Ask Me Help Desk - Is this love? If it is then is it forbidden one?

Hi Everyone,

I am 23 yr. old Hindu gal. I never thought that I could get into such a situation. And, I never imagined that I will have to beg for help in such place like forums to solve my love problem. I have moved with my parents to Canada about 5 years back. Till last August I used to work at fast food restaurant as a Part-time job. After a year, I met a guy at my job who is 3 yrs younger than me and who is a Malayali Catholic. We worked together (at some shifts) for more than 3 years. He is really a nice guy not like other guys as per what I have noticed all those years. Everyone at my workplace likes him a lot.

At first 1-2 yrs it was all normal between us. We were like friendly but also enemies at sometimes. We used to make fun of each other, bugging and all that. But after that, one day a close friend of him who also works with us, whispered that this guy has a serious crush on me. I didn't believe about that crush and all but when I observed him hiding and watching me most of the time, I had to believe it. He started behaving so strange like talking less, no more fights you but bugging rarely, nervous while talking and all that. Like I noticed one day that even when he had no shift, he used to come and sit in his car and watch me through the glass window till my shift ended and follow me till I got into the bus (( He has been doing this sometimes till the last working day)). Since then I started feeling so strange but, nice and special feeling. In spite of all this, I took it easy but at the same time used to feel so nice, feel like talking to him but can't talk. I started feeling something is going on which is not right. So I started to ignore him few times even when he was trying to talk to me. After that days passed away like that and this was months before I was going to leave the job that I got an admission in an University. So I had to inform everyone that I was going to leave the job. I remember, his face got so upset when he heard about it. Since then he totally stopped coming in front of me or talk to me but still keeps watching me all the time hiding. But all his friends used to talk to me but not him. In fact his friend told me indirectly that ""someone"" had cried for that I am going to leave this job.

Then it was my last working day. Everyone of my co-workers came to visit me at my workplace to say me goodbye but he didn't come. Then my shift ended, when I was about leave , I remember my dad came to pick me up at the end of my shift. When I came out of the entrance and heading along with my dad towards my car, I see him sitting inside his car and watching me going. (he didn't park his car that evening where he used to to watch me)). And his friends were beside him. They were the same friends who came inside to say me goodbye. If he was there, then why didn't he also come and say bye to me. By seeing his eyes I felt strongly that he wanted to say something. I don't know what was it.

And I was so upset to leave that job but I had no other choice. I wished that he would have come and told me at least a bye that evening and I would have told him that whatever is happening is not right because it is not possible. I purposely didn't leave any of my contacts and didn't even try to contact anyone from that job because of all this. Even now when I read his wall in the Facebook through someone else's id, he sounds so sad in his conversations. I can feel that. This is making me more upset but helpless.

As soon as I finish my semester, I feel like going there visit everyone. But at same time thinking about my compulsion then I think it is going to worsen the situation. But it has been almost 7 months now and I am not able to forget him, his eyes. I keep reminding all those moments some of them that were friendly, fighting and sometimes arguing moments. I am totally confused about what was all that happened.

Please kindly suggest that if it is truly a love and if it is love then yet if it is forbidden one? Please kindly help.

You should have spoken to him when you had the chance, when you go to visit, ask others if he has a girlfriend. If yes, then just be friends or back away, don't confuse him. If not then go for it, tell him how you feel. Good luck.

I don't know what you mean by forbidden. Are you saying this because of your religions? If it's because of the religion and you don't think it will work out then move on and save both of you some more grief. If it's not religion then why not give it a try. He sound like a nice guy. He like you but too shy to approach it. Too bad nice guys always come last lol.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

I don't know what you mean by forbidden. Are you saying this because of your religions? If it's because of the religion and you don't think it will work out then move on and save both of you some more grief. If it's not religion then why not give it a try. He sound like a nice guy. He like you but too shy to approach it. Too bad nice guys always come last lol.

Hi,

Forbidden, in the sense, we are from different religions, he is 3 yr old younger to me and moreover, I am from conserved south indian hindu family where as per my knowledge no love married couples exist until now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocodrip

You should have spoken to him when you had the chance, when you go to visit, ask others if he has a girlfriend. if yes, then just be friends or back away, don't confuse him. If not then go for it, tell him how you feel. Good luck.

Could you xplain what confusion did I create till now for him to tell me what he feels. And as far as I know, he is not a shy guy.

I would have gone ahead before end of my shift, if I knew that he was in the car near the entrance.. He actually didn't park his car where he usually does when he used to watch me. On my last day, he was at the entrance so that he could see me while leaving. But when I saw him, I cudn't go and talk to him because my dad was right there beside me and neither could he. I was so sure by seeing his eyes, that he wanted to say something. I don't know what was it. If I knew before that he was there, I would have gone and spoke to him even in the mid of my shift. But I didn't knew.

And to tell you one thing, according to my observation in 3 yrs, he is not keen to girls that much. I have seen many girls at my work dying for him. But he was like didn't even care about them.

Hi Koyal, seems that it's a big question of not knowing what could have happened if..

How can you make an assumption that this is love, since it never happened? How can you let curiosity, or attraction, make you fantasize about what could be, but didn't happen?

Your not responsible for him sitting, and looking instead of talking, and doing. That he is a lot younger, and less mature, is not your fault either. So move beyond this fantasy of a young guy with a crush, he didn't know what to do with, or was scared to do anything about.

Sure it makes you wonder, but don't take those fuzzy feelings of someone who has a crush on you, and think they have anything to do with reality. Too much thinking.

Leave this behind, and remember the good feelings, but focus on what you're about to do next, not what you should have done yesterday. Fantasy is fine, as long as you wake up, and deal with reality.

Leave this in the past,whatever feelings he may have had,he never acted upon them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Hi Koyal, seems that its a big question of not knowing what could have happened if.....?

How can you make an assumption that this is love, since it never happened? How can you let curiosity, or attraction, make you fantasize about what could be, but didn't happen?

Your not responsible for him sitting, and looking instead of talking, and doing. That he is a lot younger, and less mature, is not your fault either. So move beyond this fantasy of a young guy with a crush, he didn't know what to do with, or was scared to do anything about.

Sure it makes you wonder, but don't take those fuzzy feelings of someone who has a crush on you, and think they have anything to do with reality. To much thinking.

Leave this behind, and remember the good feelings, but focus on what you're about to do next, not what you should have done yesterday. Fantasy is fine, as long as you wake up, and deal with reality.

Hello,

May be you didn't understand my topic properly. I am not at all curious about this instead I was just wondering for his all of a sudden changed attitude towards me.
I am not assuming this as love, I am just questioning if this is love or not.
I am not wondered at all for him having a crush on me. And to tell you something, this is not the first time that I came across such related matter. I was proposed by two people before but I rejected the two because I didn't feel their's was love at all. Both of them got silly reason's for proposal. One of them is the guy also from my work. The thing was some of my co-workers used to link both of us with each other. Like teasing me or him about each other for some stupid idiotic thing. And then that guy came and proposed to me one day for no reason. That guy's was not love because its something born after we got linked with each other. So obviously I rejected him.

Anywayz, I think I can't describe how he was staring at me that evening.

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I am not assuming this as love, I am just questioning if this is love or not.

I thought I made it plain that it wasn't love, but a young guy with a crush, end of story. On your part, its just curiosity, since he did nothing but look, you will never know his true feelings, neither will he.

I think it is sad that the only way you can judge your own feelings toward him is by keeping him at such a distance as to make it impossible.

While I respect your cultural considerations, you live in Canada now, and it is quite acceptable to talk to people, go for coffee, get to know others of the opposite sex etc. It has nothing to do with love, it has to do with making friends.

Seems you missed a good opportunity there.