I have been dating this guy for 7months and even from the very beginning this has bothered me. She phones my boyfriend some times to talk, and talks to him about personal matters. Like problems with her daughter(which is not his brothers child) from the first time I went to his brother's house for Thanksgiving she adjusted the buttons on his shirt. Which to me is an intimate gesture.And another time The both of them were rolling their eyes at the Husband/brother behind his back! I don't think that type of behavior is right.

Have you considered discussing this matter with your boyfriend?

If so, what did he say about his behavior?

Yes I have brought it up twice. I told him I did not think it was appropriate for her to roll her eyes behind her husbands back and he was defensive on her part saying that I did not know how his brother was and what she has to put up being married to him. He has (un diagnosed) Obsesive cumpulsive disorder. It's not that I don't think they should be friends. I just think that there should be boundaries.

Sorry but you cannot set boundaries for someone else, nor should you interfere in what sounds like a family dynamic. You have voiced your opinion, but the decisions they make is really up to the individuals.

Is this a big deal, or a deal breaker for you? Families often have their own quirky way of interacting, and maybe they take some getting use too.

Umm... I think that things that are close to physical touch such as the button thing are a little over the line. That is your job. However the other, I don't think its wrong. If the brother is not having problems with this then I don't think anything weird is really going on. And if that is how the relationship was when you walked in to the picture and he is not willing to change it then I suggest giving up on it. Or (if you really want to make a point) you can get close to his brother and see what happens. Though I do not suggest this approach since it could cause sever family problems that you won't want to deal with anyway.