I am 24 years old working in TCS in Mumbai.My mother has anger issues.I know she means the world for me.She loves me a lot and is always worried about my well being.She wants me to go for MBA.I also want that.The problem is when she gets very angry or upset with me she will berate me with worst comments.These lower myself confidence.She calls me in office or sometimes if I call her during office hours and she has found an issue to be angry on me,she will go on and on and on about it,telling me how I have destroyed my life,how I am at bottom as compared to other friends of mine doing MBA.After these sessions I feel like crying but I can't as I am in office.Sometimes I feel she didn't want me as her daughter.My dad tells me to ignore her.I am very hurt as today I told her that dad gave me 15000 for mba preparaton classes.Then she started shouting at me as to how worthless I am that I can't save money.I kept down the fone on her.Her behaviour was so mean.If she doesn't want to help me monetarily how can I get myself to study.I felt so bad and so cheap.Agreed I am earnimg but I don't have money rite now for tuition classes.Does that mean I should stop preparing till I have money of my own!! She keeps on berating me what I have done for her or the home and keeps on making comparisons.My peace of mind is lost.Please help.

Could it be your mother has some health problems she can't deal with and this is a reverbation of them ? Your Father gave you the money in good faith and if your mother was in her right mind, she would see it that way too. You must get out of the apron strings and just take these comments at face value and consider where it is coming from. Just agree with her, be peaceful when talking to her and don't appear upset at her comments. In other words, become your own person and take pride in what you have accomplished. You know your own worth.

tick

You can't change another adults behaviour or attitude. Nor can you interpret her words how she thinks they sound, to what you actually hear. Some parents think they have a right to belittle and put down their children, as a way of controlling their actions. Some parents think they are putting appropriate pressure on their kids so they do better for their own sake. It's a bit twisted to think a parent behaves this way while having the best intentions for their children. It is so much easier just to be kind.

It is not easy to deflect that kind of attitude, when it comes directly at you, out of the blue. I think your mother is set in her ways, and it is fair to say you will likely have much more of this until you get your MBA, and move on into your own place.

Try to balance out what she says, with what she probably means, and realize that positive reinforcement is not on the agenda. You know that you are worthy of love, we all are, and take the fact that she does love you as you've said, and do your best to let the rest go. Stay on track with your studies, confide in your father when you're feeling sad or depressed, and before you know it, you will be independent.

Tuck all the negativity away, and focus on all the good things that are coming your way. If this is the price you have to pay for a good education, and a bright future, so be it.

Bless your heart! I think you are doing the best you can and very well I might add. Has your mother always been this way:confused:Do you live at home? I hope things get better for you! Seems to me your're the kind of daughter any mother would be proud :):):):


Thank God for our Daddies!!

Your mother obviously has personality problems of her own. However, you have the choice about whether to speak to her (or not) and you can choose how to respond.

Don't take her calls or make calls to her when you're at work. Let her know that you're not able to take personal calls at work any more. If you are talking to her and she starts yelling and being unreasonable, just tell her that you can't talk to her any more and will talk to her at another time when she's feeling calmer.

Avoid getting angry or upset, and don't hang up on her. Keep your voice even and calm and quietly say to her that you are not able to continue the conversation when she shouts at you or insults you. Say that you'll be happy to talk to her when she's in a better frame of mind. Then gently put the phone down and don't take any further calls. (If you're at home - go to another room, or leave the house if you have to.)

Her bad behavior will continue if you continue to respond the same way. So, change your response - she'll hate it and make it worse for you initially, but once she understands you're not prepared to listen to all her 'stuff' any more, she'll (hopefully) ease off.

Your mum clearly has her own issues, but if you take her insults and criticisms as being true then you'll continue to feel upset and hurt. Taking charge of how you respond to her moods will help you feel more empowered, and hopefully shift the dynamic between you.

As others have said your mother has problems. I would suggest that if she starts getting abusive, you get out of the conversation. "Well, Mom, I know your opinion on this so I'm going to go. I'll talk to you another time". Then hang up. If she starts in on you in person, have a means to leave - "well, I'm not going to have this talk again mother so, I love you but I am going to go now." If she recognizes that her harping ends the visits, she hopefully will learn to stop. If not, at least you've limited your exposure to hurt.

Your mother is making your life miserable. There is something she resents and it could be you're doing all the things she didn't.
You are smart, have a good job, furthering your education. I think
She should lighten up and see all the good things about you. Hang in there sweetie, we're here for you!:);)

Had to spread the rep Kitkat, but that is a really good point. Our OP is doing all the right things that her mother never did.

Jealousy knows no bounds.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

Had to spread the rep Kitkat, but that is a really good point. Our OP is doing all the right things that her mother never did.

Jealousy knows no bounds.

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Ain't it the truth! I'm thinking this young lady will have it all. She sounds like someone any parent would be proud of.