About 6 months ago my girlfriend seemed to spend a lot of time with me.

Id see her on a Friday evening, sometimes on the Saturday and maybe once or twice through the week.

She started working a Saturday evening so over the weekend I would see her on the Friday. On occasion she would get asked out by her girlfriends so she wouldn't be over which was cool. But then it started happening every week and Friday became her night with her friends. She was working on the Saturday evening, so I would see her on Sunday.

This was cool for a while until she started grad school which is an hour or so away. She is there from late Sunday afternoon and returns home late Thursday evening. Once she left this meant I couldn't see her on week nights anymore. She leaves to go back there on sundays around 4pm so I couldn't really see her on the Sunday either so this left about 4 hours during the daytime on Saturday. Now she would sleep in until about 1pm and by the time she got ready it was about 2:30pm and I would only see her until 5:30pm when she started work. I asked why I couldn't see her on Friday nights anymore and she said, you know I go out with my friends then.

She's home next weekend, as are some of her other friends who attend different schools. I asked to see her next weekend and she said, Ive got plans with my friends on the Friday, working sat and plans with them again on the Sunday, I'll see you through the week though because none of them will be doing anything during the week and I know you'll be free on the week nights.

It made me feel like crap to have somebody not value my time like that.

Ive be patient all this time but I had to say something. I called her up and asked why she couldn't see me on the weekend. She said she has plans with her friends, the same friends on both the Friday night and the Sunday night. I asked why she couldn't see the on one night and see me the other, she said she told me she'd already see me through the week. I asked why I should have to wait until through the week and be worked around her other plans, I explained it doesn't make me feel good to be an after thought. She said she won't be making plans with them through the week because 'nobody goes out during the week'.

I said yeah but I'd like to see you on a weekend for once, people see their girlfriends on weekends, girlfriends like to see their boyfriends on weekends, but not you.

She blew up at me and said, all you want is your own way all the time. She said I haven't seen my friends since christmas so I apologise for wanting to see them. I said that's fine, but you have 3 weeks to see them and you can't even give me 1 evening this weekend. She said I was trying to create unnecessary problems.

Many people have made comments uncluding my mum who said 'oh she's not just going to plan her time with you around her other plans with her friends, that's not on. But if you're going to let her get away with it, you deserve everything that comes to you'

Ive been a little bit off with her for quite a few weeks because this has been getting to me. She keeps saying how I over look the fact she used to make all that time for me 'used' to being the important word. Its no good barely seeing me now then saying, well I used to see you often before.

I just don't like that feeling, oh well I'm busy on the weekend but you're free during the week and I won't be doing anything then so I will see you then. I don't think she's acting like somebody who wants to be in a relationship.

Maybe Im in the wrong and way off, what you guys think?

Personally, I would cut her out of my life.

It sounds like she is no longer making you a priority like she used to. I can understand wanting to go out with friends, but she should try to be flexible and spend time with you on the weekends like she used to!

It sounds like you tried talking to her about it, she is putting up walls and getting defensive. Since she is not willing to compromise or discuss any problems with you, is she really worth your time?

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

Personally, I would cut her out of my life.

It sounds like she is no longer making you a priority like she used to. I can understand wanting to go out with friends, but she should try to be flexible and spend time with you on the weekends like she used to!

It sounds like you tried talking to her about it, she is putting up walls and getting defensive. Since she is not willing to compromise or discuss any problems with you, is she really worth your time?

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Im not very petty, if she wanted to see her friends who are home from school this weekend, I WOULD have said fine. Had she not have seen her other friends EVERY weekend for the last 6 months. But because I haven't seen her for 1 evening on a weekend for that amount of time, Im not fine with this.

I explained this on the phone and she said I was being unreasonable and said ' I haven't seen my friends since xmas and I really want to see them' I replied ' they're going to be here for 3 weeks so you have time, do you really need to see them twice in 1 weekend' She said well after that she probably won't see them until the following weekend since they don't make plans through the week. Well they do because they did during the xmas break. Then got defensive and said, 'you know I barely see them'

I replied 'you barely see me' she didn't say a word!

As far as she's concerned, Im not getting my way and being 'Number 1' so Im making a fuss.

I feel like calling and telling her I don't want her to come during the week. But obviously this is going to be a pathetic move because Im only saying it because she can't fit me into her weekend.

Thanks for your advice.
It sounds like she's only coming to see me through the week because she won't be doing anything with them.


Also just to mention, she said it was ME who wasn't making a compromise on this occasion.

I said to her that she isn't making me feel like her top priority and she said, no and Im not going to either. Its not all about you.

Her priorities have changed and it seems so have her feelings.

I would suggest you have a serious conversation with her and find out where this relationship is heading.

Yea my ex pulled the "you are unreasonable" card when she was breaking up with me.

Which is completely untrue, it sounds like you are trying to be reasonable.

I would agree with amicon, to try to have a serious discussion with her, but based on what she has said so far, I don't see it going very far.

Be ready to cut it off.

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Originally Posted by amicon

Her priorities have changed and it seems so have her feelings.

I would suggest you have a serious conversation with her and find out where this relationship is heading.

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We've kind of had that conversation but not in as many words and the outcome was, its me creating a fuss over nothing.

I actually tell a lie, because Ive seen her over the past 3 weekends on the Friday evening but ONLY because 3 weeks ago her and her girfriends decided that going out every weekend was too much. So she told me, I'm not going out every Friday now so I can see you again. That made me feel like a million dollars!

She's said to me a lot of times over the past 2 or so months, you're not being yourself with me. I thought well I wonder why?

Regardless of what she says, her actions are those of a girl who wants a boyfriend. She seems more interested in going out with her friends and it makes me feel like a fall back plan. Especially this recent episode.

We've been dating for around 20 months as well.

The thing is she still calls and texts me all the time, says I love you plenty, shows me a lot of attention/affection when Im with her. But for the past 6 months, the only times Ive seemed to be with her is around her other plans. When I remind her of this, she reminds me of how I forget she used to see me often.

Its no good saying I used to do this or that. Its about now.

I just don't know what to do. Ive brought this issue up a couple of times now, not as directly as I did over the phone but she still got the point and we have the same outcome.

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

Yea my ex pulled the "you are unreasonable" card when she was breaking up with me.

Which is completely untrue, it sounds like you are trying to be reasonable.

I would agree with amicon, to try to have a serious discussion with her, but based on what she has said so far, I don't see it going very far.

Be ready to cut it off.

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For what its worth and even if I was being unreasonable, which I don't think I am.

Its making me feel worthless and honestly, I don't think you can have a good relationship unless you put the time into it. Its easy to not see your friends for a couple of weeks and you're all still cool but when you don't see your partner, and you don't make them a priority, its not so cool.

Well if you are getting the same outcome you need to make a decision if this is how you want to live.

If you want to stay with her, how about you start living your own life apart from her. Is it possible for you to start going out with friends on the weekend? Make yourself less available to her?

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

Well if you are getting the same outcome you need to make a decision if this is how you want to live.

If you want to stay with her, how about you start living your own life apart from her. Is it possible for you to start going out with friends on the weekend? Make your self less available to her?

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I do, either on a Friday or a Saturday but the days switch round all the time. Lately its been on saturdays. She works that evening so its no problem. Still leaves me free on Friday, which I could fill up. But that still leaves me free through the week nights. She actually said to me that she knows Im free most of the time so why should she rearrange her plans when she can pretty much arrange to see me anytime. Of course this is true but its about principle. You don't just make your other plans round your boyfriend because you know he will probably be free.

And you can bet your bottom dollar, when she goes back to school in 3 weeks. If she comes home and see's me on the Saturday afternoon like she normally does and I say, oh I have a plan to see my friends. She'll make me into the bad guy. I can picture her saying something like 'but you know I normally see you on that day, why can't you see them another day' which is exactly what she did.

I suggested I can't go on much longer like this. She's back from school for good around June and said, I'll be able to see you more when Im home so it won't be a problem.

You're maybe talking but you're not solving the problem/problems,so there's no real communication.

Relationship are about compromise, I don't see her trying to at least meet you somewhere in the middle.

I would go do my own thing,and regardless of what she says,be busy when it suits you.

"She actually said to me that she knows Im free most of the time so why should she rearrange her plans when she can pretty much arrange to see me anytime."

She no longer respects your time or effort. RUN!

"She'll make me into the bad guy."

Some girls do this when they know they are wrong, its just to shift blame to make you feel guilty and mess with your instinct.

Trust me, you are starting to see her true colors and behaviors now. Controlling, manipulative, disrespectful. (Which is probably what she will claim you are when she breaks up with you!)

Look, I could be totally wrong, this is just how I see things.

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

"She actually said to me that she knows Im free most of the time so why should she rearrange her plans when she can pretty much arrange to see me anytime."

She no longer respects your time or effort. RUN!

"She'll make me into the bad guy."

Some girls do this when they know they are wrong, its just to shift blame to make you feel guilty and mess with your instinct.

Trust me, you are starting to see her true colors and behaviors now. Controlling, manipulative, disrespectful. (Which is probably what she will claim you are when she breaks up with you!)

Look, I could be totally wrong, this is just how I see things.

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You could be wrong, BUT your not the first person to say this to me...

And in response to the time and effort thing, when I challenged her on it she said, look don't get at me because I have more of a social life than you. If your free and Im busy, why would you want to be awkward and see me when I have plans.

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Originally Posted by BigJC

You could be wrong, BUT your not the first person to say this to me...

And in response to the time and effort thing, when I challenged her on it she said, look dont get at me because I have more of a social life than you. If your free and Im busy, why would you want to be awkward and see me when I have plans.

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That sounds a little ridiculous. Instead of trying to compromise with you, she is trying to put you down.

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

That sounds a little ridiculous. Instead of trying to compromise with you, she is trying to put you down.

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Well in this instance she said I wasn't compromising because she agreed to see me through the week. How is that a compromise on her behalf?

I ask to see her at the weekend, absolutely not, I'll see you through the week. That is just me getting pushed to a time she is not seeing her friends AGAIN.

She was really raising her tone of voice on the phone this time too and said she is sick of me making a big deal out of this. Said I can't be first in everything. Then kind of made a suggestion that if I keep on like this, its not going to end up good.

I got a text from her about 5 minutes ago saying something about her dads leg has a clot and its travelled to his groin and she doesn't know what to do, if to ring the hospital or not. She clearly knows what to do, a 5 yr old would know. She's just texting to see if I'll respond.

After we had an argument last summer about something and she was abrupt on the phone then hung up, she text me about 30 minutes later saying her wisdom tooth absess burst and she came over all shakey and was scared and didn't know what to do.

I think that's quite a maniuplate little quirk because it seems she's testing to see if I'll reply after she's been unreasonable on the phone.

I would be busy during the week, and unavailable on week ends. And Mr. Smiley face when she did catch up to me.

She is doing her thing, you should be doing hers, and what's the point in having a girlfriend who is too busy to make time for you? Let her have her friends, but don't whine for time, get busy, and do your own thing.

Don't let one monkey, stop the show.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I would be busy during the week, and unavailable on week ends. And Mr. Smiley face when she did catch up to me.

She is doing her thing, you should be doing hers, and whats the point in having a girlfriend who is too busy to make time for you? Let her have her friends, but don't whine for time, get busy, and do your own thing.

Don't let one monkey, stop the show.

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Ive tried to be busy during the week before. I actually enjoy writing, I write a blog too so I spend time doing that durin the week. Ive said before, oh I won't see you tonight because Im going to write for a while but because that isn't a real activity such as going out to a restaurant or going to a bar which is what she does its almost as if it doesn't count and it gets waved and she expects I'll see her with comments such as, can you not do that another time.

If I say Im busy, she will also ask and probe to see what Im doing, if Im not actually busy as in out every night, this isn't going to work.

And lets be honest, if I get super busy and she is always busy, what is the point in us going out?

Right now, she only seems to see me when she's not busy with her things, but that's cool because she used to make time for me and I'm so silly I keep forgetting that!

I really don't feel like I have a lot of options on this one. No matter what I say Im in the wrong and Im not willing to compromise as far as she's concerned yet I think those same things about her.

I don't feel like I have a lot of options here.

My friends suggest I go meet up with my girlfriend and her friends on a weekend. I don't mind going bars, I just don't like her friends. Ive tried with them several times and I get nothing. One of them has a dislike for me because she thinks Im always moaning to my girlfriend about when Im going to see her haha. Surprising I know! The main reason is, a few of them are wasters who do hard drugs and I DO NOT like being around people who behave like that. My girlfriend is from a very conservative family who also don't worrent this kind of behaviour but since my gf's friends are all at school when she comes home on the weekends, these are the only girls she has to hang out with. Ive told her time and time again I won't associate with people like that and that is MY choice. She responded by asking me who the hell I thought I was to speak bad about people like that...

It seems like you are making excuses every time. Almost as if you don't want it to get better. I would suggest finding a life outside of your girfriend. Start doing things you enjoy and make time with her when you both can. You are too avaible to her. If that doesn't work for you then maybe you should think about letting go and moving on.

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Originally Posted by overayear1

It seems like you are making excuses every time. Almost as if you dont want it to get better. I would suggest finding a life outside of your girfriend. Start doing things you enjoy and make time with her when you both can. You are too avaible to her. If that dosent work for you then maybe you should think about letting go and moving on.

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You're right, I do appear to be making excuses.

Its been 6 months, actually more. Its been the same ever since. For the year she made plenty time to see me then it slowly dropped off. I have a life which Im quite happy with, I go out and see my friends about twice per week, the other nights I spend a couple of hours in the gym and either write or play my piano.

Its not showed any signs of changing and when I bring it up it causes nothing but arguments. Maybe Im done with this and Im just dragging it out now.

Thanks guys, I'll have a good think about this one.

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And lets be honest, if I get super busy and she is always busy, what is the point in us going out?

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Read my signature and see if anything applies to you.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Read my signature and see if anything applies to you.

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All of them!

Only two points that I don't understand. My life hasn't changed Ive done my own thing all this time and Im happy with it. So knowing that.

1. why did she give me plenty of time in the first year

2. most girls I know actually want to see their boyfriends on a weekend

She can't have a week day boyfriend, or a boyfriend she can see when she isn't doing anything else.

Im going to take your advice and start being busy.

Thanks

Maybe you're a boyfriend in name only.