I have been married for over a year now and have no kid yet. At the time of marriage my husband was a divorce and upon asking him repeated about if he had any kids from his first marriage he answered me he did not, in fact he ensured me he did not, because I kept telling him I would not marry him if he had. Few months after the wedding I found out by some court documents that he had two sons (3years and 8years of ages) and they were living with his first wife. After lots of problems our families brought us together again. At that time he said his past will not have anything to do with our present or future, and I will not have anything to do with his kids and they will be with his first wife. Now the fact is that he has never stopped seeing his first wife and kids. He goes to live with them every now and them. He says its for the sake of the kids he does not want them to feel they are fatherless. He pays for their upbringing too. The problem now is that he wants to bring them home when ever they have summer/winter hoildays. And I'm totally agaist the idea I want his to keep his kids to himself and not to force them on me. Suggest.

Suggest?

Well, firstly something is VERY wrong with the communication between your husband and yourself. Every assurance he has given you seems to have been broken. In fact, he seems to be forcing his family on you by stealth and lies, rather than by discussion and agreement. I wonder if when he goes to 'live with them', he also takes on the role of husband and bed partner for his ex wife?

I think that he does have a responsibility to support his children and see his children, but it should not be in the context of lies, and not to the detriment of your marriage. - I am assuming that marriage means trust and respect in your culture, and he does not seem to have trusted you or respected your wishes at all.

The issue I think is not so much his children, and the role they will play in your life, but whether you want to stay in a marriage with someone you don't trust and who may still be deceiving you.

1. he should not have lied to you

2. he should be a father to them and have them for weekends if possible, and holidays.

You need to either accept he is a father or leave him. He should not have lied, but he has a duty to his children and you should be supporting not against.

If you make him choose, I bet you lose.

Leave the liar, and let him raise his kids without you.

I completely agree with fr chuck...

He is a father to the children first... before he married you. His children deserve their father in their lives... and hopefully one who is acting as a better man than this.

I, for one, hope that he chooses to be a more active parent in his kids lives. It is the right thing to do.

What the hell was he thinking? Hide them? Lie to you? Idiot. Why does he fear the truth? Because it wouldve meant you leaving? OK. Sorry. He has kids and duties and responsibilities. Fess up, man.

As for your situation... you entered in a marriage with false information. You have a husband who is willing to lie about the most basic of responsibilities... and I see no reason to expect that he wouldn't lie again when it suits him. He lies to avoid conflict. He lies to manipulate you. Ick to that.

Again... a man who is willing to lie about his responsibilities as a parent is not much of a man, in my opinion.

So... what is it you are trying to save... because near as I can tell you are just now finally living in reality... he has children. You don't want them in your life.

You probably don't belong in their lives and he probably doesn't belong in yours. Sorry he lied. It was a stupid thing to do.

But there's just no getting around that the man IS a parent and HAS responsibilities... and I applaud his efforts to be a father, tho' his methods are so suspect and mind-numbing...