with what you have.