My sons father did not believe that my son was his when I got pregnant so we go a paternity test done which showed him that he was in fact the father. Well, he is so worked up that the test was positive that he says that he will get me back and I feel that he is so mad that he will try to do something to hurt me in my most sensitive part, my son, and I'm afraid that he's going to try to get custody or something. What rights does he have as a father? Please help!

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Originally Posted by jichavez

My sons father did not believe that my son was his when i got pregnant so we go a paternity test done which showed him that he was in fact the father. Well, he is so worked up that the test was positive that he says that he will get me back and i feel that he is so mad that he will try to do something to hurt me in my most sensitive part, my son, and i'm afraid that he's going to try to get custody or something. What rights does he have as a father? Please help!

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I assume that he didn't sign a paternity acknowledgment because he doubted the child was his, which means that he is not listed on the birth certificate... is that correct?

Technically, he has rights but needs to be established as the legal father through the courts before he can exercise them. The DNA test which you had done will not be admissible in court so he can either a)sign the acknowledgment or b)pay for a DNA test through the court.

Odds on him receiving primary physical custody of the child are slim, assuming that you have no criminal record and are not a danger to the child. Most likely, the court would grant joint legal custody and allow him visitation, and also order him to pay you child support. Can I ask where you are located?

No he is not listed on the birth certificate. The reason why I am worried is because he doesn't want nothing to do with his son but he only wants to do this just to get back at me, he acts like if I forced him to sleep with me. We did do the DNA test through the court because I had asked for child support and he requested the test be done. I live in Spartanburg, SC but no I don't have no criminal record and I take care of my son very well. Would the judge believe me if I claimed that my sons father is only doing this to get payback not because he has any interest in his son?

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Originally Posted by jichavez

no he is not listed on the birth certificate. the reason why i am worried is because he doesnt want nothing to do with his son but he only wants to do this just to get back at me, he acts like if i forced him to sleep with me. we did do the DNA test through the court because i had asked for child support and he requested the test be done. I live in Spartanburg, SC but no i dont have no criminal record and i take care of my son very well. would the judge believe me if i claimed that my sons father is only doing this to get payback not because he has any interest in his son?

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Judges hear that story all the time. How old is your child? How long has the father been uninvolved? Does the father have any sort of criminal record?

My son is 7 yrs. Old and his father has never been there. He comes around every year or year and a half and acts all remorseful and every time I give in and let him see his son. My son gets his hopes up each time that maybe this time his dad will really stick around and then after 2 months. His dad will leave and my son becomes very sad and I feel this is going to affect him emotionally when he grows up. It might make him feel that he ain't good enough to love or for someone to stick around with him for too long. That's why I want to know what rights this sperm donor has to MY son.

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Originally Posted by jichavez

my son is 7 yrs. old and his father has never been there. He comes around every year or year and a half and acts all remorseful and every time i give in and let him see his son. my son gets his hopes up each time that maybe this time his dad will really stick around and then after 2 mos. his dad will leave and my son becomes very sad and i feel this is going to affect him emotionally when he grows up. it might make him feel that he ain't good enough to love or for someone to stick around with him for too long. thats why i want to know what rights this sperm donor has to MY son.

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If the child is already seven years old and you have been the primary caregiver for most, if not all, of his life, you really don't have anything to worry about. A judge will not find it in the child's best interest to remove him from his familiar surroundings without proper grounds; if the child is not being abused or neglected in any way(emotionally, physically, educationally, etc.), there is no grounds for a change.

Thank you so much. I feel very relieved.

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Originally Posted by jichavez

my son is 7 yrs. old and his father has never been there. He comes around every year or year and a half and acts all remorseful and every time i give in and let him see his son. my son gets his hopes up each time that maybe this time his dad will really stick around and then after 2 mos. his dad will leave and my son becomes very sad and i feel this is going to affect him emotionally when he grows up. it might make him feel that he ain't good enough to love or for someone to stick around with him for too long. thats why i want to know what rights this sperm donor has to MY son.

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In all likely hood be prepared if challenged to give up the child to the father for full custody. Sounds weird huh? When you start throwing around the term sperm donor it tends to look so dim in courts that its an abusive term of name calling. You chose the man to be the father of the child. So stop with the sperm donor stuff. Or should we start calling you the egg donor? When you cheapen life by disrespecting it then the desire to allow you from the courts stand point to continue on that path causes change.

Always keep the child's best interest at hand. That is exactly where the courts will be looking.

I agree with both This8383 and Califdad. If you have been providing for the child all this time, it is unlikely he would gain custody. However, you will not endear yourself to the court by using terms like sperm donor. You CHOSE to have sex with him.

Yes I know this was a poor choice of words. Its just that he doesn't really have the right to be called a father, does he? I'll be with my son at the store and I'll see his father and you know what he does. He looks at us and just turns the other way he can't even say hello to his son, he ignores him as if he is less than nothing. But you'll are right I chose to lay with this man so I have to deal with it. Thanks to everyne for your help. I appreciate it.

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Originally Posted by jichavez

yes i know this was a poor choice of words. its just that he doesnt really have the right to be called a father, does he? i'll be with my son at the store and i'll see his father and you know what he does. he looks at us and just turns the other way he can't even say hello to his son, he ignores him as if he is less than nothing. but you'll are right i chose to lay with this man so i have to deal with it. thanks to everyne for ur help. i appreciate it.

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The definition of a father is one who's sperm was used to conceive a child. There are other definitions that are mostly as clinical. But I understand where you are coming from. One can also define a father as the male who helps raise a child. By THAT definition, your son's male parent has fallen down on the job. The problem you have is that definition is not what a court goes by.

But again, given the history you have related. He will not get custody. The most he can get is visitation.

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Originally Posted by jichavez

yes i know this was a poor choice of words. its just that he doesnt really have the right to be called a father, does he? i'll be with my son at the store and i'll see his father and you know what he does. he looks at us and just turns the other way he can't even say hello to his son, he ignores him as if he is less than nothing. but you'll are right i chose to lay with this man so i have to deal with it. thanks to everyne for ur help. i appreciate it.

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I refer to people like that by saying that even though they're a father, they are not a dad.

And as Scott and the rest of us have said, odds are slim to none that he'll get custody. Honestly, I think he's just threatening you in an attempt to scare you into not asking for child support. If he hasn't made the effort to be in his child's life on a consistent basis, he certainly doesn't want the responsibility that comes with primary physical custody.

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Originally Posted by jichavez

yes i know this was a poor choice of words. its just that he doesnt really have the right to be called a father, does he? i'll be with my son at the store and i'll see his father and you know what he does. he looks at us and just turns the other way he can't even say hello to his son, he ignores him as if he is less than nothing. but you'll are right i chose to lay with this man so i have to deal with it. thanks to everyne for ur help. i appreciate it.

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You see something totally wrong with the situation you just described. I see something positive. The reason is because your both in conflict right now. And should he just walk up while your out somewhere he could be accused of something. Sounds crazy right? Nope I had that happen to me. I was accused of "stalking" because I walked over and said hi and hugged my kids. Of course it was proven that I wasn't stalking and that the charges were false. But I still had the hassle of defending my actions in court and proving myself. So when you say he avoided the situation. It wouldn't surprise me at all.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

You see something totally wrong with the situation you just described. I see something positive. The reason is because your both in conflict right now. And should he just walk up while your out somewhere he could be accused of something. Sounds crazy right? Nope I had that happen to me. I was accused of "stalking" because I walked over and said hi and hugged my kids. Of course it was proven that I wasnt stalking and that the charges were false. But I still had the hassle of defending my actions in court and proving myself. So when you say he avoided the situation. It wouldnt surprize me at all.

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Sounds like my husband's exwife. She wouldn't give him practice or game schedules for the kids, or would tell him he could come over to visit and then leave the house; then she turned around and had the audacity to file a written complaint with the court that he "didn't come see the kids." She did a pretty good job of making everyone think he was a deadbeat dad, didn't want to see his kids, didn't pay child support - people are finally starting to see through it and it took 5 years for that to happen.