Ask Me Help Desk - I cannot get over my Ex

Here is my story:
I am 21 years old. I was dating a girl who is 17. We dated for about 1 and a half. We had a really good relationship. We got along great, and always had fun together. We also had a very intimate sex life. About 5 months ago she got a new job. She started hanging out with the kids who worked there a lot, and I knew they were not good kids (into drugs) which I am not, and she wasn't into either.

Well one night she was hanging out with her friend, and said she was going to sleep and would talk to me in the morning. She texted me in the morning like everything was fine. Well I found out that she was actually at a party with the kids from her work and she got so drunk she was throwing up, and past out at one of there houses. Well I questioned her about it and she finally told me the truth. She said she never cheated on me. After that I never liked her hanging out with those kids, and it always put me in a bad mood.

About a month and a half ago she started to hang out with them a lot. I got mad at her for it, and she broke up with me. She said it was to stressful. I was completely heard broken. I really just didn't want them to influence her, and have her go down the wrong path. She also said we were on different chapters in out lives because of our age.

We still talked everything after that. Then the weekend of valentines day I had a party at my house and she came over, and she spent the night and we had sex. It was the best sex every. The next day for valentines day, I bought her flowers and took her to lunch. Later that night she said she was going out to dinner with a few friends from work (I found out it was just with one guy). She called me after dinner and asked if I wanted to watch a movie at my house. We ended up having sex.

After that I kept asking her to hang out, but she kept shutting me down. She started to hang out with that same kid a lot, and one night she called me and said we should both move on, and she didn't want to be the girl connected to her ex.

So I did talk to her for a few days. Then one day she went to the movies with her best friend (who is dating one of my friends) and she brought the kid. I called her the next day and she said that she liked him. I was so mad, but I was reasonably with her and told her I hope everything works out for the best with her, but I can't be friends with her. By the way, the new kid she is together with is 22.

She deleted me from her Facebook, and myspace. But before she did she posted a bulliten and I read it. She said her heard was fine, and she wouldn't regret her next kiss. She always told me she would never date a kid who does drugs, but I know he does. It seems like she is perfectly fine, while I am hear, crying my eyes of every morning.

It has been 3 days since I have talked to her.

Why are you having sex with a minor?

Please move on, and find someone your own age.

This is what happens when you date a child.

She's 17, she's a kid, heck, you called the 22 year old she's seeing a kid, that makes her a baby. She's at a time in her life where she's going to go out, have fun, not just settle down with one person.

She's right, you are at different stages of you lives.

This statement says it all, at least to me;

Quote:

I really just didn't want them to influence her, and have her go down the wrong path.

Sounds like something a parent would say, not a boyfriend.

Fact is, she's moved on, which girls of 17 do often. It's time for you to move on too.

I know it hurts but it's for the best. This was never a forever relationship. It's very rare to find love when one of the people is 17. That's just the facts.

Good luck.

I would never date a girl that young. But we fell in love, and just went with it. It turned out to be a amazing relationship. I dated a girl before that for over a year, but this one was so much better in so many ways. Every one of my friends always said stuff about the age. But the feelings were there. I feel pathetic over it, but I can't deny my feelings. She is truly a amazing person, and she changed my life for the better. It just hurts so bad that she was moved on so fast. It just sucks losing my best friend. We did everything together. The age gap never really affected us. Her parents were weird at first but they saw how much we were in love and it was fine after that.

Like I said I have been in a long relationship before (with a girl my same age) who I was in love with. But this relationship had a lot more feeling involved, and my depression is a lot worse.

Also when we broke up she said she wanted to be single for a while. But she is already "together" with someone else. It just really confuses me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smbikes20

Also when we broke up she said she wanted to be single for a while. But she is already "together" with someone else. It just really confuses me.

I know it's confusing and I know it hurts. I also know that you think that this relationship was amazing, and I'm sure it was.

Here are the facts. She's 17! She's 17! She's 17! She's not an adult, her brain isn't even fully grown yet. She's not going to be rational when it comes to love or relationships. It's not her fault, she's just... well... 17!

You're 21, you see things differently then a 17 year old. Especially a 17 year old girl.

I'm a girl. I was 17 once. Trust me, I remember what it's like. In love one minute, off to another guy the next minute. The fact that she had a relationship with you for over a year is amazing.

This is over and now you have to get over it. She's moved on in pure 17 year old fashion. You have to move on in your fashion. No contact, get busy with your life again, do things you did before she came along, reconnect with friends, make new friends, work out, have fun.

It won't be an overnight fix but you'll get there, you really will. I promise you. :)

I'm sorry for your loss, you seem to really love this girl. But unfortunately she has moved on. You need to stop talking to her. Stop analizing everything, its over. You seem to be a lot more mature than her. Even if somehow you two would get back together, do you honestly think it would ever work out? Best of luck

Thanks for the advice. Ya I really did love this girl. I never thought I could care so much for a person. I would really do anything for her. I know she is young. I heard this from everyone, including my parents. But love happened and took over. It really just breaks my heart still being in love with someone and knowing they are out hooking up with another guy. The feeling is truly the worst.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smbikes20

It really just breaks my heart still being in love with someone and knowing they are out hooking up with another guy. The feeling is truly the worst.

I know how you feel, I've been dealing with this for 1 month now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chickie543

I know how you feel, I've been dealing with this for 1 month now.

Im in a real similar position with a girl back in the UK. You can't help the way you feel, nobody can. That's a sad fact. As the people say, just got to lift your head up, crack on.

Sounds so easy. I know its not. Every day you get your ups and your downs.

Got to keep busy. Keep moving. Keep smiling even though you feel like crying.

Breakups are hard and painful.

Allow yourself to mourn the death of your relationsship,but start to work actively on your healing.
Have you read the stickies at the top of the relationship page?
Lots of good advice there.

No contact will help you,so stick with it.

Take care.

You enjoyed what you had while it lasted, and learned about giving your heart to a very young female that was in a young love, and it changed, that's typical teen age stuff. Don't you remember high school? Maybe that's the problem, your still in high school, in your mind.

Get with people your own age, and do some adult stuff, and have some fun like your supposed to. This will fade into a distant memory.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KevintheFool

Im in a real similar position with a girl back in the UK. You can't help the way you feel, nobody can. Thats a sad fact. As the people say, just gotta lift your head up, crack on.

Sounds so easy. I know its not. Every day you get your ups and your downs.

Got to keep busy. Keep moving. Keep smiling even though you feel like crying.

I understand, just stay busy, go out with friends. Soon enough you will find someone that catches your attention. You will feel all warm and fuzzy inside again. Soon your memories of this girl will be, why did I waste so much time being upset! You seem like a really great guy, lots of people will be interested in you.

Its not this girls age, its her maturity. She's not ready for a real relationship.. she feels like shed be missing out on other things she never got to experience.
She wants to get around, and party. Ugh.
But she'll have her fun and then have nothing left.. this guy doesn't care about her.. he just sees her as the easy target she is.
She'll find this out soon, and think of you. By this time you'll be on to better things, hopefully more mature things.

I don't want to rag about the age like everyone else.. ha because I'm 19 and my preference is 21-24 years old. So I have no room to talk.. but I got partying and all that nonsense out of the way a while ago.. if I hadn't, id be doing the same thing as her.. that's why I can say all this with so much confidence. Drop her.
She even attempted to keep you on the side for sex.. ughh! And you don't think she hooked up with him before it came to your knowlede? Of course she did. And then she got with you in between... move on... date other girls and ignore her. It'll kill her

It sounds like you were more in love with lust then the actual relationship. Question to ask you, was this girl that you just lost, was she more beautiful then your ex girl friend? Look back, did you two spend more time talking, laughing, going out for a walk, dining out, etc. Or do you two spend all your time having sex like there is no tomorrow, Lust and love is different but they may feel the same, just be-careful hope you know the difference.

We pretty much did everything together. We joked around all the time.

So tonight I went to the local farmers market, and she was parked in the spot that we would always park at. She was with him. It made me so mad. This kid doesn't have a car, or pay for anything for her. He is just no good! I don't know why she is doing this. To try and get at me maybe? Its so hard to hold back from not beating the living crap out of the kid.

She's doing it because that's what she wants to be doing right now.

Try to not let it affect you,even though I can understand that it hurts.

Just leave both of them alone and move on with your life.

You are better off without her.

Don't back track the things you two did, all it does is hurt you. I know the feeling I am going through one myself. Be strong and don't worry about what she is doing, worry about what your doing. Hey my ex lived with me for awhile and it hurts cause everything I do reminds me of her. But I just got to keep my heads up and just trust on God to help me get through this. Go hang out with your friends, family do something new not what you 2 used to do, that's what I'm trying to do. Its hard to forget about the memory that was made and its even harder to know that the person on that memory is no longer yours. Stop hurting yourself cause all your doing is postponing the healing process.

Thanks for you guys' input. I tried to go out and enjoy time with my friends, but her being there just ruined it. Everything she told me she would do, she is doing, and she said she would never date a kid like the one she is with. It just all confuses me so much. I really just want to have a talk with her. There is so much that I want to say. I am at the point where I realize she wasn't the person I thought she was, but I still feel for her

Quote:

Originally Posted by smbikes20

Thanks for you guys' input. I tried to go out and enjoy time with my friends, but her being there just ruined it. Everything she told me she would do, she is doing, and she said she would never date a kid like the one she is with. It just all confuses me so much. I really just want to have a talk with her. There is so much that I want to say. I am at the point where I realize she wasn't the person I thought she was, but I still feel for her

Shows how fake she is. You don't miss her, you miss the person you thought she was. Accept this.