After reading a user's problem and the helpful and supportive advices all people gave her.. I could manage to gather my courage to write my problem here in order to get some supportive ways to get over my break up.
I had a relation with a guy for about two years we were initially friends and later ended up falling for each other.it was just few month we shared the intimacy though never had any physical relation with him but can say we were almost about to go for it... but suddenly we lost our terms because of some misunderstanding and problems that were created my our families...
I tired ways to get back in touch many a times but in vain and almost after 2 years I happen to meet him and when I tried to know what had actually went wrong he was so terribly mad at me and said that my family ruined his life and it was my sister who brought this case to light in his family that I and him were in relation he was full of hatred for me and my people.I had no clue of all this till then I always kept wondering what had happened all these years... any how things didn't work out he was of distrust and after some time I had to get married (marriage was an arranged one and it was the only option I had to go for because of my family pressure) and eventually got busy with my life have two sons now... personally I never could accept my marriage by heart it has been like a responsibility to me which I try giving my best to keep it going smooth.
Almost after 8 years I suddenly bumped into my ex and as time passed we got in touch and things got sorted someway... he realized that it wasn't my mistake and he kept blaming me for nothing all these years... our relation once again took the same turn and we ended up getting more and more intimate and this time things went much more further than just relation... he always kept saying he loves me and I always loved him in my past even after my marriage couldn't get over him... now I am pregnant with his child which I told him that I am going to abort because I didn't wish to hold him into any such bonds which mite be a hurdle to him in his future life( as he is not married yet) and we were even having this occasional breakup make up problems with each other... but I couldn't get that done I kept the baby... and its been a month now. Suddenly I come to know now that I have some rh incompatibility with my baby for which I need a blood sample of my ex to confirm that its not same with him and then only I would not be facing any complications with my pregnancy... I was feeling it very awkward to ask him for this... but some how I manged to tell him the first fact that I didn't abort the baby... he was quite happy he said he felt like hugging me and that he feels so complete.. I even apologized to him and said I was scared that he would not understand and mite get mad at me for hiding things... after few weeks I told him about my rh factor and askd him if he could manage to get this small test done and this is where things turned ugly... after knowing this he was like mad at me for everything for hiding that I didn't get the abortion done and that he knowns not about any such rh factors.. I tried keeping calm all these while because the need was mine I needed his cooperation for my baby but even after all my efforts to persuade him he said NO and that I kept things hidden from him and acted all myself so even this time I am free to take my decision and he has nothing to do with it... I was shattered I hated him for the very first time in my life and above all I am hating myself that I was such a fool to have a relation with a guy like him who has no love respect and emotions toward me and his own coming baby... I decided to go for a break up... I had always decided this but never could keep myself from messaging him and making up again I always go weak before my love for him but this time things ave taken very bad shape and though I still love him I want to end up because I hate him even more... I want to keep up to my decision of breaking up and focus more on my family my husband and my kids. I cannot continue with this baby because of the complications so I will have to go for an abortion... I know its sounding so low and disregarding that in spite of being married and having my kids I had such relation... I am going through this guilt for long time now... trying several ways to over come my guilt and depression and in this process I landed up here and saw a user's problem similar to mine and the response all the other users gave her was so positive and supportive that even I hope I will get the same help here... I need help to keep up to my decision of breaking up with him this time [B]*I REQUEST NOT TO POST ANY ILL OR ABUSIVE MESSAGES BECAUSE AM ALREADY SINKING WITH MY OWN GUILT.

What does your husband say about all this?

I haven't told him anything about this... He is already aware of the fact that till date am in this marriage relation just for the sake of being and even then he is his best towards me.. but if I end up saying all this he will never be able to cope from this trauma.

Whoa. Some 8 year fantasy & hookup.

First of all. You have to take some responsibility here.
Who do you care about? You husband, your kids, your boyfriend, or your new baby?

Seems like you've got yourself in a world of sh$$t & by your doing.

What exactly do you want to happen?

Tell her husband first. Did you even think about that as you were conceiving or having that baby?

Husbands like to know these things.

Start taking control of your life. You should seek some pro advice. Therapists that specialize.

Honesty is always the best policy. To you & everyone else.

Huum...
I think you should stop everything with the ex and be honest with your husband.I Suggest you don't wait too much cause it will make things worse and harder to tell.
You need to show your husband some respect by telling him the truth.
Take your responsabilities.

I agree with everyone else. You need to talk to your husband about what is going on and how you feel. If you need help talking to him, you can always make an appt with a marriage counselor. Sometimes its easier with a medium there to help make the words easier to say.

Secrets only grow bigger the longer you keep them a secret.

What are you going to do when he finds out, or even worse gets tired of being married in name only, and wants more?

Talk to your husband before you do anything

Talking to my husband on this issue is not going to help me anyway... coz we both belong to conservative families I am living in a joint family (with my in laws) and my husband I know will not be able to take this alone he is very innocent and immature in such dealings he will anyway go and share things to his people or mine and situation for me will go more than worse...
Anyhow I cannot continue with my pregnancy anymore will be going for a DNC today even doctors suggest me that its not safe to carry a Rh incompatible baby as it may lead to abnormal child...

Your health is #1.
That's your priority.

I hope you start making the right decisions. Responsibility for your actions.

"Such dealings"? Well, that's you. Hiding secrets.
The longer you wait, the worse it will be.

At some point in your life, you have to be honest with yourself & everyone else. Taking control of your life. Taking ownership of your mistakes. That's going to require lots of help.

Seek as much as you can.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

What are you going to do when he finds out, or even worse gets tired of being married in name only, and wants more?

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I always have this thought in my mind but to be honest until now it never bothered me because I was not much keen to keep things going on with him it was just for the sake of our kids and families I was into it. I knew my this kind of behavior might even end in breaking of our marriage.But don't know when why I realized that how many years my husband has been trying to keep up with me happily and now after all that I ended up doing I feel very low... his trust on me was so strong and I broke it.. now I want to work on our relation... its not just to over come my regret am doing this.. off-late I have realized the importance of marriage and how beautiful life can be if we keep going perfectly balanced.Till now he has tried all possible ways to win over me and keep me happy... now its my turn and I have already started with it... trying ways to make him feel that he means me how much...
This way I might not get over my guilt but at least can make things better for my husband and give him the kind of happiness he always wished for in our relation...

The importance of communicating.

All the time.

Are you going to tell him the truth?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Your health is #1.
Thats your priority.

I hope you start making the right decisions. Responsibility for your actions.

"Such dealings"? Well, thats you. Hiding secrets.
The longer you wait, the worse it will be.

At some point in your life, you have to be honest with yourself & everyone else. Taking control of your life. Taking ownership of your mistakes. Thats gonna require lots of help.

Seek as much as you can.

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Yes I agree with you and every one else that I have to be honest to my husband... but I am not getting the courage to do that... things are going very smoothly in both of our families my sis is to get married in some time and if I end up confessing at this very time things will ruin for sure this is the reason I am unable to seek any help or share this problem of mine with any of my family people.. have been taking this trauma since weeks all alone and this was effecting on my health and before I mite get into severe depression I wanted to let this out luckily found a suitable way here... In any case I will have ti wait for some more time and mean while trying to work on my relation with my husband and make things like they have to be between happily married couple... I want to see him happy that's my priority for now.

That's a big mistake you will pay for later.

Don't wait for the right time to fess up. To yourself & all you "love"

Brushing things under the carpet, but it sounds like how you've been living your life.

We have to get clear & clean to move forward. That may mean owing up, sucking it up and taking responsibility.

If you really want to see if you relationship is going to work, be honest. And see if can too.

Sounds like that's LONG overdue

Here's the thing.

EVERYTHING is based on trust.

If we break that, we confess.

Then maybe we can be trusted again.

By forgivers.

Life getting more and more worse for me... here on one hand am already feeling miserable about it and other side preparations for my sis marriage are on peak everyone is so happy and my depression is now getting visible to people close to me... Am not able to take active part in the preparations. I want to focus on my family my husband my kids but before all that I will have to forget my past... though I am trying my best not to recollect and reminisce anything about my ex but I vain... I can't get enuf of thinking about it am going crazy feel like ending my life.. I don't know if it happening to me that am going through so many felings at a time or its humanly possible that people to do face such thing... things if going to be this way then I will surely loose my will to cope on fine day will give up myself... I know not what am I suppose to do to just stop myself from thinking about my ex... he was all I wanted 8 years back... have been loving him all my life.. my parents shudnt ave forced me to get married I would have been much better unmarried for my life than what I have landed up into now... how am I going to forget everything after all this intimacy I shared with him its not posible

You should make an appointment with a therapist.
Asap.

First things first. Your health.

Things are crashing down yes.

You need to figure out what it is EXACTLY what you want.

What is it? the baby, your ex, the wedding? The having to continue to live a lie.

Call tomorrow, find someone or get a referral. You need some pro face time.

I can only agree with the advice to find a therapist-make that your priority number one and go from there.

Got my Abortion done... am feeling horrible today I was so damn helpless... could do nothing but cry and beg doctors to see if at all there is some way some treatment through which I can treat my rh incompatibility and continue with my pregnant... but docs had no reply for me they needed the blood report of the father of the baby... they advised and pacified me saying anyway this baby might end up having severe complications and may born as an abnormal child and I shouldn't take this big risk... am I responsible for this was this some kind of punishment god gave me for my doings?

I am facing all this depression because of my ex but still I hold feelings for him am not able to forget the time we spend together... day passes and it gets harder and harder for me... I have every reason to hate him from the core of my heart but I am not doing so... why is it that I can't hate him... he was my first love I know and I do realize its not easy to get over with your first love but now after all this that has happened I should be hating him right... but am unable to... even now I have thi thing going in me that somewhere some how he will suddenly pop up realizing his fault and apologize... what should I do to just trash all the memories related to him how can I make it possible to get over this.