Ask Me Help Desk - First time I cheated

Entire story merged

I been with my boyfriend since I was 14. We been together 4 years now. I love him more than anything but he is very hard to get along with. But when I think about it he puts up with a lot from me. Anyway he doesn't want kids ever and I do want kids someday. But I want to have them with him. I'm so depressed every time I hear someone is pregnant. He doesn't ever want to get married. He doesn't like people and he tries to be completely different from most people.I know I can't leave him.I just love him too much that I stay with him even though it hurts me really bad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by beth911

i been with my bf since i was 14. we been together 4 years now. i love him more than anything but he is very hard to get along with. but when i think about it he puts up with alot from me. anyways he doesnt want kids ever and i do want kids someday. but i want to have them with him. im so depressed everytime i hear someone is pregnant. he doesnt ever wanna get married. he doesnt like people and he tries to be completely different from most people.i know i can't leave him. i just love him too much that i stay with him even though it hurts me really bad.

Hi, beth911!

You know, we've been through these "rounds" previously with the giving and taking of advice. You've already received tons of advice from some very knowledgeable, helpful and caring people on this site in the past, for at least, the last couple of years.

Many years ago, I was engaged for about 3&1/2 years to a woman. I thought that we were going to be married and that things were going to work out just fine. We seemed to be very compatible with each other. I had already been married previously and had children. What happened in the end, with the woman with whom I engaged, was that I found out that she had mental delusions and was cheating on me with someone else. I actually caught them, one evening, when they were going to have sex with each other. Can you imagine my shock!

Here's some of my "bottom lines" for you at this point:

One - A person can be in love with more than one person and stay in love with more than one person in their life. It's just that, for one reason or another, things just might not work out for a permanent, intimate relationship. I've had many intimate relationships with women in my life. Do some of them still love me? Yes. Am I still in love with some of them? Yes. But, for one reason or another, things just didn't work out. That's okay!

Two - You're now writing about incompatibilities with your boyfriend. Not everyone is compatible with everyone else and we also can't get along with everyone else. It's just human nature. Life goals can change, but unless both people in a relationship are willing to work with each other to accept the changes, then the likelihood of a permanent, intimate relationship isn't likely to happen.

Three - You know that you can't leave him? beth911, that's a bunch of baloney and you know that. I don't think that he is someone with whom you would be happy on a permanent basis. I'm sure that others here will feel and think the same way. If you're thinking about having a permanent, intimate relationship with someone, then I think that it's time to explore other possibilities.

Four - You state that he doesn't like people. But, you seem to like people, if I'm not mistaken? We've had a lot of fun with you and I and others on this site in the past.

Time for a reality check... I write because I care!

I'm also hopeful that others will come along to respond here! I could say more, but I'm sure that others can give you even more insight to the way that things really are for you and also "fill in the gaps" that I've left out!

Thanks!

If this is the boyfriend from your previous threads,you have been unhappy for a long time.
You are still young and you deserve to be with someone who is on the same page as you are.

Breaking up with him wouldn't be selfish-and I think you should-it would be taking care of yourself and finding out who you are and what you want and need in life.

Its like having a car or looking for a new home, there is always going to be something that I don't like about it or something wrong with it. It would be perfect if it only had this or didn't have that. And there its never going to be perfect. I hope that makes sense. That's what its like with him. I could find someone else but there would always be something that I don't like enough until I can't stop thinking about it and it drives me crazy and its all I think about until it stops, then I find somethig else I don't like

Everything has been great latelty. Really good. We haven't gotten in even a little argument in like a year it seems. Its just that I want kids and he doenstso how is this supposed to work

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Originally Posted by amicon

If this is the bf from your previous threads,you have been unhappy for a long time.
You are still young and you deserve to be with someone who is on the same page as you are.

Breaking up with him wouldnt be selfish-and I think you should-it would be taking care of yourself and finding out who you are and what you want and need in life.

Yes! Please try other guys!

I think that you tend to "beat yourself up", beth911! What do you owe someone who now would appear to disagreeing with you on many points? There are plenty of "fish in the sea"!

I get along with his family really good and I can just stay on the phone with his mom for hours. And that's a good thing that we get along but he doesn't ever come around my family because he's just afraid to after so long. He won't admit it but I know that it's the truth.

Quote:

Originally Posted by beth911

everything has been great latelty. really good. we havent gotten in even a little arguement in like a year it seems. its just that i want kids and he doenstso how is this supposed to work

The point is, that it might not work and doesn't really look like it's going to!

I thought that things were going to work out in many of the close, intimate relationships that I've had.

Sometimes, you just got to move on...

Ever forward, upward and onward!

Quote:

Originally Posted by beth911

i get along with his family really good and i can just stay onthe phone with his mom for hours. and thats a good thing that we get along but he doesnt ever come around my family because hes just afraid to after so long. he wont admit it but i know that its the truth.

So, you can stay on the phone with his mom for hours, but his mom isn't the one with whom you're looking to be partnered.

I could talk forever with at least a couple of moms of women whom I've dated.

Reality check...

Quote:

Originally Posted by beth911

its like having a car or looking for a new home, there is always going to be something that i dont like about it or something wrong with it. it woudl be perfect if it only had this or didnt have that. and there its never going to be perfect. i hope that makes sense. thats what its like with him. i could find someone else but there would always be something that i dont like enough until i can't stop thinking about it and it drives me crazy and its all i think about until it stops, then i find somethig else i dont like

People aren't cars or houses. They're not inanimate objects.

So, I don't really think that sort of comparison is logical or to be legitimately used.

Another reality check...

You need to experience life as a single person as well,it's part of growing up and finding yourself.

I don't think you would be posting here unless you had serious doubts,so listen to your gut feeling,it's trying to tell you something isn't right.

Hi beth, its been a while. You have grown a lot, and I can understand your wanting a family, but just curious, what does his mom say about this? Have you talked to her about your concerns?

She is in bad health. And she can't wait to have grandkids. I am talking about his mom. And his brother and sister are only 9 and 10. She may not make it very long. She has emphizema and athma and all kinds of stuff and she still is a chain smoker. She really looks forward to us having a kid. She keeps telling me she can't wait and she has all this stuff planned for something that is never going to even happen

Sorry about her health, that's very sad. But what about what you want for your own future, besides a family. I know you have your own hopes, and dreams.

Threads merged

Well I been with my boyfriend foir almost five years and he is the only p[erson I have been with. I never cheated on him or anything. But one of the managers at work I began to really like and tghen he left to go to another store and I thought that I would never see him again and I became a little obsessed with him. I got lucky and he came back for about a month and he is supposed to leave any day now. His girlfriend is pregnant/ I thought that he was just jokin around with me about wanting to have sex but then we ended up kissing and then I knew he meant it. He even told me that I can't get attatched because there could never be anything with us othedr than sex but I really liked him and we did it and now I feel like I like him more than I like my boyfriend and he was so much better . In a way I feel sad abo8ut it but at the same time I am in denial and I;m trying to think that it never happened but I am also happy that it did. I had fyn but its like my mind has been running a million thoughts a second and he said we could keep in touch and I really want to do it again sometime. What's wrong with me? Lately its like I don't care about anything. I feel like I did sort of when my dog died. Not beleieving it but sad at the same time and just mixed feelings.
Sorry so long just had to get this off my chest

I think that you should go to the bathroom and take a good, long look at yourself in the mirror.

Do you like what you see there? I suspect not.

What ARE you doing? He's with someone else and about to have a child, and you're also with someone (even if you're unhappy with them). Of course he wants to see you again. You made it SO easy, and he's figuring you can be his booty call. Is this what you REALLY want?

If you're unhappy with your relationship and you feel that life is meaningless, then please take responsibility for it.

You don't have to be a slave to your desires or your feelings. Do something constructive to deal with the issues in your relationship - even if it means moving on from it.

Continuing down this road will see many people getting hurt, including yourself. Think about how you might act honestly and with integrity - and make it the last time you cheat.

Do the decent thing and end your relationship if you are unhappy.
As for being this guy's bit on the side,I think you know how wrong this is.
You are both cheaters and his partner is expecting their child.

Is this who you want to be?
I hope not.

I so clearly remember all of what you and I went through not that long ago. I cannot believe you did this! I am so disappointed in you!

Give up this guy who has a pregnant girlfriend. Forget about him. It's time you got yourself together -- alone!

I just began to really like this guy at work and its like I want to keep doing this. Even though I feel sooooo sick when I just think of what I did. I can't stand to look in the mirror. Its like I can't control myself. I could but something makes me not want to. I should probably go get tested and take the morning after pill, huh? He pulled it out but still I can't take the chance/ I don't want to waste my money but better to do that than have a bigger problem later

What's gotten into me lately? Its not like me to be like this. I don't know what has happened to me but I'm just not me and I don't believe myself. And I really wanted to say something else but my mind has too much on it that I forgot what I was going to say but I think it was important... o his last name. I don't even know it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by beth911

whats gotten into me lately? its not like me to be like this. idk what has happened to me but im just not me and i dont believe myself. and i really wanted to say something else but my mind has too much on it that i forgot what i was going to say but i think it was important.... o his last name. i dont even know it.

So, stop and give yourself time to think.

Why do you want to self destruct and give in to not being in control?

Do you think you're trying to get pregnant because your BF doesn't want children..

Possibly. I don't know its like I really love him or I thought I did but oviously I don't if I did this. Its like I just wanted to try something new.

Harshness Warning

Trying something new is changing hair styles, banging some other dude WITHOUT protection is well I can't say the words on here. I absolutely despise your excuse too, you wanted to try something new? Really I mean do you even believe that? How about if your boyfriend went out and banged some chick unprotected and then just said "eh I wanted to try something new"

End it with your boyfriend as he deserves a lot better, and you really need to work on yourself