I am in a relationship of 3yrs now and have a 2 week old son. Going back when we first met iabout 2months into the relationship my partner went to a party at her friends and stayed the night I didn't mind her going but I knew her ex was going to be there and that he was always asking her out. Anyway her friends told me on Facebook that she slept in the same bed as him that night. So I asked her if anything happened she said no and I kept on asking as I had a gut feeling she did. Finally about a yr later she confessed to me she had oral sex with him and stopped it going any further. But I still feel she did more at this party.

More may have occurred. Why are you concerned about that incident 3 years later?


My ex thought I had issues for holding onto a problem all day... But wait till she meets you! Jk

Lol emopunk. Ok here is my thing. She may have even had sex with him. No one could tell you that and you will never know unless she confesses this to you. I have to say I seriously doubt she stopped it at all but women are better at stoping that type of thing than men are. Um, my thoughts are that if she did have sex with him, wouldn't you forgive her for it as it happened 3 years ago and by this point it really doesn't matter anymore. It is something she will not be able to change and I suggest dropping it. However if you cannot drop it I guess the only way to be sure is to go to the ex yourself and ask. He will probably lie and say yeah it was the best bleep I ever had. You'll get into a fist fight, and both of you will go to jail. Doesn't sound like a fun way to discover the truth to me but if that's what floats your boat. I simply suggest telling her no matter what you will not leave and if her story doesn't change then leave it be. If she has given you no more reason than that to mistrust her then you probably have nothing to worry about. Also if you honestly can't trust the person you are with or forgive that person for a past transgression then the relationship is already doomed and you should get out now.

You will never know so why beat yourself up wondering about that now?

If you are feeling her distance right now it is most likely because she is a new Mother with other concerns that are weighing on her and she does not have the time ,energy or inclination to give you all of her attention.

Let sleeping dogs lie and concentrate of being a parent.

Unless of course you are looking for an excuse to opt out of being a daddy ?

So what's going on now that has you dredging up old memories and situations?

You didn't say what brought up the past, but if she's feeling a little distant right now, I'd say she has a lot on her mind with the new baby.

Unless there's more to this story than you've indicated, I'd drop the past and try to enjoy the present.

Why does it matter what happened 3 years ago? It was so long ago, stop worrying, if you trust her now it shouldn't matter. Unless if you still don't trust her?

I guess you still have in some corner of your mind that your wife has affair with her ex, speak up and clear it off, there is no point keeping it in your mind and thinking again and again, in this way you are not losing her but you are creating distance between you both. Trust if important in any relationship so if you believe her then stop worrying such things if your mind still worries that talk to her and get clarified.

Thanks 2 all answers . And I know I shouldn't be worrying about this 3yrs later its just an issue I needed to know. And to ARTLADY I'm happy being a father and very proud my son has nothing to do with this.

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Originally Posted by chickie543

Why does it matter what happened 3 years ago? It was so long ago, stop worrying, if you trust her now it shouldn't matter. Unless if you still don't trust her?

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I do trust her now its just my thing.x

Just live in the beautiful moments now, with your new baby, and her.

Don't waste a second on that stuff.

You may want to forgive, considering she just had your baby.

You have nothing to feel insecure about.

Its difficult to live with such feelings in your mind especially about the person you love the most in my view if you have passed 3 yrs with it you can probebly move on with it for the rest of your life
Tell me one thing honestly what diffrence will it make knowing the truth? Its only going to aggrivate the problem and with a new kid in your life its not going to help
I would suggest just burry that thought and move on !

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Originally Posted by cck4ever

i do trust her now its just my thing.x

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If you do trust her now, why does the past matter. It was so long ago, she probably hasn't even thought about in years. Focus more on your future together than the past, how can you ever move forward if your stuck in the past? Bringing it up with her will only cause arguments, she will think that you don't trust her. It will just be ugly. Move forward.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Just live in the beautiful moments now, with your new baby, and her.

Dont waste a second on that stuff.

You may wanna forgive, considering she just had your baby.

You have nothing to feel insecure about.

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Hi vanheart... I'm trying but I have to know she still won't tell me everything I'm sure.. our relationship is good apart from this

Once again, that's in the past.
What is it exactly do you want to hear?

If she's committed, now?

Sounds like you are obsessing & if you keep it up you run the risk of destroying things.

Sometimes people screw up. But, she's with you & the mother of your child.
Is there any reason at this very moment to mistrust her?

Don't be insecure.

You can either dwell on that night or spend your energy in a positive direction. Your choice really.

You don't want to tell your kid later that you guys split up because you can't trust or forgive.

Not a very spiritual way to be.