My 20 year old son left home a few months to live in a Granny Flat with his friend... with the friend's grandmother looking after them (washing and meals). He has now been asked to leave, and has asked if he can come back home. Problem is that he is a messy filthy pig, won't do chores, and doesn't consider anyone else in the house... so things have been much more pleasant without him. What is the best way to handle this so that it works? I don't want to turn him away...

Sounds like the grandmother got tired of him too!

If you want to take him back, you should draft up a contract outlining the rules and chores he must follow. Along with what consequences will happen if he does not follow through on chores.

If he does not like that, he will have to get a job and pay for his own apartment. Better yet, you could also charge him rent.

It sounds like you turned him out into the world, and he just did what he has always been allowed to do at home. Nothing.

He can't be expected to accept all the blame for him being a 'messy filthy pig' as you described him. If he is this way at age 20, you've missed some opportunities to teach him along the way, long before he moved out.

I agree that you need to have a contract of sorts, but I wouldn't expect miracles. After all, he was a 'messy filthy pig' when he left your house, and moved into another.

If he is working, consider allowing him a temporary stay, until he can find a place on his own, even renting a room.

I hope that you can make up some of what he should already have learned along the way, and teach him what he needs to be a man, independent, and respectful of his surroundings.