Hi everyone


I have been wondering about my boyfriend and drinking. I know that no one can say for sure if he is an alcoholic, but I thought maybe someone may have more insight that myself.

He is fiftty and now has his second dui in 7 years this time he refused the breatherlizer but was speeding and failed the sobriety tests.

He is 6'4 and 240 pounds thefore he can hold his liquor, well to an extent. He can drink a regular sized bottle of wine in a night, by himself in a night. I hve seen him do that a few times. He gets an attitude but kind of a macho attitude. Not like he is going to punch someone in the face kind of thing but that puff out the chest type of thing.

He doesn't fit, hit, or threaten violence in any way. He gets up and goes to work every day.

He says he only drinks when he has to work the next day as it helps him to sleep. He also recently told me that he was at a party where he didn't drink and that someone said to him "you are more fun when you have been drinking".

We do have conversations on the phone where he will forget a few things, but to be fair he is up early and does have a very physical job so he is tired a lot. But there could be more to that than I reaize.

I have asked him about it before, his drinking, and he always tells me it takes a lot to get him drunk. I have expressed concern but he always tells me it's not bad. There are times he says "but I am at home and not running the streets, so I'm being safe."

When he has gone out to the local eatery with some friends, there were times he had a few drinks and then drove home. I told him I didn't like that , but he tends to comment how the eatery is like only a mile away... to me that makes no difference.

'He does have a very noticeable slur and gets slap happy... but then so do I. There have been times where he has talked to me and he will forget part of the conversation, but attributes that to being tired. He is always tired.

He is up by 5 am usually, runs all day, (I know he is a very hard worker-stocking and all that) comes home by 5:30 and usually will take a nap and then will be back in bed for the night by ten or eleven.

Do any of these things indicate to you that he has a SERIOUS problem with alcohol or just someone who has shown bad judgement.

Any insight would be appreciated

I read your post and gave it some thought before I answered. He has two DUI and unfortunately probably didn't mean zero tolerance whatever state you are in, refusing breathalizer test, speeding, whatever. This doesn't sound good. I don't really care about him being able to 'hold his liquor', are you and he proud of that? It sounds like you do like him that way. It doesn't sound like he has much disclipine.

Drinking to help him sleep. No one should have to do that to sleep, so yes, he probably does have an alcohol problem. Does he drink as soon as he gets up in the morning, to 'get him going?'

He as 2 DUIs and he is lucky he didn't kill someone driving while under the influence. If he lived in Ontario, he would be off the roads in a heart beat.

Yes, he does have a drinking problem, so enrol him in AAA, but first you have to get him there before he gets another DUI; before he has an accident, maining him, or someone else, or before you don't have him anymore.

Tick

No I don't like him that way. I was just stating my observations and stating things he has told me.

He is from Texas and they do have a zero tolerance law. I always told him that he needed to look at what he was doing because things can happen, bad things. I would HATE for anything bad to happen to him or anyone else.

I personally haven't seen him drink first thing in the morning and have seen him go several days without drinking.

I think one DUI is one DUI too many and have told him that before.

I have talked to him about his drinking before and he has always brushed it off as if everything was fine.

I used to work every day 12 hour days, started the day with a "screwdriver" for breakfeast and helped it along with a couple beers at lunch, followed by a fifth of something most evenings.

I was a great worker, in fact when I became sober there was a standing joke I was a much better boss drunk than I ever was sober. Never missed a day and so on.

Being a drunk does not mean you are man and hit people, most of the drunks I know are more lovers or talkers than anything when drunk,

The fact is, can he stop, if he can just not drink for a week, then he is in control, if he can not stop or needs it to "sleep" then it controls him

And of course he is fine with it, since he is happy being a drunk, most of them are, and it is always someone else's fault.

The fact he is drinking and driving makes it worst, it shows he is a stupid drunk.

I agree, he was stupid when he got behind that wheel. It angers me that he would ever take that chance. I have seen him go 5 days without a drink and does fall asleep but when he works he tells me that he drinks to unwind or because it helps him to sleep.

The fact that he can drink a regular bottle of wine by himself in a night makes me worry for him.

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Originally Posted by JustLaw

tells me that he drinks to unwind or because it helps him to sleep.

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That's called an excuse. All alcoholics have them. They have to create reasons it's "okay" for them to drink.

Does it seem as if he is leaning more towards alcoholism or just some really bad judgement in regards to alcohol?

Alcohol if anything will not help you sleep as it dehydrates the body of water. It's just his excuse to get bombed before he passes out. Sounds like he has a drinking problem to me and I was married to a drunk.

He is a functioning alcoholic. Please go to Al-Anon meetings to learn how to cope with this. No one can make him go to AA, but it would be a good thing if he did.

I was always surprised he said alcohol helped him sleep. Alcohol makes me hyper, not tired.

Sorry Twinkie

Wondergirl

A functioning alcoholic, I have to read about that one. He generally is quick tempered but I don't know if that has anything to do with him as a person or related to alcohol.

Does he drink every day? When was the last time that he had a good time while NOT drinking?

I'm an alcoholic, yet in recovery, and know that it's a tough question that you're asking. For you to come here with this issue, alcohol must have caused some problems, beside the DUI s. THEY are reason enough for intervention. I don't care what size he is, he shouldn't drive while intoxicated.

I don't know this guy at all. But I do know the "game". I know that no matter how much you try to help him, he will tell you how "hard he works", and how he can stop whenever" he wants. The truth of the matter is that he's not going to even THINK about quitting until something major happens. We all have our own "bottoms". Like an elevator, alcoholism stops at different levels.

So, is he an alcoholic? I don't know for sure, but it sure does sound like he's on the path.

Tell him how you feel. Over lunch.

If he does try to stop drinking, he should do it under medical supervision. He could die while trying it at home.

God bless you for having such a good heart.

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Originally Posted by JustLaw

I was always surprised he said alcohol helped him sleep. Alcohol makes me hyper, not tired.

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Small amounts of alcohol have a relaxing and euphoric effect so a person feels confident, more social and jovial. Alcohol is a depressant (not a stimulant) and enough of it will cause you to fall asleep, but the quality of the sleep tends to be poor.

jmjoseph

I don't know if he drinks every day. I live out of state unfortunately. I do know he tells me he drinks when he has to work the next day because it helps him to sleep. He says he doesn't drink on his off days. That's what he says at least.

I know when he gets upset he will drink. I agree no matter what, he should NOT drink and drive period. He told me about his first dui willingly. I told him I did NOT like that at all and what I thought of drunk drivers.

We broke up for a while and are just now finding our way back to one another. I know about the second dui but he doesn't know that I know about everything. I wanted him to tell me, but he hasn't. I even flat our asked him if he was in any kind of legal trouble (to give him an in to speak up about it) but he said no, everything is fine.

I did find out that with his second dui he told the police he was just tired... and nervous.

There was a nystaglas (not sure if I am citing the right name) and he failed. He had to do thewalk and turn and they had to tell him several times what to do and to start over. He also had to stand on one leg and apparently he put it down seven times during the test.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Small amounts of alcohol have a relaxing and euphoric effect so a person feels confident, more social and jovial. Alcohol is a depressant (not a stimulant) and enough of it will cause you to fall asleep, but the quality of the sleep tends to be poor.

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What concerns me most is how much of it he needs to fall asleep.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Small amounts of alcohol have a relaxing and euphoric effect so a person feels confident, more social and jovial. Alcohol is a depressant (not a stimulant) and enough of it will cause you to fall asleep, but the quality of the sleep tends to be poor.

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Actually come to think of it, he does tend to say that he tosses and turns a lot and is always tired. He will be up for work at 5 am and work a phsyical job till 5:30. He will come home, take a nap and then watch some TV and be back in bed at 10 or 11 for the night. He is always tired.

He is also on high blood pressure medicine.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Small amounts of alcohol have a relaxing and euphoric effect so a person feels confident, more social and jovial. Alcohol is a depressant (not a stimulant) and enough of it will cause you to fall asleep, but the quality of the sleep tends to be poor.

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We were going on vacation several years ago and were caught in a traffic jam. As I set there I noticed a huge sign with photos of four very pretty girls on it. Underneath was the caption, "Our daughters missed prom this year and graduation. They were killed by a drunken driver."'
It was sponsored by MADD. Take your boyfriend and let him tell these mothers and thousands of others, how much fun he is when he's drunk! How can you be so casual about his drinking?
Sorry WG didn't mean to hijack a thread.

Have to spread the love Kity, but my cousin was killed by a drunk driver who was only driving home from the "corner bar."

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Originally Posted by J_9

Have to spread the love Kity, but my cousin was killed by a drunk driver who was only driving home from the "corner bar."

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J-9

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you all must have went through. There is no excuse for drinking and driving... no matter how short the distance... period.

If he's an alcoholic, he's going to lie. He's going to deny. He will bend the truth.

Get used to it, he's sick, not bad.

Are you thinking of a long term relationship with him?

Kit how very sad. I wish I knew more to say. What a tradgedy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

If he's an alcoholic, he's gonna lie. He's gonna deny. He will bend the truth.

Get used to it, he's sick, not bad.

Are you thinking of a long term relationship with him?

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I was but I am seriously scared right now.