Me and my boyfriend have been together a few months over a year now and we've been up and down for a while, we'll have huge arguments, when I finally get through to him and make him realise how he's made me feel... he'll feel bad and tell me he wants to change and make me happy.. but this is a regular thing now, I tell him maybe we're better off without each other and he makes it clear that's not what he wants, but at the same time he won't do what he says when he says he wants to change :( I'm in love with him so badly, I've never felt the way I do about him for anyone else, but it all hurts so much and I don't know what to do anymore.. Help! Any advice will be appreciated (:

How old are both of you? Part of a relationship is accepting the other for who they are. Why does he have to change? Are you also making changes? And, just because he wants to keep the relationship going doesn't mean you have to. You can leave whether he wants you to. You have a choice.

"If it don't fit, don't force it."

What is it about him that you love so much as to put up with all of the bad?

Does the good outweigh the bad? If so, then try to work with him on getting over it.

If his actions don't match his words, what's the point of holding on to him?

(reply to justcurious55) Sorry about that, I didn't realise that I only had so many characters in the comments on the posts. What I meant to send was.. we're both in our earliy twenties. See that's the thing, it's only been recently that we've been so up and down, things were perfect a few months ago but it seems like he's either lost interest or become lazy with our relationship. He says he loves me just as much as he ever has and hasn't lost one bit of interest in me so the conclusion I came to myself was that he's just become lazy and careless about what he says and does. It's not that I want him to change, I failed to say that I want him to change back to how he was becuas everything was perfect a few months ago, it's only been recently that things have been so up and down and all I want is for him to be how he was with me before, I accepted him exactly how he was for 10 months, and having him just change on me is hard to accept, especially when I'm getting so hurt. I know that I can leave whether he wants me to or not, even though I tell him that I think maybe we'd be better off without each other I don't know if I could actually follow through with it, it hurts so much thinking about living without him, but living with him is so tough right now, I'm so down a lot of the time. I'm just stuck in this place where I can't live with him or without him because living with him hurts but so would living without him.

(reply to jmjoseph) Yeah, that is what I keep telling myself.. that maybe it's just not going to work and I should stop trying to make it. But I love him an awful lot. What I love so much as to put up with the bad, is how caring he can be, how comforting, how loving and how overall amazing he can be but hense "can''... this isn't the guy I always have, he can be completely the opposite sometimes. And I think that's why I'm sticking with him, because the good and bad are balanced, so I'm stuck not knowing whether it's worth fighting for, or whether I should call it quits

What exactly has changed? How has he become lazy?

Making sure he didn't hurt me and that I was happy used to be his like number one priority but lately he says stuff and does stuff which prove that he hasn't stopped to consider my feelings, and I ask myself if he cares about me so much why's he doing and saying this? He used to be rediculasly romantic, doing things on the odd occasion to surprise me just to make me smile, but this doesn't happen anymore. A reason why the thoguht that he'd lost interest crossed my mind, was that he used to always be kissing me and hugging me but it's not so much now, there's many times during the day where his body language is making it look like he's not that interested.

Well, it takes two to keep the romance alive. My boyfriend used to go out of his way to surprise me way more than he does now. But guess what. I used to go out of my way a lot more too. Now it takes more of an effort. Going out to eat together used to be a special occasion. Now its common, every other day. Maybe you should plan something special to remind him what it was like.

If partners are unwilling to make the right adjustments over time, to keep things going forward, the relationships usually fail, because nothing ever stays the same.

So where is the honest communications, and the willingness to work together, that's so necessary to resolve your issues?

He seems so willing, and he always shows efforts that he wants to do what he can to make sure we stay happy, but he slips up over and over. It doesn't seem to be about our willingness, because we're both more than willing to do what we can to resolve our issues, but it's the fact that he actually can't keep it up, we can't seem to go a whole week without him accidentally hurting me by saying somehting he didn't mean, and I'm quite an emotional person, he knows I take evertyhign to heart so bad and yet he can't think before he speaks. And of course, I've spoke to him about this issue and always he's telling me he'll work on it and he shows instant change but for no more than a few days,

I'm curious, what specifically is he doing? What does he slip up on? Generally, if people are truly making a genuine effort, it goes a long way. It doesn't sound like his efforts are getting him very far.

He'll say something that he knows I'll find upsetting, he'll do stuff that he knows annoys me, he'll be perfect, showing that he's really making an effort and the next thing I know he's doing or saying something to annoy me purely for his own entertainment. He's pretty immature at times. We have disagreements a lot and he'll be so unreasonable and the least understanding person ever.
Like now.. he's telling me he's going to make an effort, but wants rewarding for it if he's willing to do it..
Which correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's wrong that he wants rewarding when all I want is for him to not be a bad person to me? I said that I'm not asking any more from him than he's ever given me or can give, I'm just asking for him to think about me and my feelings, and if knowing that I'm happy isn't enough of a reward for him then back I am again in this place where I just don't know what to say and do.

You've been together for a year and a bit,and the honeymoon phase is over.

That's when the' on one's best behaviour' may turn into: 'This is who I am'.

It's also the time when truly compatible couples grow together and forge a stronger bond.

It seems to me that you and your boyfriend aren't very compatible.
You want him to be somebody he is not.

Plus,you don't communicate with each other,you argue,with no positive results.

You can't change another person,and though he says he is willing to change,his actions tell a different story.

I have to agree with Amicon. Seems like he isn't who you want him to be, so you work continually at trying to make him into your "perfect" man.

Can you provide some info on what exactly he saiys to you that is so bad? I can't quite figure out if you are "over-the-top" senistive or if he is verbally abusive.

When I said earlier that he's sometimes immature and does stuff he knows I won't like to entertain himself..
A few says ago he thought it'd be funny to pretend to be in a mood with me.. then pretend I'd said something that a friend had said to him before he died.. all to get me worried and feeling bad for him to go.. juuust kiddiiing..
But he didn't consider how it'd make me feel at all because I lost my best friend a few years ago. And he knew this of course, but instead of thinking about what he was doing he was too busy trying to be funny.
Not long ago he accused me of having sex with the guy I was with before him, when in fact I lost my virginity to him, and I told him that and he said how it meant everything to him that we'd both shared our first time together, for him to think that I'd lie, it hurt loads.
It's just things like this, I really can be over-the-top sensative but sometimes there really is no need at all for what he says.
He has no reason to give to not trust me.

Do you have a reason to be so sensitive? Just as he must control his impulses, don't you have to do the same thing as you expect from him? Can't you brush aside his comments that hurt, if you expect him to stop saying hurtful things?

Or are you saying its all him, and never you? You have written and not conclusively of his shortcomings, but I wonder what he would say of yours?