My story is a little from most of those here... I'm reasonably close to over my breakup and I'm about to "move on" in life. This is a really sensitive point in my life, and any feedback about anything would be appreciated.

Trying to make it short:

My senior year of HS, I met a girl, N. N and I became pretty fast friends. Within about six months (during that summer) we were best friends. Things got more and more involved and we really grew to love each other. We spent everyday together and talked whenever we were apart. In January, we began dating. It was... ecstasy. We were each other's first loves and we worked together flawlessly. Even today, we can still laugh and finish sentences, think the same thoughts, etc. We never fought, it was all very perfect.

At the beginning of that summer, she broke up with me (6 months). I realized then that she had mentioned commitment issues several times when we were friends. I know it was touchy for her. There was the quintessential "break" and "confusion." She cited fear as her reason for breaking up. I'm inclined to believe it. The only doubt I have about it is how suddenly it came up. One week of on and off contact followed by a "break."

After that, I tried... I can't even explain... I tried so hard to get this girl back. For almost 3 months, she said she did eventually want to try again. That time never came. Instead, after we broke up, I spent 9 months in hell. We love each other, but it's so impossible when one party now loves the other to such a greater degree. This was immense depression. Every thought and emotion rose and fell on her for those months. I went through all sorts of stages I won't bother to elaborate upon. All through this time, we still spent nearly each day together. It was often awkward and strained, but we were still there for each other.

I really started to improve the following January. It was around this time she started to withdraw. Not solely from me, but it seems from most people. She's been depressed. I feel terrible about this because I'll always love her in a way. I had spent 7 months trying for her, and when I could do it, she was depressed and pulling away. She's gotten more and more withdrawn. I feel like this is almost a second loss. Now I've lost my best friend, too. :( She won't give me anything but the vaguest reasons for her depression.

Now, I've completed my general education in college. I'm about to go to a four year school. I had at one point pursued Navy ROTC, but to no avail (a whole diff story). Now I have a likely shot at Army ROTC. I've chosen a school 3 hours away. I want to restart my life, I feel like I've lost it all and there's nothing here for me. That and... I'm running away. I realize that no matter how "okay" I get, I'll never fully accept what happened between us. I'll always feel something for her and I'll be disappointed and hurt- I think.

I can't handle it, and going away is my ticket out. Yes, I want to do Army ROTC and go to that school, but the biggest reason for going so far is N.

Thoughts? Am I doing the right thing? Is it wrong to leave her when she's like this?

I mean, I'm at a point where I'm just a spectator watching our relationship (not romantic, obvi) die. I'm emotionally spent on this girl. It's sad, and I hate that we're losing each other, but I can't... muster any more effort. I'm just exhausted, if you understand.

Like I said, any input is welcome. I'm reviewing my life this past year and going foward and I would appreciate any perspective on any of it.

Opinions, advice, whatever you've got.

Time to move on and put yourself first.
Whatever her problems are,she must solve them on her own.


Go and do your own thing.

Yea man, don't waist your time trying to help someone that doesn't even want to share anything with you. You have a bright future ahead of you and you don't need that drama in your life. Go and better your life and find a way to make yourself happy, its easier said then done but you can do. Good luck bro!

Tough one, sorry man. She seems to have serious problems with being together, doesn't sound like she wants a relationship anymore and that she is trying to protect your feelings. Perhaps she got afraid because of how much she realized you loved her and that she may not have felt it to the same degree. Its possible that she broke up with you simply to make the pain less sevear later. I am not sure of her reasons but I really do not think that she wants to be with you anymore. Going to the ROTC is not a bad idea, it'll help build your character and make you a better person throughout your life to come. I suggest taking this oppurtunity to take a closer look at your life and get a real understanding of what you want out of life ultimately (not at the moment or in the heat of the moment) Again I am sorry this has happened to you as it sounds like you love her to no extent, but it is time to move on. Heal up and good luck brother. I hope all goes well for you and your future.

I think she saw, before you did, that life would change after this last year of high school, and even though she broke the official g/f b/f, stuff, you still basically, carried on for months later. If you had accepted it, as she did, and seen what she saw, you would have enjoyed it, knowing it was going to end any way. Your focus wasn't on the fun, but with getting that title back.

I imagine that had to be emotionally exhausting, but in the back of your mind you knew this was going to happen. She did, and you could tell she knew, but of course you were distracted by your own wants, to see why she was depressed. Life tends to do that when you know change is coming, but you don't want it too.

At least now you can look forward, and not back, and take this time to recover from what had to be a very tough time toward the end. In the future you will look deeper than your own immediate wants, and see a bigger picture, and have a better understanding of how you should conduct yourself, as you will play back those last few months, after the initial break up, and realize you were chasing something that you already had, but couldn't just enjoy it. So you suffered through it. That's the lesson to learn, appreciate what you have, while you have it. And don't ruin it with what you think you want.

And NO, I don't think your over this, as much as you would like to be, I think your healing has yet to start. Reality just hasn't kicked in, but it will, and you will do what we all have had to, cope with your feelings and move on.

Good luck with your future, it looks bright.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

And NO, I don't think your over this, as much as you would like to be, I think your healing has yet to start. Reality just hasn't kicked in, but it will, and you will do what we all have had to, cope with your feelings and move on.

Good luck with your future, it looks bright.

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Thank you.

And yes, I think there is definitely a degree of truth to that. I'm not pursuing her anymore, and I don't feel that urgent, desperate sadness any longer.

But, I agree that there is still a lot to be dealt with. I am over her as in I don't want her back, I'm done trying, crying, etc. However, there's still a quiet feeling of loss. I've spent nearly 3 years with this girl, and we've experienced a whole spectrum of love together. I need to learn to really accept all of it from beginning to end.


Thank you all very much, I valued the comments.

These feelings are normal and will pass.
It takes time but we all get there.

Good luck.