All,

It saddens me to mutter these specific words but it happened and I am deeply sadened, lonely, and feel like the biggest looser in the world.

After a drunken night out I found myself in a compromising situation. I had a lot to drink and slept in a friends (not really friends anymore) house. I was too drunk to get a cab so I passed out on the couch.

I woke up to find this friend rubbing me, one thing led to another and we were having sex. It suddenly hit me that I was doing the wrong thing, in the wrong place at the wrong time, with the wrong people. I stopped (sex) and bolted out.

The reason for the wrong-ness is that I have a girlfriend whom I love deeply.

I told her what happened a few days later and she was and is devastated especially after we promised to not have sex until we were ready.

We've had a few hiccups along the line (been dating for 2yrs) but never this bad.

I know what I did was wrong and I have owned up. She has asked for timeoff and is deeply hurt.

I don't want to loose her, what can I do to convince her that I'm a changed man?

There's is not much you can do,she's needs time to process what has happened.

Give her that time,either she will want to try again,or walk away.

I don't feel there is any point beating you over the head about drink etc.

You did the right thing by telling her.

You just have to wait it out now,see what she comes back with.

Prepare yourself for the fact she may not want to continue with the relationship.

It's a real sad place to be. I really don't want to move forward.

What if she gives me another chance?

She's really tight with my sis, will this help?

Hello,

You asked, "What can I do to convince her I'm a changed man?" Time!!

Telling her what you did was a good thing! Honesty is the best policy!

I think that you should give her some time and space that she has requested.

Time will tell.

As big of an comment I am about to say, you don't deserve her. Plain and simple.

Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship.. It's up to her to take you back, and it will take a lot of work and a lot of years for you to regain her trust, which is necessary to have a healthy relationship.
It makes you wonder, though, if you knew this woman was your “soul mate”, why would you cheat on her? You have to figure out that first before putting her through any more trauma. And I would recommend fixing that before doing anything, because cheating is not a problem with your partner, it's a problem with you, and until it's fixed you're in no place to be in a relationship with anybody.

Being drunk isn’t an excuse and you shouldn’t use it as one. You’re old enough to drink, you’re old enough to realize that you made the decision all by yourself to first drink the alcohol to the point of passing out and hooking up with another girl.

Give her time and space and be fully prepared to live with the idea that she may never forgive you.

First of all, instead of beating a dead horse and degrading your behavior, I have to say that I am really impressed you came clean and told her. Regardless of your mistakes, it takes true character and courage to tell someone this - so kudos to you man.

The only thing we can do in life is admit and own up to our mistakes and let the rest take care of itself. You accomplished the first step, which is more than most people ever do. As the others say, just respect her wishes and give her time to cope with her own feelings of hurt and betrayal. I don't know what the outcome of this will be, but I am certain that you are aware of your mistake and you have done the right thing. Good for you. Be patient and try to see if you can't stay away from the booze for awhile. Alcohol ain't for everyone my man!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

First of all, instead of beating a dead horse and degrading your behavior, I have to say that I am really impressed you came clean and told her. Regardless of your mistakes, it takes true character and courage to tell someone this - so kudos to you man

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I totally agree with this, you definitely did the right thing in telling her the truth. You knew there would be consequences but when you admit to cheating you have already taken the first step toward making amends and, if nothing else, I'm sure she can respect that.

I think you should just wait.I also agree that being honest was the thing to do. But don't think this is enough or even that it could be a reason for her to forgive.I'm sure she will respect that you made amend but this will not help her to forget the image of you and this other girl together and especially when you didn't even make love with her because you wanted to wait until you were ready...

All you can do is give her space and time and hope that she'll forgive you.

The ball is in her court now.

Sorry this happened to you. Personally I like to drink with my girl to make sure nothing stupid like that happens. Sounds like you didn't mean to do it but she I'm sure is having a hard time believeing that. And on top of that she may feel like you did this because she wouldn't give it up. You got to try and help her through it but you have to keep a slight distance. I hope this works out for you. Just let her know how much you love her.

I think you wait, and let her deal with this in her own way. You have done your part and admitted your mistake so now give her time to process what has happened.

Thanks for all the advice. I'll wait and pray she forgives.

Will update you guys on what happens.

So I sent my girl flowers even though she said she wanted her space.

She called me this morning. I'm delighted to say we have a lunch date today.

I hope she can eventually forgive me.

Keep you all posted.

I hope it goes well-dont overwhelm her,but let her do the talking is my advice.

Good luck.

Thanks amicon.

It went very well. She said she has forgiven me. I only wish I knew how to stop her from hurting. She's still hurt, she cries when we talk about it. I pray it will stop one day soon.

All, I don't wish this for anyone, the lesson I have learnt is simple: if you play with fire you will get burnt and you may not be as lucky as me.

This forum is a God send.

First off, most people would tell you that you can't fix this. If you love her WIN HER HEART. Send her flowers, roses, something sweet. Wash her car, shovel her drive way, write her a poem. Whatever you do, DO IT FAST! Your window of opportunity is closing. Hurry before her heart mends itself leaving you out and as the bad guy. I'm not saying what you did was right, just that it was a moment of weakness and everyone deserves a second chance.

Very important to remember that yes she may have forgiven you , but , this will stick with her for a long time.

Just don't think it all just goes away like that , be prepared for some tough times , but if you truly love each other and you can help her to win back the trust you may just be able to work through it.

Good Luck!!

Just for the record, I think for you to actually stop having drunken sex IN THE MIDDLE, because even while intoxicated you knew that is was wrong, is HUGE in my book. And then you came clean. That's ENORMOUS. Not many guys would have done even half of that.

You made a mistake, you know that. But now you are going to have to ensure her that it will NEVER happen again. That means no more alcohol with friends. That means you are going to have to go "above and beyond" to regain the ground that you've lost.

I've been in your shoes. Over twenty years ago. But I didn't stop, and I didn't tell. But I still got caught. And I blew the make-up. I'm still giving HER space.

But I think that it all made me a better husband. Eleven years and counting. I refuse to put myself into a position now where I will be tested. And I no longer drink alcohol. That helps.

Good luck.

She's going to have to work through this at her own pace,it can't be rushed.

Rebuilding trust takes time.

Time to be the best possible man you can be.