I'm 16 and when I sleep day dream I feel as if I'm looking over my body, life is boring I thought God was real and some stories get to me but I just don't see life being fun, I go out I party and my so call " life " to people today is good but inside beneath me I'm basically broken down I just want to collapse, my family issues don't get better therapists don't help because they can't get on my level and see me eye to eye since none of them know what I'm going through. I try to do good in school again but I fall short I try to make a career later in life but I never can follow through. Life seems fake to me I feel I'm just going to die and become a new person again but never remember the past. My relationship life is stupid nobody can ever relate to me sex isn't really sex when its done for no reason and no love. My life is a wreck, I feel my mind is in outer space and my body is trapped on earth, I would have liked to drop acid get high and die but I get held bck, as I type I look out the window just thinking if I should jump. Things aren't interesting to me and all I can do to lift my spirit up is think of a fantasy of a dreamworld where everything is different then I crash land to reality. What things could I do to change my life and make it better. Most things that happen to me are bad then I do something I think is good but it just makes the crack bigger. Hopeless I always feel. My mind is full of catastrophe and so much stress and pain. Things keep popping and bouncing in my head over and over. I don't know what to do this world is so horrible I don't understand it what people think so much harm how can people do what they do and live with themselves. I hate this place no peace no hope the only thing I see on the streets of ny I live at are violence drugs and just one big down fall I remember times when people would help the needy the homeless now I see them beat spite and hurt them for there sick pleasure. I want out this world but I don't know if its best yet I do think it is. Thanks for reading.

It takes a lot of guts to carry on in this world, my friend. Only a coward will leave it through taking their own life. Pull yourself up, stand proud and get some hope back into your world by staying alive and getting through another day, and another until you can look back and be proud that you did it on your own terms.

Good luck and we are here for you.

Tick

Hi, PoeTryTheOne!

I do hope that you return to here! I've felt like you are feeling, many times!

Thanks!

Hi again, PoeTryTheOne!

If you would like to, I do have some activities to do with people on this site that might help you to feel better about yourself.

If you're interested in knowing what they are, please let me know on this thread.

Thanks!

Choices.

How much longer do you want to stay in this chaos?

I lived in this same state of mind for more than 25 years, self medicating,always seeking an outlet which didn't exist through all the methods I tried, and I tried them all.

Until I made a conscious decision to accept me for me,to seek the help I needed,to open up to those that were there to help me(professionals),I stayed in the funk.

I was young(now that I can look back with some clarity) when things started to become chaotic.I 'acted out' according to the 'authorities' and adults in my life, Dad would say,"Aww,he's just being a boy".

Little did any of us know the real depths of the depression.

You write in here with apathy,self loathing,despair,you try to seem like you don't have feelings,, I say you have more there than you understand, you are a very emotional person,, and just like me,you aren't always 'in touch' with them all the time.

The more I tried,the worse it seemed to get.Just when I think life is finally dealing me a good hand,it throws a curve at me and the entire house of cards I so carefully built, comes crumbling down, taking me with it.

This happened for all the years till I made a decision to put a stop to the pattern.

Now it's your time.Do you continue to allow life to throw these curves at you,causing the crashes,or do you take the reigns and guide your life(with help from others) and make a productive effort to stop the hurting?

I've heard people talk about suicide many many times. And the one thing that I've always saidd to those people is "Life is tough, and there isn't any easy way to anything. You aRE GONNA bear alot of pain in life, but if you have anyone important to you in your life what-so-ever then stay. Cause your friends almost always end up in bad situations. you May hate you and your life completely. But there is always someone out there worth staying for"