Ask Me Help Desk - The life of a Musician

I asked a similar question on this subject, but I want to try and phrase it better.

Can anyone here describe the life of a professional musician?

• How often do they have to tour? And can they decide how often they tour?
• How do they maintain successful marriages and families?
• Are the wives of musicians doomed to raise the kids alone while the husband is out touring?
• On that note, do people with other professions like being a trucker struggle with the same things?
• Is the only way to make it work is to find a woman who doesn't mind you being gone all the time? Or is there a better way?

If anyone who knows the life of professional musicians can give me insight on these questions, or any other information that would be valuable, I would MUCH appreciate it.

Thank you!

How can we describe the life of a professional musician. They are all different with different needs and priorities. How can we describe the life of a trucker, they are all different, different backgrounds, different lifestyles.

You are asking the impossible, Green Elephant. Put your lifestyle, your priorities, your personality in that situation. Or go the screen directly to the right of you, where members have asked similar questions regarding musicians. You may get some insight there.

No wonder you didn't get any answers last time.

Ms tick

Can anyone here describe the life of a professional musician?

• How often do they have to tour? And can they decide how often they tour?

Some are on the road 50 weeks out of the year, others do a lot in their regional area more. Many professional musician also work a 2nd job and travel to perform on the weekends

• How do they maintain successful marriages and families?

Many don't but then almost 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce anyway of just everyone.

• Are the wives of musicians doomed to raise the kids alone while the husband is out touring?
You are assuming the musician is a man?? Why, many if not maybe more are women

Some will also take the kids and home school them on tour with them.

• On that note, do people with other professions like being a trucker struggle with the same things?
Truckers may well be away more and not have the options of having family with them

• Is the only way to make it work is to find a woman who doesn't mind you being gone all the time? Or is there a better way? Why does the women not travel with them ? But yes, if the women really worries about them on the road, often it wlll not work

If anyone who knows the life of professional musicians can give me insight on these questions, or any other information that would be valuable, I would MUCH appreciate it.

Hi, Green Elephant!

What kind of professional musician is it that you're asking about, please? For instance, those that play professionally locally and sometimes travel to places a number of hours away? Or, those that, in order to make their living doing it, need to be on the road a lot.

I am a professional musician who plays a number of different instruments as well as being a professional singer. I've also played professionally with numerous types of music groups.

Thanks!

I'm the drummer of a band, and I'm worried that one day I will have to decide between my passion of music, or having a wife and family.

The goal is to be able to make a living off the music we write, and tour as often as we have to.

I realize after reading the responses that this is rather a useless question. I see now that no one can really answer this, and it's something I'll have to be patient with and hope for the best.

Thank you for trying though, I do appreciate it.

It's a balancing act and a matter of making choices, Green Elephant.

Having an intimate relationship takes time, effort, commitment and devotion for it to be maintained.

I've been divorced for a long time. I choose now not to have an intimate relationship because of the work that I do musically and otherwise. My need and desire to do the best at what I do for a living, is part of the reason that my marriage lead to a divorce.

The choices made are up to the individual person. Will I have an intimate relationship in the future? That also, is a matter of choice.

Thanks!

Your jumping the gun here, it's a long way to the top. It's touring while your still unknown is what's hard. More than half the time the band members end up hating each other, band breaks up and that's that.

Being a trucker is similar with the time away and the drug use, but they get paid a lot more and drive the trucks alone. You'll be paid chump change at bars on the weekend, far away from home, drunk, with women all around you. Not too many girlfriends would be okay with that.

But, if you were on the cover of ModernDrummer, I'm quite certain you wouldn't have trouble finding a wife.

Whether you make it or not, it's one hell of an experience; you'll always have a fun weekend, make a lot of connections, meet a ton of people, learn a lot, and always have a good story to tell after it's all said and done. Definitely do it.

I've felt much better about my current situation, so thank you all very much. I appreciate it much!

I have to learn to be more patient, and I appreciate the challenge.

Thank you all again.

Yes, my wife is finally starting to "make" money ( yeaa, she sold some of her songs this week)

But most of her early tours, were not even break even, Normally we lost money after gas, car costs, motels. Just those costs often cost more than what we made. So after a 2 or 3 week tour, we were often lucky not to be 100 or so dollars in the hole.

So many starting groups, have to work other jobs to live while they work hard to build up reps, get a fan base and so on

Quote:

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

Your jumping the gun here, it's a long way to the top. It's touring while your still unknown is what's hard. More than half the time the band members end up hating each other, band breaks up and that's that.

Being a trucker is similar with the time away and the drug use, but they get paid a lot more and drive the trucks alone. You'll be paid chump change at bars on the weekend, far away from home, drunk, with women all around you. Not too many girlfriends would be okay with that.

But, if you were on the cover of ModernDrummer, I'm quite certain you wouldn't have trouble finding a wife.

Whether you make it or not, it's one hell of an experience; you'll always have a fun weekend, make a lot of connections, meet a ton of people, learn a lot, and always have a good story to tell after it's all said and done. Definitely do it.

Do you speak from experience, slapshot_oi?

Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

Do you speak from experience, slapshot_oi?

Thanks!

A little.

I've been playing a drumkit since I was 11 and a guitar since I was 13 and I'm 24 now. I started playing all-ages punk shows when I was 15 and was doing a show at least twice a month until I went to college. Since I graduated a year ago I started playing out again, but this time at bars that pay.

I don't know what it means to be a pro because, obviously, I've never made it all the way to the top, but what I do know is how much fun traveling to shows and playing them are and what you get out of it. I'm playing out tomorrow and that's all I can think about.

And also, every band I was in, there was a clashing of egos--I'm guilty for two instances of a possible ten that I can think of--and the band split up. From what I know, that's truly the hardest part about playing rock 'n roll, is learning to work together.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Green Elephant

Hello.

Music is my passion. I've been in a band for 7 years now. I'm 22 years old and I'm going to school for Graphic Design right now.

To the point....The band I'm playing with right now has many opportunities to become quite successful, and the future looks promising. But with these promising outlooks on the future, comes problems with my girlfriend.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, and we could not be happier together. The problem is that she wants to know that if I make a living off from music, I won't have to be gone more than a few months out of the year to tour, or be away from her for any other reason.

We had a serious talk the other day, and I have to make it clear, that she is 100% supportive of me. She just made it clear that she doesn't want a husband who won't be there to raise the kids with her. And of course...I can't blame her.

I was wondering if anyone here would be willing to offer me some advice, because I've felt a lot of hurt and anxiety since we talked about it.

Some of the things I'm worrying about are: Am I supposed to give up my passion so I don't lose her? Am I supposed to not make any decisions until I find out whether I have to often or not? Does anyone here know how successful musicians manage their families? Because I know most of the famous musicians I know of have successful marriages as well.

If anyone has any advice whatsoever, it would be MUCH appreciated. My girlfriend means the world to me, and I feel like I'm supposed to pursue my passion as well.

Thank you.

I just saw this thread, I thought you were speaking generally, I didn't know you were already in a relationship.

Here's an example: my singer who's 24, has been in a committed relationship to the same woman for seven years. They have a 4-year-old, so too be five, daughter together and they are a solid couple engaged to be married. He has made it clear to me that he will not leave his fiancée and baby for music, they either join us on the road, or he leaves the band. Considering he's the front man, if he quits the band is over, we'd have to reinvent our image which is too hard to do.

Bear in mind that, me and him have been best friends for 16 years and we've always talked about being rockstars together. So, he's dead serious about music, but he has his priorities laid out, that's what you got to do.

But like I said, you got a long way to go so cross that bridge once you get to it. You're discussing non-issues with your girlfriend, you're not even close to touring yet, so you're getting anxious over nothing. Next time she brings it up or you bring it up, stop. Just dig the music and have fun.

The last thing you want is your girlfriend to become a Yoko, because then you'll get caught in the middle.

Wow, I've gotten a lot to think about these past few days, and a ton of insight. Thank you all very much for taking the time

Paul McCartney said he and Linda never spent a night apart... give your wife a tambourine and take her on tour with you! ; )