Basic Background: I am a nursing student, not totally studious but it is my time keeper. He just graduated from a trade school and is a mechanic working on semi s, 8 to 5 Mon to Sat. We meet online, July 2009, when I responded to a posting he had and emailed regularly for a while then decided to go out to movies and dinner, we started texting and it goes from there. We are both similar in our likes and our out of the crowd tendencies, you could say we are laidback or shy and it wouldn’t be too far from the mark. Though we have only seen each other a few times I know where he lives, I’ve hung out with him there and I have an open invitation to be there, *Him “you should stop by anytime to want…”* which I have yet to take advantage of.

Problem: He won’t take the initiative to ask me out without some incentive from me which is not how I would picture a relationship going. And it wouldn’t be so bad but after he cancelled (because of work) the plans I made for us a few times, I think he should set things up. The only time we have held hands was our last visit to the movies during the film but afterwards I tried to take hold of his hand and he didn’t react. I don’t know what to do I keep changing my mind from thinking about a future together to letting go of what we might share and back.

What can I do? Just pass by his place any chance I get, through myself at him, demand an explanation, move away from this, or what??

Help and advice please!

I think you will need to talk to him about where the relationship is going or even if there is a relationship. If there is one, you need to let him know how you feel and see if he reciprocates the same feelings. If he does you two will need to talk it over on how to deal with the problem.

If there is no relationship, you will either need to let him know how you feel if you haven't already and see what he does or just move on.

If you two are in a relationship and you talked about your feelings to him and he doesn't do anything about it, you will need to move on because you deserve better.

This pretty much covers all the possibilities on how to proceed.

You need to talk, and listen to each other. Not confront. I am surprised you haven't done so already and gotten this settled.

Unless you discuss this with him you won't know.

Talk to him about it.

Time to find out if you are on the same page or not.

Communication is key.

You need to find a mutual understanding on what each of you define as a relationship before you can move forward.

Quit playing minds games by wondering what's going on in his mind. Get your answers by talking to him.

Why not just talk to him? It's possible that in his mind there really isn't any romantic relationship at all. We can all provide "guesses" as to what he might be thinking or why he isn't doing what you think he should, but you'll never truly know unless you communicate with him.

I did ask him about it but his answers don’t seem like answers :(
After not being able to decide if we should meet I asked him for a straight answer and he said  I'm sorry I'm not all in to deciding I just take life as it comes that's me
Then I just had to ask if we were going somewhere with this or if we were just entertaining each other, his response  whatever happens happens entertained or watching a movie or drive each other up the wall I don't care as long as its with u
And it drives me nuts that we are totally in contact one month and minimally the next, and then back to total contact. Any help in deciphering this?

Quote:

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I'm sorry I'm not all in to deciding I just take life as it comes that's me

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He takes life on its own terms whether your in it or not!

Quote:

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whatever happens happens entertained or watching a movie or drive each other up the wall I don't care as long as its with u

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As long as your there on HIS terms, everything is cool. Works for him so why doesn't it work for you? Oh that's right, truth be told, he isn't willing to change, and make this work for you both, just him!!

You need something else to do while you think about is he the one, or are you wasting your time.

Not understanding each other is like NOT communicating, and if there is no communicating, what's the point?

You can always get someone else that LIKES to hold your hand, and TALK to you while he does it.

My boyfriend is exactly that same way and I have delt with it for almost five years and it hurts me sooo much

Move on and find someone else. This guy is like a leaf blowing in the wind.

Since you're looking for more stability and he obviously doesn't have a clue or even care where his life goes, get out now!

You're not on the same page.

Your relationships seems so forced.

You're waiting for him to change, while he's waiting for you to change.

Why torture yourself?

I think that you would be happier going your separate way and finding happiness elsewhere.

Update: he is no longer the one I hope to be with, I realized we never had anything, there was no concrete commitment from either of us and he really doesn’t care if I’m around or not. Thanks for helping me see that. I cut communications with him and I rarely hear from him now which is much better, with the gloss off I don’t think too highly of him.

Thank you to all who answered my post!

: talaniman, Devorameira, I wish, amicon, none12345, beth911 :