Ask Me Help Desk - Premature

Premature

Okay, I'm 18 and every time I have a wet dream I come so early.

I know this sounds rediculious but seriously.

I've never had sex, because I haven't wanted to yet, but recently I've found someone and I think its time. I'm worried that as soon as I start I'm going to come almost straight away.

I honestly need tips.

Don't suggest a doctor or something because I am MUCH too shy for that.

In dreams I basically start and like 2-3 seconds later I come.

I even get a little bit of come coming out when we hook up and stuff, like, not an dripping amount but a fair bit.

Please someone I honestly need some tips, and I heard this is a good community for help (:

Thanks! :p

To help you overcome your shyness I will try to remain clinical.

The "wet dream" you refer to, do you mean fantasy while masturbating or ejaculating while you're asleep? From your description I'm inclined to think it's the former.

When you and your prospective partner do decide to "do the deed," let me suggest getting her/him off while s/he brings you to a climax. You should be able to last a little longer for the encore.

It'll be fine. If you already masterbate a lot you may need to use more pressure. It'll make it easier to last longer when the deed is being done. However it may be just that you already use the right amount of pressure and your partner may help in your time because he/she is completely different than a hand. Meaning that since you will not be used to it you should last longer. Being shy will help in that too. Premature ejaculation can be mental though, but it doesn't sound like it to me because you have said that you have not wanted to have sex yet and most premature guys to the best of my knowledge seem to be sex crazy. So I don't know that you have anything to be worried about.

Last thing, Do not feel bad if it happens with her or especially on your first time. It happens all the time and just be glad if you can orgasm at all with sex the first few times, it is more likely that you will not get off at all until you're used to the feeling.

You'll be just fine. With time, you'll get better. When you do decide to have sex, make sure that you use a condom. It will reduce some of the sensitivity, and you should last a little longer. AND, you should be wearing a condom anyway.

I have heard of some guys who have this problem, they'll masturbate right before the date. The second "launch" has a longer countdown than the first.

Most guys will tell you that an encore performance is more confident than the opener.

Worrying about it isn't going to help. So just enjoy yourself, and learn the art of oral pleasure.

jmjoseph thanks for the comment, it was a good suggestion.

All of you helped a lot, I think I can deal with it from here, I appreciate all of the help (:

Laters :)

Good luck man

Oh by the way its not the actual feeling of an orgasm that gets me off.. well it is, it just happpens so quickly..

But it has nothing to do with what's happening its just the feeling of horniness I guess... hard to explain :-/

It's the mental image that gets you? The excitement of the moment? Think dead puppies lol. No but is that what it is?

Umm, just the excitement, it's like the thought of it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuickProblem

Umm, just the excitement, it's like the thought of it.

I can understand what you mean. Being a woman, it works in my favor to be extremely excited about my partner and just the thought of having sex with him. As a man, it has you worried.

Just be honest with your partner. Don't try to make yourself seem more 'practiced' than you are. If she knows that you may be easily over-stimulated, then she can be more understanding and help ease any awkwardness. It sounds like less of an excuse if she knows there is a chance before it happens. It can also help her feel sexier to know the affect she has on you.

I will say that you may want to make certain that you put a condom on as soon as you are hard enough just to make sure that no 'accidents' occur. Also, if you do try again after climaxing sooner than you wanted to, remember to clean up between sessions.

Well she's had sex before and I dono how she would react to me telling her

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuickProblem

well shes had sex before and i dono how she would react to me telling her

One lesson about relationships that a lot people learn the hard way and sometimes too late is being able to communicate with their partner. As one of our experts, Synnen, says 'If you can't talk about it, you shouldn't be doing it'.

If this female reacts badly to you not being as experienced as she is, then maybe you need to find someone else. However, you won't know how she will react unless you communicate with her.

I can't speak for everyone, but premature is not the end of the world. If you look at several info sites, you will find that there are ways to work through that and especially when first having sex with a lover for the first time, many have issues.
It is much easier to develop a foreplay routine for some. In that case, even if you lose it early, many are able to last longer after the first round and this is when you would utilize the condom as an extra protection.
Later in relationships, the female can be part of the cure.. helping her mate to get close and stop.. get close and stop.. helping you to mentally train yourself to stop worrying about the pre and just relax and hold back.
One of the worst things that many first couples do for some anyway is to practice withdrawl to prevent ejaculation inside your lover. By consciously removing at the climax or when you feel the climax, you could reinforce the feeling that you will climax too early.. as the natural response in a male is to remain and continue to reinforce the feeling of your ejaculating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerfan519

It is much easier to develop a foreplay routine for some. In that case, even if you lose it early, many are able to last longer after the first round and this is when you would utilize the condom as an extra protection.
Later in relationships, the female can be part of the cure.. helping her mate to get close and stop.. get close and stop.. helping you to mentally train yourself to stop worrying about the pre and just relax and hold back.

One of the worst things that many first couples do for some anyways is to practice withdrawl to prevent ejaculation inside your lover. By conciously removing at the climax or when you feel the climax, you could reinforce the feeling that you will climax too early.. as the natural response in a male is to remain and continue to reinforce the feeling of your ejaculating.

I certainly hope that you're not advocating the rhythm method of Birth Control. Do you know what they call people who practise Pulling out? Mommy and Daddy. You don't outright say it, but it is implied as you read your post.

Premature Ejaculation can be worked on, there is nothing mysterious with that. There are products, condoms, desensitising lube, and cock rings to mention a few, that are aimed at allowing the man to last longer.

There might also be the learning that sex is more then just sticking it in, wiggling it around a bit, and then ejaculating for the fellow. One has to include foreplay as well. Touching a woman in just the right ways will excite them, and it might come that she will last just as long as you do when you penetrate her. The thrust of this that intercourse shouldn't be the main action of sex. It is really a small component of the entire act.

That's my two cents worth, ain't worth much more then that.

CravenMorhead thanks for that, that helped a lot. Tigerfan you did too and so did every single person who commented here, thanks so much, after reading and re-reading lots of it I feel a bit more comfortable about it now, and as you said Tigerfan, it's not the end of the world :P

Thanks very much I appreciate the help, if I have any more problems I'll Definitely be letting you guys know <3

Also thanks to both Cats Larken and Jos

:)