Threads merged

I am 31yrs old and have been in a serious relationship with a girl aged 20 for several months now(our families have been close for years). She is deeply religious and I told her I would never want to have sex with her until were married(though I told her I had done it before).I love her(though I know she loves me more like crazy). She said she is a virgin and I believe her because I trust her though she is still much naïve about life generally. We do kiss now and then but recently I almost pushed things a bit to far. We got kissing real deep and I started to finger her and made her hold my penis(she was in between enjoyment and pain but she kind of wanted to stop). Any way we pulled ourselves together and stopped. She admitted that it made her feel like having sex with me but that she knows it is bad and sinful towards God. We agreed never to get too physical like that again. I told her that sex would ruin things for us and she promised to keep her virginity for me till we were married( but I know she is so vulnerable with me). But my friend said that if I don't disvirgin her now before she heads to college (in the next several months) that some one else will beat me too it. But I said that if I do it now that she might be tempted to taste more of it from other guys while in college and that I would never even know again if I'm the only one she has slept with. I trust her but please I still need advice?

Don't add to your sins by doing the deed, just trust her, she made a promise didn't she ? Better that than offending God more. Someday we all have to give an account of ourselves to him. You would be wise to sincerely repent of your former actions before it's too late to do so !

Wishing you both a happy life together. Been there

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Originally Posted by kideo

should i disvirgin my girlfriend..... she admitted that it made her feel like having sex with me but that she knows it is bad and sinful towards God

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Hello k:

Somebody has to. Although if you think it's sinful, you better not.

excon

So your friends are telling you to do it before she goes to college and someone else does it. You think if you do it she will want it more in college.

Your 31? Then act it! Your talking about her like she is a piece of meat to pounce on. Poor girl has done anything yet and she is already getting blamed.

Aw man, she wants to wait for marriage, and she is going to school. If your interest are beyond the little head, you don't press for sex, and don't get in a situation either of you will regret. And after a few months, you better get better acquainted and don't let the little head get you carried away.

She may be a virgin, and her age makes you think she is naïve, but virgin religious girls know more than you think.

Get your fingers out of your nose, and pay attention. Listening to your friends, is not a good idea, ( it's a lousy one) and you say she is naïve? Judge this for yourself, as sex complicates things, especially among the young, or inexperienced. The last thing you need is a complicated relationship with a young virgin, leaving for school soon. I would be wary, because you really don't know what you want from her in the first place, when you take the sex off the table, do you?

Don't have sex with her until you're married. I'm not a Christian and I still believe in that principle. Wait until you're totally committed to her before doing it. As for college, if she really loves you then you have nothing to fear. She won't have sex with others and she won't throw away her virginity just like that.

If you trust her and she wants to wait until marriage, wait. Also "disvirgin" isn't a word, though we know what you're talking about.

If you think she's going to go to college and have sex with other men, it's all the more reason not to have sex with her now. If the idea is honoring God and your relationship, you should remain celibate (since being a virgin is no longer an option for you) until you marry her and she should remain a virgin.

She may meet someone in college and chose them over you and then just not marry you, but it's unlikely this moral of a girl would have sex with another man and yet want to stay with you. If she's into you, she'll wait until her wedding night and you should respect her in that because you promised to do so.

Threads merged



In my search for a girl I finally came across this chick of 20. She has almost all one could want in a girl-pretty, caring, non materialistic, respectful etc though she's also the quiet, reserved, naïve and shy type. We hung out on some occasions then decided to date each other and see where things will lead eventually. Sex with me was also her first time. Now that I have become her life according to her, she talks more freely and often to me. I really like her a lot but the problem is that I am now noticing more often that she annoyingly makes a lot of grammatical errors in her English- speaking, writing, reading and spelling. English is her first language. I often correct her and tell her about her problem and she accepts. Even got her books on English, encyclopedias, dictionaries etc but her ability to grasp is very poor and so there is basically no improvement (though at times I just think she is slow). Honestly I wonder how she made it through secondary school (and now she is trying to get into college). How do I even leave her in a long and intelligent conversation with my friends? What should I do?

She was good enough for you to take her virginity, but not good enough to be around your friends. What a maroon. How come you didn't complain about her poor English before you were thinking with the little head? Is this something that just came up, or are you now seeing drawbacks to make excuses to withdraw, now that you got what you want?

Get her a tutor.

Sounds to me like you were nuts about her until you had sex with her and now she's suddenly got all kinds of things wrong with her.

I get the feeling like you got what you wanted and now it's on the downhill.

If your girlfirend is really a great girl who loves you, respects you, and is trustworthy, why would you worry about a little thing like English?

It's completely disrespectful of you to buy her books and lecture her on her English. You should be proud of her for her great qualities. Treating her like you do is ABUSE.

The problem is not your girl, the problem is YOU.

How could you not pick up that her english was not that great?

It sounds like you are just finding a reason to be an to this girl now that you have gotten sex. You should be able to understand and respect that her english skills aren't the greatest.

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Originally Posted by kideo

[B]In my search for a girl I finally came across this chick of 20.

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At thirty-plus years of age, you shouldn't have been looking for a 'girl'. She, at twenty years of age, is not a 'girl' or a 'chick'. She is a young woman who deserves to be respected as an unique and wonderful individual.

Are these 'friends' that you can't take her around the same ones who said to take her virginity before she went to college so no one else could? What happened to no sex before marriage and your religious convictions?

I certainly hope she lives in a country where she can meet men who act like men instead of little boys with broken toys.

Is English your first language? Do you speak and write it perfectly all of the time? If it isn't your native tongue, do you speak and write it with the perfection you expect from her?

You sound like a 31 year old jerk to me.

You sit in judgment of her, while you have the arrogance to debate whether you should 'disvirgin' her?

Then the merged thread says you have had sex with her, so I guess you went with the theory that you mentioned that if you 'disvirgined' her, some other chump wouldn't.

What you deserve is a $20 hooker down on Main Street that would care as little for you, as you do for her.

To judge another human being is bad enough, but to manipulate her, and try to mould her to meet your 'standard's' is truly a stretch.

You have no standards. I hope she does meet a caring gentle man when she goes to college, and is loved for who she is. Truly loved, without the ticky boxes and snobbish remarks.

She deserves better.

Given the context of the merged threads...

You basically want to screw her before some other guy does and you don't think she is good enough to leave with your friends without embarrassing you.

Please...

Tell me where I have this wrong...

Seriously... really...

Know what?

Never mind.

In all my time here, more than a few have ticked me off. I'm irish serb. A guy. I have a temper and some to spare.

But you are a f*c)ing pr)ck.

Period.

Double dog that.

Really?

I don't know... fine to want sex and fine to want it before another... its probably a natural thing... but you think so little of her in one thread and then are so focused on God and her virginity in the other.

I swear I need a shower just having read this.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

What you deserve is a $20 hooker down on Main Street that would care as little for you, as you do for her.

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I don't think that's fair to the $20 Hooker Jake :cool:

You, dear sir, are an a$$.

You're dating someone nearly half your age who you ADMIT is naïve and inexperienced in life. You manipulated her into having sex with you. Now you've SUDDENLY developed a problem with her command of the english language.

You manipulated and used this girl. Now you're belittling and insulting her.

I'm going to say it once again. You, dear sir, are an a$$.

I hope she goes off to college, meets people who can help her adjust and experience life, dumps your sorry a$$, and finds someone worth her time and affection. Hopefully, she doesn't end up completely regretting losing her virginity to you, but I find that doubtful.



By the way, disvirgin is NOT a word. It seems like you need to work on YOUR command of the english language, too.

She deserves better. You are an A$$. Who would have thought a 31 year old could be this immature!

Do HER a favour and GROW UP! No do her a favour and disappear from her life so she can find someone better.

People like you make me to throw up!

KP may be irish serb, male, but I'm German, 39 and female.

Kideo, many have called you and a$$, but I disagree. I've met many a$$es in my time, but all of them are better then you, far and beyond.

Keep your penis in your pants, because you're not worthy to have any female.

This girl gave you her virginity. I realize that you're a jerk and probably don't realize what's involved in that, but considering what type of girl she is, she didn't do this lightly. She didn't just say "hey, what they heck, I have to lose it sometime". She trusted you, and now you're here belittling her. How dare you.

Is this why you choose young women, because they're not confident enough to stand up to a jerk like you?

Well dear, bring it on. You wouldn't last 2 minutes in a room with me, that I can promise you. I won't lay a hand on you, won't have to. All I have to do is talk and soon you'll realize how it feels to be belittled, degraded.

Bad boy! Bad bad boy!