Ask Me Help Desk - Sister depressed about not knowing her dad.

Sister depressed about not knowing her dad.

I'm wondering if there is anything I can do to make my sister not so depressed. See, she's my half sister because my mom cheated on my dad and got pregnant via drunken one-nightstand. My mother doesn't even remember his name, so I know that I can't really "look him up". But for some reason she's really been dwelling on it lately. Any suggestions on how to cheer her up?

That is a shame, and at some point most people would question who their father was. Do you think your mother is hiding information on him, just to avoid this situation?

Just thinking if it were me, I'd be asking questions too; perhaps your grandmother or aunts know something on your mothers side.

It also depends on how old your step sister is, and whether she is ready to take this a bit further.

I would like to say, help her realize that it is never going to happen, but then, who is to say that her biological father has no idea where she is, and wishes to see her too.

All the possibilities have to be weighed with the possible consequences, and sometimes it can turn sour, and cause all kinds of trouble.

But, as I said, if it were me, I'd ask a few polite questions and see if there aren't any leads.

By the way, where have you been? Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

That is a shame, and at some point most people would question who their father was. Do you think your mother is hiding information on him, just to avoid this situation? No, I don't think she knows or remembers.

Just thinking if it were me, I'd be asking questions too; perhaps your grandmother or aunts know something on your mothers side. No, I kinda doubt they were there.

It also depends on how old your step sister is, and whether or not she is ready to take this a bit further. She's my half sister. She's 22, and she is, I think. She's been talking about it alot lately.

I would like to say, help her realize that it is never going to happen, but then, who is to say that her biological father has no idea where she is, and wishes to see her too. I don't think he knows she exists, like I said, it was a one-night-stand.

All the possibilities have to be weighed with the possible consequences, and sometimes it can turn sour, and cause all kinds of trouble.

But, as I said, if it were me, I'd ask a few polite questions and see if there aren't any leads.

By the way, where have you been?? Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.

All questions have been asked, I'm just wanting to know how to cheer her up since she's been dwelling on this lately. I've been busy with surgery.

Take her to lunch or a concert. She is your sister and I think she's lucky to have you. Talk to your mom. I don't know how I would ever do without my sisters. You're helping her by just being there. Blessings and I love your avatar.

I'm there for her. I might mention that my sister and I live 300 miles apart. I just came back from a visit with her. And that's when I realized she's really dwelling on it. I haven't talked to my mother in 7 years, I don't know where she is. I know she knows I'm there for her, it just seems like she needs more... And thank you about my avy :P

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

I'm there for her. I might mention that my sister and I live 300 miles apart. I just came back from a visit with her. And that's when I realized she's really dwelling on it. I haven't talked to my mother in 7 years, I don't know where she is. I know she knows I'm there for her, it just seems like she needs more...And thank you about my avy :P

It hurts you when you see that she is hurting.. That's what sisters are for. I hope there is someway she can find her father. Doesn't it make you angry that she has to go through this. Of course it does. How about DNA data bases? I don't know very much about how she would go through that process, but maybe someone on this forum can help... Blessings

What about your dad, the man who was there and helped raise her ( assumign there was) this would in all reality be her dad. The man who did a one night stand is not a father, he was not there when she skinned her knee, was not there for her first day of school and so on

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

what about your dad, the man who was there and helped raise her ( assumign there was) this would in all reality be her dad. The man who did a one night stand is not a father, he was not there when she skinned her knee, was not there for her first day of school and so on

Anybody can be father; but it's unconditional love that makes a Daddy. You're right Fr. Chuck.

If there is no way of finding out who the biological father is, then the best thing you can do CM, is help your sister accept that she may never know.

Your sister may always have a degree of sadness about not knowing who he is, and yea it's hard, but faced with a dead end, the only way to peace of mind is acceptance and knowing that there are other people in your life that love you.

Thank you for all the reassurance folks. Our father passed away 9 years ago, he was her Dad in every meaning of the word. She took it just as hard as me, in different ways. Glad to know I have awesome people to give me advice. Thanks all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

Thank you for all the reassurance folks. Our father passed away 9 years ago, he was her Dad in every meaning of the word. She took it just as hard as me, in different ways. Glad to know I have awesome people to give me advice. Thanks all.

Please know you and your sister are in my prayers. Let us know how things go. God Bless You!

Thank you.