It's a long story...

Me and my ex were together for 7 years with only one breakup/reunion in between them, the first 5 years we were almost inseparable, we did everything together and when I didn't she'd feel bad and want to cuddle and things like that and she'd get clingy, then her clinginess wore off a little around the 6 year mark (late 6) and I was clingy and she wasn't AS clingy but still very much in love from what I could tell. We always went through periods where one was more clingy than the other and when the other was clingy the other was not.

The relationship was actually going well even into the 7th year, to her family I was "son" and "uncle," and she even instigated calling me that to her niece and nephew, she had to have them call me Uncle because I was "part of the family." but something changed for some reason in the last 3 weeks of the relationship, she wasn't always coming to go to sleep with me or sometimes she'd come very late. She didn't want to spend as much time with me, but I attributed it to a person needing their space after 7 years of almost 24/7 being around each other.

I even told her that we could spend less time together but still make time for each other, I proposed that we spend at least 3 weeks apart from time to time to do our own thing and feel like our own people. She proceeded to tell me it didn't have to be THAT long apart.

So everything felt normal until this started happening and then one day out of the blue she decides that she doesn't know if she loves me or not and we break up.

I spent 7 months feeling sorry for myself, asking for second chances and being a complete fool but for some reason she didn't stop contact completely as most women would.

We see each other everyday on Yahoo at least and when I was finally ready to move on I was telling her a final goodbye and that I was going to try to move on (never seeing her again or signing onto yahoo) and ask someone I liked out, she told me she didn't want me to leave, that she had over the course of these years, grown "attached" to me and having me in her life in one way or another.

Her exact words to our mutual friend was "Well I was fine and now that he's actually telling me goodbye ... I don't want him to go. I mean, even if I'm not with him anymore ... I still want him to be here." So I decided to remain on Yahoo, just not see her personally and she was happy that I wasn't gone completely.

I just want to know if this is a good sign that maybe she still loves me and there's a hope for a us in the future or if I should just count her as a friend and be done with it.

I don't know what women are thinking, so I wouldn't know a single thing about what those words could possibly mean. Either hope for the relationship, or not. I'm ready to believe in either at this point, I can let it go if its not meant to be, or try to find out how to slowly inch it towards a real relationship again instead of just friendship.

In short (this has been far from it) I just want to know what her words could mean, hope, no hope. Please help me out here.

First clingy.
"with only one breakup/reunion in between" Why?

Then

"when I didn't she'd feel bad" About what?

"she doesn't know if she loves me "

"now that he's actually telling me goodbye ... I don't want him to go"

2 classics.

This didn't just happen.

"I spent 7 months feeling sorry for myself, asking for second chances"


To answer your question, Screw the words. Just look at her actions.

Oh, and BTW, yours.

She is the only one who knows-I can only guess and my guess is she wants you in the background as a safetynet.

You did the right thing by saying goodbye.
Disregard her comments and move on.

Go live your own life without her in it.

Yup, miscommunication. And a history of that.

What do they say? The 7 year itch?

I wonder why?

Her words were basically that she didn't want a relationship, period, with anybody but that she had become so attached to me for so many years she couldn't imagine her life without me completely.

The first break up, was because she thought I was too bossy, asking her where she was going all the time, but I didn't ask to be accusing, but she felt it that way and I said I'd stop so she agreed to get back with me as long as I wasn't bossy like that anymore. I was the type who wanted to know where their girlfriend was all the time, but once we got back together I controlled those impulses.


"when I didn't she'd feel bad" About what?

She'd feel bad if I didn't want to spend time with her, or that I wasn't as clingy as she was at that moment.

And yes, I felt sorry for myself, course this was the first really meaningful relationship I had ever been in, around the 4 year mark we were even discussing marriage and children, she brought it up and I was against it at first but I warmed up to the idea. I never thought of that with anyone else.

So far her actions have been that she still talks to me, asks me to help her find information on the net and stuff like that. When I started feeling sorry for myself she stopped talking to me, until this very conversation I talked about and now she's acting normally.

But I am entirely ready to move on, I even am working up the courage to ask out a college classmate, there's no lovey feelings there but she's cute and I can definitely see myself attracted to her.

I just wanted to know if the words meant anything, if there was a hope and I should hold off on this hard to do proposition of asking someone out to just hold out for her.

Frankly I miss romance and having someone there for you who isn't related by blood, and she was there for me for 7 years so it's a hard transition.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kalen524

I spent 7 months feeling sorry for myself, asking for second chances and being a complete fool but for some reason she didn't stop contact completely as most women would.

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Seems like she wants to remain just friends. If you can handle that and not become jealous if she finds someone else then I say remain friends but that will be all that will come out of this for you. She left. Relationships over. Go out and date. I know 7 years is a long time (I was only with mine for 3).

Her continued contact is for her well being not yours. Its been 7 months and If she wanted you back she would have done so by now. I suggest not talking to her unless you can handle being in the "friends zone"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kalen524

Her words were basically that she didn't want a relationship, period, with anybody but that she had become so attached to me for so many years she couldn't imagine her life without me completely.

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It sounds like there is still so much emotional dust in this situation. She doesn't want to let you go because she's clinging on to you still but not in a loving relationship sort of way. She doesn't want a relationship, she wants a friendship

The only way to get over this and heal properly is to cut contact with her.

No contact is your best option. Keep on moving on.
Date and get to know girls,and enjoy life.
Make sure you don't get into a rebound,no relationship until you have healed from the breakup.

You're her old comfortable pillow she keeps around for her comfort. Why, because you let her.

I understand how hard it must be, but she will never let you completely go, until YOU, completely leave. And no, she ain't going to be your girlfriend anymore, but the sad part is, if she finds a love interest then you're toast.

That's the real reason she has to keep you around until she CAN let go, because she can't let you find happiness until she does. Then its okay to ignore you.

Sorry guy, but that's exactly what's happening, so its up to you now.

"So far her actions have been that she still talks to me, asks me to help her find information on the net and stuff like that."

Shows exactly what you mean to her.

With 7 years, I would take a serious look at yourself before you rebound to fix this. Don't repeat. Take some time and have some honest fun.

You need a life that doesn't include her. Easier said than done, true, but the work you put in will help you move beyond her, because you won't be as available to her.

What's the problem with saying your busy?

As hard as it may be, it'd be best to stop the contact with her and move on. Right now she's just holding on to you by a tiny thread in case she doesn't find someone better out there.

If you didn't want to make her a permanent fixture in your life after 7 years, I think it's safe to say that she just "wasn't the one". Heal from this breakup, then go out and look for Ms. Right.

So true.

And you as well are holding on to a tiny thread.

That threads already broken. You just don't see it or want to accept it yet.

Once you do, then well... You have your life back.