So I just met this new girl about 2 weeks ago. Really funny, laid back, but just likes to go crazy when she can. I really like her and we have a date this Wednesday. Ever since I met her though she has these spotty days where she is just off, mentally. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that one of her good friends from back home had committed suicide, and her ex-boyfriend was trying to put blame on her for the cause of it... I don't know what to do, I am a religious person so I've given her as much guidance as I can but she still isn't taking it well... I don't know what to do? I'm ready for a relationship with her and she said she is to but how this new situation would affect our relationship...

Any advice?

What's with the rush to enter a commitment when you've only known each other 2 weeks? Why not get to know each other first?

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Originally Posted by justcurious55

what's with the rush to enter a commitment when you've only known each other 2 weeks? why not get to know each other first?

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I don't know, we just kind of hit it off! We have already gone on a couple of dates and were just ready to take it a step further. Its this whole situation though that is kind of making me change my mind about it but I still really like her

Sounds like she's got a lot of things going on in her mind. Why not be her friend and support her? While getting to know her better at the same time. But what's the rush to start a romantic relationship?

Its OK to still really like her and still not be in a committed relationship. If she's having a rough time, and you're not 100% supportive (and really, why should you be at this point? You've only known her 2 weeks), this is not the best time for either of you to enter a relationship. Be there for her as more of a friend for the time being. And when she's done grieving and you both know each other better, then rethink the commitment. If you're really meant to be together, it'll happen and there's no need to make it happen right away.

first I would say that her Ex-boyfriend needs to be a non-factor. Secondly calm down, you need to take it slow. You're religious you should know the value of courting. Do not just jump into this because it does not sound like you know her as well as you think you do. Take this advice, it'll save you a lot of grief if she isn't who you think she is.

If you've got doubts - back off. Always trust your intuition.

Someone that is mentally unstable could ruin your life, as well as hers. You don't want to be her rescuer or counsellor, you want to be her BF.

Go gently, stop with the guidance, and see what happens.

I don't think she's necessarily 'mentally unstable', as much as she is coping with the death of a good friend, and you are a good listener.

At this point, that is probably all she needs, or all that she is able to cope with. The loss of any relationship, be it friend, lover, husband, child, requires time to process.

Her ex boyfriend has added guilt on top of the death, and she is also coping with that.

She isn't going to just 'snap out of it'. At the moment, this isn't about you, and your needs. It is about a major catastrophe in her life.

The last thing she needs is a new relationship, when she is grieving with the loss of her friend.

And grieving during this time, no matter how it comes out, is a natural process she needs to go through.

I would say it is time to put her needs first, by not expecting anything more than what she is able to give.

After a few weeks and a few dates I hardly think you know her well enough to think about the next level, whatever that means. Why don't you take a lot more time to find out if she is crazy or not before you take a step to the next level.

Then you won't have to guess about her mental state, or how it will affect a relationship.

Too much, too fast, crash and burn. What's the hurry? Take a few months at least, to get it right, without the hassles later.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...up-435133.html

Didn't you learn that from the last girl you had?

I think calling her 'mentally stable' is a bit rude.
She has a lot on her mind and she most likely need some time to recover before she can put you or the relationship first.
First off, her ex boyfriend is blaming her for the death of a friend that comits suicide.
She is most likely feeling as if it was her fault.

Do NOT bring your religion into this, even if you're really religious.
Be a good listener and a friend before stepping up to be a boyfriend.

I think all she need is someone to tell her that she isn't the one to be blamed instead of trying to consult her/guidance.