I had a miscarriage about three weeks ago. My doctor said it was okay to start having sex again about 4 days ago. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't seem interested. We used to have sex 1-2 times a day before this happened, and now it's been almost a month. Every time I mention it now, he says he's too tired or stressed or there's too much on his mind. I'm starting to believe these are just excuses because I hear them every day. I even tried dressing up in sexy lingerie. That usually gets him, but not this time. How am I supposed to get him in the mood again?

I think he is a little freaked out by the entire miscarriage/pregnancy thing. He might be subconsciously worried that he might hurt you, or that he caused the miscarriage. I assume that the pregnancy was planned.

Have you sat down and asked why? Stress and fatigue are definitely libido killers, though I sense that there is a deeper reason for this.

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Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

I think he is a little freaked out by the entire miscarriage/pregnancy thing. He might be subconsciously worried that he might hurt you, or that he caused the miscarriage. I assume that the pregnancy was planned.

Have you sat down and asked why? Stress and fatigue are definitely libido killers, though I sense that there is a deeper reason for this.

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The pregnancy wasn't planned, but we were looking forward to it. But that's what I think, too. We both know neither of us caused the miscarriage, but I also think he subconsciously think he might hurt me.

When I asked him why, he told me he's "physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally tired," to be exact.

I'm really sorry about the miscarriage, it must be very difficult for both of you. However, remember that all of this happened only 3 weeks ago - you're both essentially in mourning for your loss.

I think that you may need to back off a bit - mainly because you're both grieving in your own individual ways. It seems as if you want sexual reassurance but he wants sexual distance.

It is very typical for men to withdraw into their 'caves' at times like this, and I suspect that dressing up in sexy lingerie will work a lot less well, than simply cooking him a nice meal and being loving and nurturing.

If you feel the need for reassurance - and I have no doubt that you do - perhaps express it in being together, having a bath together, cuddling and doing loving things for each other.

It will all come back - but you do need to give it time. His time may well be very different to yours. Try not to take it personally, don't feel that you need to 'make' him do anything - focus on being kind to yourself .