Im about to meet my new boyfriends kids for the first time, I'm not sure if it is proper to bring them gifts, or not? What is proper when meeting the kids?
|
Im about to meet my new boyfriends kids for the first time, I'm not sure if it is proper to bring them gifts, or not? What is proper when meeting the kids?
You want them to like you for you, not for what you can give them. Rather than gifts, take along age-appropriate activities you can do with them -- paint books and brushes, sticker books, books to read together, a family of hand puppets, or just go basic with crayons and construction or printer paper for drawing pictures together.
When I used to babysit, I would take along cute stickers of wild and domestic animals, sheets of printer paper, and crayons. We would first draw a scene with the crayons -- some hills, a tree or two, a lake in the foreground, a sun smiling happily. Then we would add animal stickers here and there. After we were all finished, we would take turns telling a story about our picture or putting one together as a group project -- depends on the ages of the children.
If the weather is good and you will be in a big back yard or park, take along a big ball and Frisbee and jump rope.
In other words, if you spend money at all, don't spend much. The children want your attention and to get to know you as a fun person who will spend time with them. They don't want your money. Trust me!
I think that spending time with them is better than buying a gift.
Wait until you get to know them better before buying a gift, then you can get something more specific to their liking.
When you go on a first date, you're not exactly going to buy the guy a gift. What would you buy? You don't even know him. I think the same idea applies to kids that you've never met before.
If you want them to like you, then spend some quality time with them doing so that you can get to know them better.
How old are they?
Girls, boys?
How long have you been together?
How old are you?
How does he get along with his ex?
How long was he single before you met?
How long has he been getting his kids on a regular basis?
Where are you meeting them?
Do you have kids??
I hope you, and he, make a plan together.
I will.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Thanks, I have been thinking about this before and didn't know what is proper, I really appreciate it
Quote:
Originally Posted by I wish
Thanks, I appriciate your advice
Bring nothing, just be nice and try to get to know them... trust me I went through the same thing before and did not know how to react but I learned what is right and wrong with kids when meeting them...
Get to know them, try to make them comfortable and realize it is the first time you are meeting them... since he has custody of the kids it is important to him that you are somebody he would like to have his kids around so make sure you at least TRY... once he sees that he will know how much better of a person you are and the relationship will improve greatly...
As others have said, don't take gifts... unless it is a part of the culture where you live... there are those where bringing gifts is a custom... but you don't mention this.
And id show measured interest in getting to know them... as in who they are and what they like and their interests. I say "measured" because its silly to go overboard with feigned interest... this of course is moderated by their ages... to be a hero to a 3 year old is easy. Get on your knees and play. Make silly sounds. Be a jungle gym. As they get older, you need to adjust.
When I started to date a single mother with a young daughter one of the things I failed to do was show enough interest in her... it wasn't that I wasn't interested... I just tried to give her too much room. She didn't seem to care for me (the guy taking time with her mother away from her) and I thought she needed the space.
Sure... maybe she did... or maybe not. It wasn't until I started making myself clearly vested in her interests that she warmed up... for ex, she went away for a week and while she was gone I helped paint her room and move in new furniture.
Tho' she was thrilled with the new digs, it was really about the attention to her likes that was more important... she saw that I wasn't just taking up time.
Now... I'm not saying try to do all of this with your first meeting... just be prepared for it to maybe not be everything you hope for, and understand that showing genuine interest is really the best thing you can do.
I remember at one point, when the daughter was going through a fit of really not wanting me there... writing magnetic hate poetry on the fridge, covering up my pictures with magnets... that the mother said to me "shes a good girl. she will come around in time"... she was and she did...
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:36 AM. |