My girlfriend and I dated for 2 1/2 years and have been living together for almost 2 of those 2 1/2, of which most of that time we argued and fought. We recently had a violent argument and she left for her friends place. She came back after the weekend and said we were done. For the past week I spent my time correcting myself, keeping busy and reflecting. She noticed a huge change in my behavior, actions and overall demeanor and was impressed. Over the past week or so we've been hanging out, going out to dinner and such, cuddling and sleeping in the same bed again. A couple days ago we were cuddling, I tried kissing her and she freaked out saying that we shouldn't be doing this and that we aren't getting back together. The entire rest of that morning was spent by me professing my love for her, how I feel we could be together again and that I have sincerely changed for good. She kept strong and insisted that she can't get back together with me and that she's sorry for seeing me so sad. The days since that morning we have still been hanging out, cuddling and sharing a bed. Why, if she is stead fast against us getting back together does she act like we are still dating essentially? She also makes little comments suggestive towards her not wanting me to be with other girls, like she still wants me to herself. Does she secretly still want me but is waiting longer to see a change in me? She seemed adamantly against us being a couple ever again.

In my opinion she’s saying that she does still like you and may be attracted to you, but doesn’t want to be with you. She only wants to keep you around as a back up plan, then if she doesn’t find someone she likes better she’ll come back to you. In other words, she doesn’t want you right now but doesn’t want to risk losing you in case she has a change of heart.


Accept this and live your life as if you were broken up for good. Move out and move on - Date other girls. Don’t hang out with her and don’t contact her. Maybe once you see this as it really is you’ll find that it is you who doesn’t want her anymore. Either way, this girl has cut you loose; it’s about time you did the same.

SHe is using you right now for her comfort, and that is all!

I agree with dyno. You are her pillow right now. After two years it is hard for her to cope without you and thus is using you being that you are the only person that she can lay her head on. I doubt you'll ultimately get back together and I suggest leaving and seeing other people but I also suggest taking time to yourself cause this break is going to hurt when it is finally finalized. She needs to find comfort in another, perhaps friends or family. It is odd to think that not only did she break up with you but she also used you as the rebound guy too.

On the otherhand it could be that she is just scared that you will fall back into your old ways as soon as you get the boyfriend title back and she finds that she likes the new you that isn't her boyfriend. You need to stand and tell her that it needs to end if it is ending. You are no longer a couple and you can't share a bed with someone you aren't with. Chances are she misses you right now and either she will get used to not having you in bed or she will find she misses you too much and take you back.

After a breakup this is quite common, however it can be very confusing and hurtful. It sounds to me like your ex is enjoying the fact that she can have you whenever she wants without the responsibilities of a full relationship. She is hanging on until something better comes along. She’s trying to have her cake and eat it too…she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore, but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either.

This can often drag on for a long time while you’re sitting there hoping the day comes when she will finally want to get back together with you. Often however, this doesn’t happen. Whether your ex is guilty or innocent of deliberately stringing you along, you need to know where you stand and draw a line to protect yourself from getting hurt.

Why were you fighting all the time? You say you spent most of your time with her like that. Think about that.

And yes, you're done. She said it, then proved it later. There's no hanging out or sleeping together. Sorry.

I guess you didn't get that one. She wants the things she wants from you. You have different wants. Especially now that its over.

Go NC right now.

Just because you've broken up, doesn't mean that she can cut contact with you overnight. It takes time to distance yourself from an ex.

Seems clear that she doesn't want to work on the relationship anymore.

You might ask why she's still sleeping on the same bed and cuddling with you? That's because you let it happen. Just because you let it happen, doesn't mean that she wants to get back with you.

I know it's difficult for you to let her go, since she's still living with you. But as long as she's still living with you, you're going to continue to have false hope that you can still get back together. Furthermore, it's clear that you're not ready to let her go, so for us to tell you to go into 100% NC would probably be fruitless.

So ultimately, you're going to keep pursuing and hopefully she will realize that she's leading you on. In which case, she can cut you loose, by moving out permantently, so that you can move on with your life.

Sounds like you're letting it all happen. You both don't communicate. Fighting all the time.

She said its done but not done. She's either in or out.

Not in-between. Same with you now.

Kick her out & go NC. Asap.

Let you both figure out what you want. We all like the good stuff, but sometimes don't deal with the bad. (ie: What's wrong?)

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She also makes little comments suggestive towards her not wanting me to be with other girls, like she still wants me to herself

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You poor fool, why do you allow yourself to be used for the entertainment of another? You had and still have a chance to walk away from her BS, and do your own thing.

Disappear from her life.