Hey all,
I met this girl at the bar the other night. I actually knew this girl before randomly seeing her at the bar because she works in the same building as me. At the bar, she told me that she used to always walk by my office to check me out. So, she has liked me for a couple years now. She was basically throwing herself at me while at the bar. We ended up leaving the bar together and she drove me back to her apartment. On the way back to her apartment she asked me why I never approached her before now. This is where I messed up and I would have never said this if I were sober. I told her I was in a relationship and we broke up a couple months ago. When she asked why we broke up, I told her the complete truth which was stupid because it was a very ugly end (she was cheating on me). I remember right after I told her this she said I would have to sleep on her couch. After demoting me, we just ended up making out for a long time before I went home. Surprisingly, the next day she texted me basically saying hey. I texted her back. The next day she texted me again around the same time in the afternoon. So, I decided to call her later in the evening to see if she wanted to hang out that night. Apparently she was working late. Two days later (today) I decided to call her and ask her to dinner with me. She didn't pick up so I just left a message telling her why I called and she has yet to respond. What's my next step? Do I just wait for her to respond? Do I try to talk to her at work? Is she playing games right now or did my relationship story blow any chances with her? I will say again that this girl was really into me and has been for awhile. I'm confused. I will add that her parents just divorced so she might be dealing with some stuff right now.

My thoughts are that perhaps she sees the cheating as possible future problems. However it would be weird and a round about way of a problem since it happened to you, but regardless since her parents just got devorced and all that it may have scared her.
Only other reason I could come up with why her thoughts shifted after the story is only that maybe she doesn't want to be a rebound girl. Make sure she knows you are into her for her not for the sake of being with someone. Ask her what she is in it for, if its just a casual thing she is looking for or a long term thing. These are all good questions. You should pursue her further in my opinion, but don't think that she demoted you to the couch, just that she may have sobered up a little bit and didn't want to look like a sl#t or make you think she was so she thought it would look better to you if she was willing to wait.
Believe it or not I think women like to take it slow with guys they really like. Mine didn't but then again we are having problems now, after a year and a half. So who knows. Just look at her as respectible and try to charm her butt off. :)

Well, you can't undo the past... you mightve given up too much info, but you can't anticipate what's she's going to do with what info she gets anyway... another girl mightve been more sympathetic to a broken heart that was cheated on...

So... you don't know if its tied to the parents divorce. You don't know if she's cheated on someone before and didn't like the possible stigma. You don't know.

I went out on a date with a girl a few times. Sort of similar situation. We'd always kind of flirted... she was shy. I was taken whenever we would run into each other. This went on for two years... always thought if I were free, id go straight after her.

And I did.

And it was just a case of not quite right. Don't know what she thought id be, but I clearly wasn't what she wanted. I liked her well enough to push for a few more dates a couple of times... but it didn't take long for her silence to tell me loud and clear that sometimes the anticipation is as good as it gets.

Obviously, something struck her wrong...

You called and left a message... ball is in her court. I like to chase with the best of 'em, but she's got to be willing to give a little back, in my opinion.

I actually thought I blew it while going home that night. So, I was really thrown off by her next day text. I figured that meant she wanted to hang out again. Doesn't it suck that guys have to be nearly flawless when talking to a girl the first time. I mean she could have said pretty much anything and it probably would not have worried me about her. What do you think about approaching her at work in a couple days if she does not approach or call me first?

Yeah not a bad idea. Just keep it low pressure.

Something that kind of bothers me about the situation is that I left something in her car that night that I need. So I have to approach her again if she does not approach me. I even told her after she texted me the next day that I left this item in her car. If it was left in my car, I would have given it back the next day probably. Very weird.

Well, I wouldn't keep pushing the invitation to hang out... you put that out there and she has so far held back.

If you really need whatever it is, id straight up contact her and kindly ask "when would be a good time to come by and pick up my whateveritis? we can do it at work or outside work, your call."

Honestly, if you have to work this hard on the front side of the relationship, its pretty telling. Who the hell doesn't have some baggage? Sure... you don't need to go into the messy details so fast, but what's done is done. If being where you've been puts her off that fast... just seems like you'll need to be guarded all the time. Drama... I just don't have a lot of patience for that unless it is worth the noise... and right now, she's not making it worth the noise.

So... she has your thing you need. Contact her about it. Be pleasant. Don't chase unless she clearly invites you. If she keeps blowing you off, she's rude and playing games.

Good advice. I will just get my stuff without trying to pursue her in anyway. If she is still flirtatious with me, I will be flirtatious with her but will not ask her out again. She has to reply to my previous invite. I do not want to try too hard anyway, especially after my last relationship.

Both of you gave good advice.

I am against work place romances, but get your stuff back, and check her out at work, at least find out what your getting into.

I kind of get the feeling you would have been a one night stand any way. That's what you expected when you left the bar together. Just sex. So don't go fantasizing about more, without more to go on.

She probably sees you as a nice guy who was on a love rebound, who would more than likely cling to her to heal your heart, after your break up. That's not a good thing in the workplace.

Thanks for the advice. I am also against workplace romances. The only reason I decided to pursue the girl that night is that she works for a completely different department within my building and on a different floor. So, besides her occasionally coming by to check me out, I never work with her or see her.