I met my husband when I was 33 and he was 19, I of course was his first, but didn't think much of it at the time, I was divorced and had a son, which he accepted, no problems. For the first, I'd say 9 or 10 months we had regular sex, and he was fairly verbal. Then of course we got pregnant by accident, and he really loved his own son however, still favored my son who was 5 by this time. We had occasional sex, which I always started, but it was increasingly harder and harder for him to maintain any erection, I told him he needed to see a Doctor, and he admently refused, so no sex... ever! Then I was nearing the 40 mark and really wanted another child,of course still hardly ever having sex. He always said he was too tired and pretty much always slept on the couch in the living room, saying he kept falling asleep, for whatever reason, it was always some kind of excuse. I think I should also mention he hates oral sex giving or receiving... which I thought was always very strange!

Anyway to make a long story just a little shorter, after about 5 years with absolutely NO SEX, and him constantly sleeping on the couch, I moved out, He never even tried to get me back,we have now been separated for 7 years. My older son stayed living with him the entire time. He's in his 20's now and according to my son who has a girlfriend and my husband has this absolute hatred for her, he has NEVER gone out with anyone let alone had sex with anyone. He does however, hang out all the time with his guy friends, most of whom are married, or goes to the poker hall.

We just, in the last year became friends again, and he would come over like every night, and of course I thought we might get back together and be a family again but of course no sex, nothing, no sleeping over, no kissing, I mean that's just too weird, I'm not ugly or fat??
Also, for about the last 3 months he has lost a lot of weight, like 60 lbs, shaved his mustache off that he had his entire life, and now has been dressing nice and combing his hair, and told his mother he's been "talking" with this girl, but come to find out she only talked to him for about a week if that? My son had moved out about that time, like 3 months ago, but come to find out, one day my son went back to the apartment a few weeks ago to get some stuff he left and told me he had been acting pretty weird over the last few months and my son found a half empty bottle of Cialis, KY Jelly and pictures of some guy he hired (he owns his own company) a few months ago in his drawer in the back under his clothes?? He always states he HATES "homo boys" and anything even remotely gay. So am I overreacting? Could he be really gay?

So should I give up on the "trying" to get back together? Is this "normal behavior" or is he a closet gay??

Please help!!

Just based on what you mentioned about your past relationship with your husband I would say that it's pretty much over. For your own well being I would suggest moving on with your life. Your husband may be gay or he may not, it's really hard to say without more evidence. He obviously has some issues that he's dealing with and not ready to discuss with anyone. You may never get the answers as to what went wrong in your relationship. It's time for you to think about yourself and find someone who is willing give back to you what you give to them.

Your son has no business snooping in his drawers, under the clothes, looking for... what exactly? Evidence?

You have been separated for 7 years, and to rekindle a relationship doesn't sound like a good idea.

If his sexuality is something he hasn't discussed with you, then you should leave the guessing alone. Just because he doesn't seem interested in you, does not mean he is gay, and what's the big deal if he is. Either way, he obviosuly likes his privacy, and in my opinion, should be given that much respect.

I don't think it is a good idea to stir up trouble by confronting him about it either. Again, just my opinion, but allow him his dignity, and move on.

I guess I would say, why do you care what he is, and you talk about the relationship with the older boy, what about his relationship with his own child?

But it may well be he has a sex issue, ashamed to talk to anyone or see a doctor and preferes no sex over admitting it

If you've been separated for 7 years and had no sex for the 5 years before that, what on earth would lead you to believe you might resume a 'normal' sexual relationship, when clearly it had always been problematic?

His sexual predilections are HIS business, not yours and not your sons. You and your son being in his home and rifling through his drawers is a gross invasion of privacy!

I suspect you need a reality check - there is no future for you in this relationship (and there hasn't been for a long time), let it go and let him be.

Who cares if he's gay(or not)? Move on.

There is no hope for you and him ever having a relationship again

If he is gay that it his business not yours. If he is good to your

Children be thankful. Don't involve your son in your quest to humiliate the man.


Move on and do it with some dignity. Find peace in your heart

Let go...

It sounds like you've been separated more than half the time you've been married, and sleeping apart before that. You're marriage has been over for a long time. I think it's time to make it official, and file for divorce.

If he IS gay, then officially ending the marriage will make his life easier. He's probably already dealing with a societally in-bred feeling of guilt for having those feelings, along with a sense of self-loathing. Freeing him of the added guilt of cheating on his wife, no matter how estranged you are, will give him a sense of relief.

I just want to say, homophobia is not a sign that someone is not gay. Many people who later come out as gay, are loudly and publicly homophobic. They feel that making fun of others and denouncing and reviling the gay community will shift the focus off them, preventing anyone from seeing the truth.

Let the poor man go. He's young. He deserves to restart his life. He was young and naïve and inexperienced when you got married. Let him figure out who he is when he's not in a relationship.

You're hitting a point in your life where your kids are old enough for you to go out and do your own thing some of the time. Go out with friends. Meet people. Maybe start dating again. Maybe find someone who's at a similar stage in their life. Someone who knows who they are and what they want out of life and a partner.

This relationship should be about the kids, not sexuality, as its been over for YEARS!

No, it will never be normal again, nor was it ever? The young guy grew up, and changed his mind about something for sure.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

This relationship should be about the kids, not sexuality, as its been over for YEARS!!

No, it will never be normal again, nor was it ever? The young guy grew up, and changed his mind about something for sure.

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The children are the victims. She should find someone her own age. This guy spent his best years with her and now he wants to move on. Don't use the kids in this self serving manipulating plan. Move on.

I hope you have found the answers you're looking for.