I apologize, Help Desk. I need you.
I couldn't remember my username/password so I made a new account.
Let me start from the beginning. I found out about AMHD in September, when my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. I was just initiating NC and he contacted me, so I asked you all what you think and you told me not to answer him.
I did.
Long story short, he was the guy I left everything for. After we met, I divorced, quit my job, threw away my furniture and came back to my parents' house (after living alone for 10 years, at 28... not great, I know) and a week after I moved to my childhood room he left me. He started to date right away, leaving me in pain.
After I wrote here, he came back with promises, said he will buy a house so we can live together, and pay for my plane ticket to go see him and meet his family overseas. Which he did, I stayed with him and his family for months, before we moved to "our" new house and I came back here to save more money and pack.
Seeing me rot in my bed for 3 weeks since I came back, my parents decided to "invest in me" and make a loan to send me there with the money I need. I asked him 10 times if he was sure of what we're doing, he said he is. He even talked about getting married and "maybe even having kids one day"...
I was already struggling building the trust I lost last summer and I have to admit I became really needy and jealous recently. So last night, he told me he is sorry for all my trouble (oh yay, sorry) but he doesn't want to be with me.
You will say "we told you so" and you're right. You did. So now I have 2 choices to end this pain : kill myself, or NC.
I don't have the courage to do the first one, so I sent him a message last night after "the talk" saying I'm sorry but I have to block/delete him and throw away everything to heal. Which I did right away.
I still don't have the courage to tell my parents and (don't hate me for this) I'm hoping somewhere deep inside, that he will change his mind again and take me back. I can't stop myself from hoping we will get back together, which is the initial purpose of NC right now, hopefully it will change one day.
Any comments/suggestions will be read at least 10 times. Please help...