I have a boyfriend for 2 years who likes to go t strip clubs with friends to get drinks and play pool... I completely disagree... we live together, have a healthy sex life and his friends all have a second girl, but have a wife at home.. I tell him this is very upsetting and he gets very mad with me... one day I got his keys and ask him to leave our house because of this place... he promised me to never go back there... now I found out he is been going there "to play pool" in the middle or end of the day without tell me... As much I love him and I thought we were stable couple... I am seriously thinking to end this relationship... because I can trust him anymore... What should I do?

If he won't respect how you feel about things, maybe you should take time away from the relationship until he figures out what's more important to him; you or the stripclubs.

You need to stick to you values. If him going to a strip club goes against your values then I really think he should at least consider your feelings, if not respect them completely. However, if this is something that doesn't go against your values, and it's a jealousy/trust problem, then this is something you need to come to terms with.

While I don't have a problem with strip clubs, everyone is different. It doesn't sound like he is even considering how you feel about this. If this is true, you really need to rethink your relationship and how much he values it.

I really don't think the problem here is the strip clubs. There's no communication, he's been lying to your face, going behind your back and you're right, how can you possibly continue on with the relationship when there's no longer any trust there.

How did you find out he's been lying?

Honestly he is going there to play pool or hang out with his friends. Does he spend all his time there? Who does he come home too. Just because he is going, does not mean you can not trust him. How do you know he is going? Is he telling you? If he is then he is not really hiding much is he?

See this wouldn't be a problem if he did this maybe ever 3 months. Or so... but it sounds like it is constant and he is going at the middle of the day and at the end of night?

He has a problem and it sounds like you are a respectable woman who deserves a better man... let him go

I think everyone needs to take a personal inventory of what is a deal breaker, what things are worth fighting about/for, and what things can be given a pass... and this isn't the same from person to person.

You have more than one issue here. You don't like that he goes to strip clubs. You don't like that his friends all seem to have something on the side. You don't like that he lied to you about stopping. You don't like that he is now altering his schedule to accommodate those lies.

Again... I'm not here to defend or tear down whatever he choses. Its his choice. Just as its your choice to draw that line in the sand.

All you can do is be clear and honest about your expectations. If those are not being met, then you need to decide where you stand. If you stay, you accept these things and don't get to complain. If you leave, you know why.

I think he certainly is wrong for lying to you. Its fine if he isn't willing to drop this... but that's a choice he should own.

She never said how often it happens, she never said that he lied about it. Too me it sounds like you monitor and want to control his every moment. If you do not trust him... Which I do not think you have very good reasons for not trusting him except his friends reputations which you should not be putting on him. Just because they are cheating does not mean he is.

So There are two sides to every story lets get the whole story from you? How bad is it really?

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

she never said that he lied about it.

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He said he wouldn't go. He has gone back. That's lying, right?

And she gets to decide how much lying is acceptable to her... is five times somehow better than three?

The thing is making such a huge issue of it. Obviously he told the truth from the start. When she started getting all funny about it. Making huge issues about it. He felt the need to not tell her about it. Why? Because she would accuse him of cheating?

She herself said the relationship was really good so obviously his so called time was not a lot of time spent in these places for her to notice? Right?

It is a very dangerous precedent to say "you made me lie because you would have unreasonably flipped out"...

It is reasonable to say that he should be willing to stand by his word.

And its not the first time we've heard the "he is a great guy but..." line. Yes... there might be more to it. I'm fine with that.

no... she doesn't get to punish him for having scummy friends... tho' its short sighted to say a persons friends don't influence them. If my son hung around with lousy people, id be a little worried about his standards.

So... I'm just not going to blame her outright for being "funny" about something that many women are not OK with. I'm not going to make her own it all by blaming her for "making huge issues about it"...

Truth and honesty and respect are huge issues to some people.

And I don't hold her position about where he is going, I don't believe your drinking buddies define who you are, but I do think a man can hold true to what he says... and if he cant, then he either doesn't have the pair to stand his ground or he simply thinks lying is an acceptable way to get what he wants. Ick to both.

Again... I'm more liberal about what he is doing...

She has issues about trust... those lie with her, in part. He did things he said he wouldn't. Period. She did not make him.

The fact that he made a promise he couldn't keep, is the real thing to deal with. But he made the promise to keep you off his back.

Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker or not, but since it seems there is no middle ground, you both can agree on, and you were more than willing to boot him about it before, I see no point in doing anything but booting him again.

The problems don't matter much if your not willing to work on this together, and compromise.