Interest Level - The Secret to Creating Attraction
By Bogie62
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You Like Her First... Big Mistake
A common theme in many of the threads in the Lounge goes like this, "I like this girl, how do I get her to like me?" The guy has been smitten by the love bug and now seeks advice on how to win her affections. No matter what advice is provided, the guy is already at a huge disadvantage.

Believe it or not, much of the art of seduction is control. I don't mean rugged male domination, but rather the ability to gain willing compliance. A woman is attracted to a man who is able to control himself and others, specifically her. There is a subtle tug-of-war that occurs between the guy and the girl, each testing the other in an attempt to gain the upper hand of control.

If the girl wins this battle, she'll put the guy in the friend zone and not consider him a potential sexual mate. The reason is simple; if he can't control her, he won't be strong enough to protect her. And protection is the most important attraction trigger in females. All the characteristics that women desire, such as confidence, leadership, etc. are just indicators of the man's ability to protect his mate. In the end, it all boils down to protection. It is hardwired through thousands of years of evolution and no female can change or control it, no matter how much they may deny it.


Why He's At A Disadvantage

He is disadvantaged because he has already lost control of the interaction. His emotional attachment is a powerful tool she will use to gain control over him. She'll make request and he'll jump at the chance to comply. He wants to impress and please her, but he unknowingly is giving her control and destroying his chance of seducing her.

Why do his efforts to impress and please her ultimately turn her off and put him in the friend zone?

If she can quickly and easily seduce his emotions, how resistant can he be to other females? If she chooses him as a sexual mate, she may easily lose his protection to another, more seductive female. If she can easily seduce him, so can other females, therefore he is not a strong potential mate.

This is why a lot of experts on attraction stress the importance of not showing too much interest too early in the seduction process. Your emotional feelings of desire are actually a display of weakness if revealed in the early stages of the seduction.


Her Interest Level Should Seem Higher Than Your Interest Level

If you want to win a girl over, you don't do it by showing how attracted you are to her. In fact, you should display a level of attraction that is slightly less than that shown by the girl. You always want her to perceive that she is slightly more attracted to you than you are to her. She should always believe that she has slightly more emotional investment in the relationship than you do.

This objective accomplishes two important things. Rtant things. First, it puts her in a position to take the lead in the seduction. The art of seduction is the ability to get HER to seduce YOU. Once you create a small level of attraction in her, you encourage her to gradually escalate by staying one step behind her in emotional attachment. That is what we mean by YOU becoming the prize she must win. You are the prize because she has the greater investment. Whoever is less emotionally invested has control.

Secondly, her greater emotional investment helps to assure her continued participation in the seduction. If the seduction ends, she loses more than you because she has more invested. She is subconsciously compelled to continue. And the only way the seduction can continue is by escalating. As long as you maintain an emotional level slightly less than hers, she will automatically and subconsciously pull you through the whole process and right into her bed.


Hook A Set - Hook Your Target

There are two important events I look for in my interactions… two important hooks. The first is when I hook a set. When I enter a group of people that includes a girl I want to seduce, my first objective is to hook that set. The hook is the turning point where the group would rather have me there interacting with them than have me leave. In essence, it is the moment I become wanted by the group.

The second important event is when I hook my target. That is the moment when I have created enough interest and attraction in her that she is willing to display that attraction. It is the moment that I become wanted by her, not as a member of the group, but as an individual. Both of these events occur very quickly in the process. The set should be hooked within five minutes and the target should be hooked within fifteen minutes.

Once you have hooked your target, the game is really over unless you make a drastic error. She will lead the seduction from that point forward if you give her the chance. But remember, she will only lead as long as she believes she has more invested than you.

To summarize, if you start the seduction with a higher emotional investment, you begin at a huge disadvantage. Your emotional attachment will be used as weapon against you in the battle for control. Early displays of attraction are viewed as weakness that will usually turn her off, because if she can win you over easily, so can others. Always display a level of attraction that is slightly less than that displayed by your female target. As long as she believes that she has more invested than you, she will remain in the game and even take the lead.

Good Luck!

Bogie62

Woow... what an article for guys.. great strategies proposed here... and you still have the time to love her while you're watching her falling into your net??

I reckon by the time she has fallen into your trap.. you will be out of love and would probably never have had the opportunity of being genuine to her nor to you feelings.. so what would you have gained... a phD in love strategy without knowing exactly what it is all about and in actual fact... you'd probably never share these special moments should they even not last that long...

I would rather deal with sorrow and pain at having lost someone recover from it knowing that I gave the best to the relationship and dealt with it in a mature manner rather than dealing with the guilt to have used someone... be your true self-- honesty is the key

Sorry Wildcat I disagree here...

Sorry, can't sign off on this one either. Whatever happened with just being yourself?
Too much strategy. If a girl, or young lady makes you jump through all those hoops mentally and emotionally... guess what, not worth the jump.

Nothing in this world is more meaningful, then someone falling in love with who you really are.

I totally agree with the article! For me nothing is worse than a guy looking all googledyeyed and in love after he has just met me!! The best thing for a girl is that the attraction is built up attraction very slowly. Men seem to think that they need to pounce first or someone else will get her, but this is not the way for the girl! He needs to look not so interested, not jump fast and get to know her using deep questions.

I believe that we should know what we want before getting into a relationship and be sure this idea is shared and this can only be done when there is some amount discussions to get to know the other person. When one looses sight of what he/she expects in a relationship therefore it is easy to get lost and the one you're involved with if he/she doesn't stick to what she believe in at the beginning of the relationship and I guess communication helps in monitoring that everything is on good track or not

Unfortunately when it is someone's first love, it is easy to get smitten by a pretty girl/boy and think it is a Cinderella and the prince type of story. If he is googled-eyed over you, chances are that it is out of sheer attraction and innocence. That's where girls.. if you like him.. then try to make him understand nicely how to.. instead of him, guessing and getting twisted in his moves to win you.. and you waiting for him to be behave how you want him to... just think if it had to be the other way round and how you would like to be treated.

Trust, honesty and communication are so important in a relationship from the very beginning

<<Unfortunately when it is someone's first love, it is easy to get smitten by a pretty girl/boy and think it is a Cinderella and the prince type of story. If he is googled-eyed over you, chances are that it is out of sheer attraction and innocence. That's where girls.. if you like him.. then try to make him understand nicely how to.. instead of him, guessing and getting twisted in his moves to win you>>

Yeah that's why here what age you are is important. In 20s people are thinking of fairy tale love, in fact I don't really remember ever communication what I wanted in the 20s , I think I just wanted to live happily ever after! hahaha .

But what has not changed for me, is the guy looking all googled eyed at you from the beginning, this is still a turn off! In fact I just realised this a few weeks ago when I met a guy who used to like me 10 years ago(when he met me first he had this googled eyed look )since then he has changed and is not as naïve looking anymore and I was thinking oh wow what a change here!and wow he's a nice guy! So what I'm trying to say is guys really need to take it slow and not show too much attraction/attention from the beginning.

Lol,

There is surely some elements of truth in the age factor, however you can have loads of influences... especially the cultural ones.. I met this young couple when I was visiting my ex and girls/boys in their cultures get married pretty young.. she was 21 and older by one year than her husband... and so where their parents who brought them up... the social environment matters a lot

Personally, I don't mind making the first move and what I have noticed is that guys like girls who know what they want... Having googled-eyes is all right because even girls do... and it is fun when you recall it together.. what is not okay is if he approaches you in a un-respectfull way.. and that is most of the time among young people due to sheer ignorance and what they have seen in movies... if at that time the girl is mature enough then she can tell him.. coz he truly liked liked her at first sight.. and brushing him off is not the solution whether you like him or not

Wow what an interesting thread,

The original thread has some truth to you it, but maybe you have to take it with a pinch of salt, at the end of the day if you really like a girl, all your doing is hiding it from her and not being honest. Although, on the other hand, this could make sense in the initial stages of a relationship.

Imagine you could take this approach and win the affections of plenty of ladies, but imagine that there will be a fair few (or maybe a small minority, I don't know I'm a bloke) that won't appreciate it and may like the whole love at first site googledyeyed bloke thing. At the end of the day I imagine it will make little difference if you both like each to a similar hmm what word to use? Level? Always found relationships where one partner likes the other more to be the ones that can be difficult and never work out.

I think Wildcat is referring to the early stages of attracting someone and there is quite a bit of truth to this.

When I first met my ex, I showed less interest than she did.. Well, it certainly worked and to be honest, I took this approach because I had used the opposite approach in the past and it does give you a big disadvantage. I also took this approach because at the time, I really quite fancied her and did not want to blow it.

I am not one to play games and I don't agree with playing with someone's emotions but I don't think this qualifies as doing that. It is simply a way of increasing the chance of attracting someone you like.

Things become different though as the feeling turns from simply fancying someone to Loving and deeply caring for someone. When the relationship becomes more serious, there is more to it than doing what is described in Wildcat's post. You are not attracting anymore (in a way) you are working on keeping a healthy, balanced relationship with a person.

So, agreeing with what tomtomtom says, it works initially as a means of attracting someone, but has little use in the subsequent stages of a serious relationship..

This just reminded me about the movie 'Hitch':) Good article, men and women just need that extra know-how on the way to tell someone that they like them.

I think the difference is whether a person is a mature adult, a whole person with a life or life plans at least when they begin dating or not. For those who are fully adult (and I would like to go record here that there are plenty in their 20's who were raised to be adults by then - I know quite a few of them) all this strategy comes rather naturally to them. But for those who reach the dating age and are still immature, have very little life or life plans, and are glaringly short in several emotional categories (ie needy or naive) due to the poor raising they received from their dysfunctional families, all this strategy is not only needed, but more so what is --- is more growing up so that it comes as naturally to them as it does the first group. So as strategy its not bad but I think when things go wrong, more is contributing to that than any strategy is capable of curing. While they can act their way into right thinking, sooner or later they must take on more than the act. The bottom line to me is "children" shouldn't date regardless of their age-- they are simply too ill-equippped to deal successfully with an adult activity.

I agree, the maturity level has to be something high; so many take relationships for granted and treat them like yesterday's newspaper. They have no idea about the impact the pain AND love they give to someone can have. They don't know how much it takes to keep a relationship strong or the amount of work it takes from BOTH people, and from that we see the problems of cheating, being dumped because one person needed a break, one night stands that can ruin lives, and so on. Here's the really sad thing: These are the same people who refuse to take heed to really good advice, warning signs or just take the time to listen to someone who has been in their exact spot. They learn lessons the hard way, all because the "I know everything." part of their ego interfered.

I knew the ladies wouldn't like it. So what. It's true.

Women never like stuff like this - but, guess what - this is what women need.

People Want What They Can't Have. Always.

This stuff is only in the initially stages to create attraction and ensure you do not become too invovled too early on or becoem obsessed or like her a little too much too early on.

You show too much interest you lose.

Wildcat - spell check - use it. :)

Thanks.

Again guys - this article for you to understand what women are thinking. Don't be oem too needy or too interested too early - she may be dating 2 other guys etc.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

she may be dating 2 other guys etc.

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Would not want to be dating a woman like that..

Can kind of see the logic in it though (why some women (as well as men) may do that kind of thing)..

Don't agree with that though even in the early stages of dating.

Maybe in the United Kingdom, we have a different definition of what dating is perhaps.

Either way, I don't agree with dating more than one woman at once and I don't believe the rules are any different for the opposite sex.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

I knew the ladies wouldn't like it. So what. It's true.

Women never like stuff like this - but, guess what - this is what women need.

People Want What They Can't Have. Always.

This stuff is only in the initially stages to create attraction and ensure you do not become too invovled too early on or becoem obsessed or like her a little too much too early on.

You show too much interest you lose.

---

I didn't say I didn't like it Wildcat... see, some of what is doesn't work in this type of discussion is the overgeneralise you use, like you did in the cheaters discussion. Some ladies didn't like it-- is more the case. There is more diversity here than you are recognising. I like the strategies just fine and I am a lady too (at least last time I checked LOL). But I will reiterate in case you missed the point I was making: if improperly weighted or made out to be more significant than it really is, it becomes like a band-aid on a gash the size of the grand canyon. I like band-aids too, just in case you are wondering LOL :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Would not want to be dating a woman like that..

Can kind of see the logic in it though (why some women (as well as men) may do that kind of thing)..

Don't agree with that though even in the early stages of dating.

Maybe in the United Kingdom, we have a different definition of what dating is perhaps.

Either way, I don't agree with dating more than one woman at once and I don't believe the rules are any different for the opposite sex.

---

Same here in Canada, you date one person at a time. I wouldn't want to be involved with someone who was dating several guys at once.

Mixed feelings here.

Compatibility is not the same as attraction. But... you don't usually analyze the first if the second isn't there. Taken, as I think it was intended, as a way to keep a potential partner interested, there's a lot that's true here... even if its written in chest-thumping, military verbage (target, objectives of getting target within 15 min timetable (laughable))

Had one great relationship fall apart early on cause I was WAY too much of a buddy and not enough challenge for her, but only saw that in hindsight. We even talked about this a few years later... kind of the what happened to us talk over a beer when we ran into each other once... to this day I know if id acted more like the guy she initially wanted to date and less like a girlfriend (hours of talking) we would both have probably enjoyed a great relationship, at least for a time. Not saying meaningful talk is bad here folks, but she had friends to talk to about her ex, etc... what she really wanted from me in those early months were distraction, spontaneity, the excitement of someone new... turns out I think we were compatible on most of the long lasting things, but I completely lost her, practically bored her, on the front end. Oops.

Confidence inspires attraction on both sides, and the sexual cat and mouse games are half the fun in the beginning.

Now... am I playing these games with my partner now that I'm happily married for 6 years? Not so much. The relationship is at a different place, has different needs.

So yeah, I hate the one-thing-fits-all approach. And if it weren't written in the alpha male context, itd be easier to stomach. Some valid points lost there in the #@!%-waving. Too many guys, and girls, write in here, citing endless love for some person they've dated maybe two weeks. Trying way to hard.

I have a hard time with the don't date until you are an "adult" position. There's no magic "turkey button" to pop out when you are finally "ready". All the experiences I had, even the bad, preceding dating my wife I think made me a better mate for her. Did I pick up some baggage on the way as I was growing emotionally? Yeah. I think it taught me about life. I had to date to find out. Likewise, I've seen my daughter make some "mistakes" along the way, when dating in HS and early college... but in the end, I think she knows herself better now. I'm ramblin off topic now.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kp2171

i have a hard time with the dont date until you are an "adult" position. theres no magic "turkey button" to pop out when you are finally "ready". all the experiences i had, even the bad, preceding dating my wife i think made me a better mate for her. did i pick up some baggage on the way as i was growing emotionally? yeah. i think it taught me about life. i had to date to find out.

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Many good points made in your post KP and I laughed with the turkey popper part LOL (it appears some of the guys are critical too WC - sorry, I couldn't resist that!) But let me clarify that I am not taking a black and white stance... there is of course a transition stage from child to adult where dating may occur. But it should occur with a little parental guidance involved to help ease those lessons. I am sure you and your wife know what I mean. And young adults, while still adult, are inexperienced and some of that will cause more lessons to be learned too - hopefully ones that they can feel free to discuss with their friends and familty too. I am not opposed to any of that. But it is the unsupervised kids and the really immature adults with no means of learning that make for the more serious concerns -- unwanted pregnancies, really shattered trusts, people lied to and used in the most cavalier manners, etc. that I was thinking of when I said what I did about "children" ought not be cut loose in the dating arena.