My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He is a few years younger than me and I have kids. His ex girlfriend is a few years younger than him and thus pretty much still a teenager. We live in a small town and everyone is connected in many ways making situations more complicated. A couple months after we got together I had broken up with him during a fight. He went to her house and slept with her. We ended up working things out. I still consider it somewhat of an infidelity as our issues were so fresh and unresolved but I chalk it up to him being younger and more inexperienced than I. he promises that he loves me and wants to be with me and it was a mistake. She continues even 8 months later to send messages to his email, Facebook and phone saying she loves him and berrating me. She gets her friends to do this as well... she even hacked into his accounts and put herself as an alternate contact. She posts old pictures of her and him on her Facebook with love messages. She also lives across the street! Many of our friends are also with her. Now we stay fairly secluded to avoid any drama. Near christmas he texted with her for a period, but he says it was innocent. He says she is crazy. I think the fault lays with both of them. He hasn't shut that door... he says sending her "stop" messages won't help but encourage.
Sometimes I am so obsessed by this its all I can think about. We are always driving by each other... she says in her messages that he stares at her... I have never been insecure, I know I am a good woman, pretty, smart and loyal and I have opportunity knocking all the time ( by men who would appear much more promising) but I don't engage.( have been married and I am not a judgemental or material person. I would much rather have love and be poor than have everything and be miserable. Ive been there. However our relationship is risky on any level just because he is younger but he swears he wants the responsibility and commitment. I can't seem to pull myself from him, but I can't trust him either which will destroy us anyway. So why am I still here? Is it the challenge? Is it love? Is it loyalty? Can we work to repair that trust? Am I being naïve in believing that he made some faux pas' in the name of nostalgia and anger while learning what commitment truly is? Can I ever trust him again?I would love some objective opinions please

He has to be the one to put a stop to her antics, but is probably too immature to handle the situation. You may have to cut your losses and move on from him and the drama from her. Is it really worth it to put up with this. From the way you put your case across in your post, it would seem that you have your head screwed on properly, so why bother with immaturity. Would it be all that hard to drop him completely ?

Tick

Listen I have said this tons of times on here now. My fiancé is a 36 yr old woman, I am a 24 yr old man. I did the same thing, we worked it out, and are together and happy now. Still planning on marriage this summer. I however was smarter and killed the contact with my ex. I suggest you make him stop or leave. If he is still talking to her there is always another chance for heartbreak for you. He has to know that you are not going to take that type of thing any longer. And take it one step at a time, even now you probably aren't over this. My cheat was several months ago and my fiancé is still hurting bad because of it. I will never do that to her again, I actually haven't even looked twice at another woman because hurting her hurt me way too much. There is something about seeing a woman cry because of you that just shatters your heart. I still well up with sorrow when I think about the look on her face.

Your feelings of discomfort about your boyfriend are very understandable. You say you can’t seem to pull yourself away from him and want to know if it’s because you love him. Love isn’t enough. Evaluate yourself if you’re feeling true love or just a sort of dependency to him. Are you so afraid of being alone that you’re willing to sacrifice your own happiness? In all honesty, you sound miserable with him.

You say you’re obsessed with this and it’s all you think about. You can’t trust him, that means, ultimately, you shouldn’t be together. You can't police a partner every minute of the day and it's exhausting to try.

IF he tells her to stop, I don't get how your BF thinks that is encouraging her? Lol That is ridiculious thing to say!
If he says STOP, ignores her, and if she still doesn't get the message, Tell her off and ignore her more. SHe is ruining your guys relationship. ANd if he isn't trying to put a stop to it, I would be putting a hault on the relationship.
He can't control what his ex's does, but by NOT even trying to stop it. That is indirectly encouraging her

Seems pretty clear that he's still hooked on his ex girlfriend, especially considering that he went to her place while you were on a break.

If he really cared about you, he wouldn't jepordize his relationship with you by staying in constant contact with his ex.

Seems like he's holding on to both of you to see which one will work out, since he can't decide himself.

Quit letting him lead you on and cut him loose. You deserve better.

It seems he can't make his mind up.

Make the decision for him and walk away.

Tell him to tell her to stop or change his number, if he can't do that then you have to walk away

Its clear he is unable to stop his ex from harassing you, or is unwilling to do what it takes. Your absolutely right, this is tearing you apart and whatever reason you stay will soon not be enough.

If outside forces come between you, and you can't resolve it together, what's the point of staying in this situation?

Let the kids play their games without you. It may not be easy, but necessary.

I'm having the same problem.. u should just leave him, because what if later in the relationship.. u 2 want 2 take things further and get married... then your married and this guy ends up f**king his ex... not cool. And trust me.. it will happen... over and over again. He wants to keep you around because he knows you love him and don't want to leave, but he talks to her too because he still deep down wants her, but is afraid if he gets wit her they will break up again. So your his safety zone girl.. not good in this case.