Well To Give A Little Heads Up On What Happened... Before We Were Dating She Knew Most Of My Family For A While And That's How I Met Her. Well We Were Dating For About 6-7 Months And Then Out Of The Blue She Said She Is Getting Too Stressed Out With Her Issues In Her Life And My Insecuritys . Now I Haven't Contacted Her At All But She Will Send Me A Text Message Saying Hi And Little Stuff Like That.. Now It Has Been A Week And A Half And Its Now My Birthday And She Called Me And Said That Her, Her Mom And My Family Are All Taking Me Out.. I Was Kind of Shocked To Hear All That And Afterwords I Realized That Its Going to Be A Little Awkward At Dinner. Do You Think It Would Be Right To Try To Contact Her Before Dinner And Talk About Our Relationship? I Just Wanted To Ask Her If Were Taking A Little Break Or We Are Done, Because I Still Have A lot Of Feelings For Her And Care About Her A lot And It Will Just Twist My Heart To Be Around Her And Not Be With Her. I Don't Think I Could Be Friends With Someone I Was That Close To. Should I Wait Till After Dinner? Any Other Advise I Could Use Before I Go To Dinner And What To Do After The Situation?

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Originally Posted by volcomfox1284

I Just Wanted To Ask Her If Were Taking A Little Break Or We Are Done, Because I Still Have Alot Of Feelings For Her And Care About Her Alot And It Will Just Twist My Heart To Be Around Her And Not Be With Her. I Dont Think I Could Be Friends With Someone I Was That Close To. Should I Wait Till After Dinner? Any Other Advise I Could Use Before I Go To Dinner And What To Do After The Situation??

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You are actually right in wanting an understanding of what is happening here.. You need to know if this is a permanent break or just a temporary split while she has some space to herself to work things out.

Also, I think it is really a good thing that you understand the extreme difficulty in trying to maintain any friendship with someone you care so much for.

She sounds a bit confused and perhaps something is pushing her away. Communication may be key here but also don't smother her too much or put any pressure on her. This will push her further away. Giving her space may be the ingredient that is required here.

I'm not entirely sure about whether you should bring this up before the dinner or after, either way, you are going to have to deal with this. If you ask her before, you might spoil the dinner and if you ask her after, it will just be playing on your mind throughout the dinner and her Mum and your family might suspect something is wrong.

Stick around on here and you will get further advice!

I have a question here... how did it go from dating to an exclusive relationship with major feelings involved and was this a mutually felt and agreed upon thing? As far as I can see, you were and still are dating... unless you don't care to date her anymore? As for the dinner, it's a group thing so she feels a little safer with you perhaps? If a guy got too heavy too fast just dating a girl, I would advise her to do exactly what she did. Back up and attempt a regroup with some brakes applied.

You may be making uneccessarily heavy going of this when dating isn't about that. And if it was a relationship, well too much too fast is usually fatal, I am sorry to report to you. One only needs to read a few dozen threads here to see that.

Yeah, but it's pretty hard to just "date" someone for 6-7 months don't you think? At least for me, that's a pretty long time for just "dating". Were you guys dating other people at the same time? Then val is right.

Otherwise, I think 6-7 months of exclusive dating requires 2-3 months of no contact once the ball's been dropped. Meaning don't talk about the relationship at all until a couple months at least. And if you can handle seeing her without getting emotional (which is near impossible for most people) then go for it. Otherwise, no contact at all. And especially on your birthday. It's a day you want to enjoy, not end in some dramatic episode with your EX.

Also, this is not the advice others will give you, but in my opinion all relationships are different and each has it's own flow. In some cases you can experience the emtions and intensity in 2 months which may require 2 years or never be felt with someone else. Sometimes a connection is very strong. But in general, it is safe to say that slow is better than fast for relationships. But that does not mean that in certain circumstances fast will not work. Sometimes people just click and keep on clicking. Nothing wrong with that.

That's just me though.

I Would not bring up the relationship at all. Go there have a great time, talk to her family, laugh , make jokes, let her see what a great guy you are who is not insecure! And let her wonder why you didn't ask to get back with her! Leave with a smile on your face and let her contact you the next time!! Or wait a month before you contact her.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

I have a question here.... how did it go from dating to an exclusive relationship with major feelings involved and was this a mutually felt and agreed upon thing? As far as I can see, you were and still are dating..... unless you don't care to date her anymore? As for the dinner, its a group thing so she feels a little safer with you perhaps? If a guy got too heavy too fast just dating a girl, I would advise her to do exactly what she did. Back up and attempt a regroup with some brakes applied.

You may be making uneccessarily heavy going of this when dating isn't about that. And if it was a relationship, well too much too fast is usually fatal, I am sorry to report to you. One only needs to read a few dozen threads here to see that.

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Sorry we were past the dating thing a while ago. We were in the relationship for 6-7 months

OK so go tonight and be strong, make jokes as I said , tease her, laugh, tell her some exciting things you have been doing this week(mysteriously! ). Let her think "oh he seems so fine without me" then you will have her calling again, I can bet.

Do not in any way ask her what's going on or that you are sad or anything like that!! That will make her run to the nearest exit!!

And don't go there all nervous looking, when you meet her be confident!! And happy!!

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Originally Posted by rol

then you will have her calling again, i can bet.

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I wouldn't bet on that. Don't expect anything. You'll feel much better without any expectations. Expectation lead to heartache. Personally, I'd avoid here, because you'll always have expectations of her which is normal. And when she doesn't deliver what you expect, you'll just feel unnecessarily bad or angry.

And please remember, the advice here maybe good, but advice is much easier to hear than follow. In the case of emotions, people often times do the worng thing, even when they know what the right thing is. Avoid her, then you won't have to worry about what you're doing or how to act. You shouldn't have to watch your step on your birthday for some girl who DUMPED you which is the reality of it all.

She's being nice and friendly with you, but you still want her as your girlfriend. Those two things at this time cannot mix. I will bet $1000 on this for sure, that she is being NICE, but is not doing this to be your girlfriend again; at least not now.

NO TOUGH QUESTIONS DUDE!! NONE - I am quite sure that's wha thas gotten you in trouble to begin with. NONE!!

Be the fun guy - go out to dinenr and laugh. Be the guy you were when you first met.

For get those tough questions - ALL THEY DO IS PROVIDE Pressure!! WOMEN HATE Pressure!!

IF YU WANT HER BACK - NO TOUGH QUESTIONS EVER. Don't be so available - and quit being so needy - me naren't needy - she never wants needy and insecure.

Go and have fun at diner - LAUGH - no expectatiosn what so ever.

Actually,

I am more inclined now to go along with Rol and Wildcats advice more so than my own. I still maintain the giving her space, not smothering her though.

I think I was looking into this perhaps too deeply.. Wildcat and Rol are right, be that fun guy, don't complicate the matter.

Ilovecali made a good point also about not having too many expectations whilst doing this.

At the risk of being contrary I would have to gracefully say NO! It would be different if you were just dating, but if you are broken up, well I don't see why they would be giving you a party for your birthday. Maybe she has a change of heart, ( I doubt it) or wants to keep you in her life as a friend, (likely) either way its not in your best interest to play any games with your feelings right now. Whatever her agenda , think of yours first. She dumped you and I'm sure you remember how that felt.

I'm confused either way now :confused: , both tal and wildcat make valid points about your situation.

Wildcat and rol's advice gears your actions more towards the playing it the right way in the hope to get her back. This however carries the risk of you playing games with your own feelings (as tal says) and getting burned in the process (possibly)

Tal makes a good point in saying that you must remember that she hurt you by dumping you and you are at risk of hurting yourself more if you play it the former way.

I think you need to take all of this advice and decide which route you think is really best to follow given the circumstances and what risks you are willing to take.

Probably best sometimes not to look at things so deeply but I always find if you don't then you end up making impulsive decisions you regret!

<<Wildcat and rol's advice gears your actions more towards the playing it the right way in the hope to get her back. This however carries the risk of you playing games with your own feelings (as tal says) and getting burned in the process (possibly)
>>

Yeah, just depends how strong the guy is really. For me I would have no problem doing the above, in fact I already did it . She does seem to be putting him in friend zone for now, so maybe he would be better doing the 2-3 month no contact thing.

really I can feel what you are going thrw because I`ve been in the 2 places
yours and her`s
if u really still have this feelings for here don't let her go..
stay around...
I know its hard for u to stay like that but I think she needs a break,, because she still cares about u and want to saty close to u...
if u think u can't wait until she takes that time she needs to take..
ask her before that dinner... coz I don't think u want to spend your birthday with this strange stuation...
call her and make things clear because u have that right to do that..
but try to take it esay... sometimes we r in love deeply with thins guy... but when things start to go cruzy we tend to back off.
but it don't mean that its over... u have to try more if that feelings z diving u to...
hope I did something good...

FYI HURTY I am a girl, don't PM me about how I must hate girls ha ha

<<I'm confused either way now , both tal and wildcat make valid points about your situation.>.

YEAH IM A Bit confused also... so Tal you think he should (should have gone) and shown that he was sad?

I'm not saying he should play games but a confident , funny attitude is what I think really attracts girls, so would this not be the best way to get her to see him in a new light?

I think he has a shot if she's taking him to dinner. He just needs to clean up his act and quit acting like he cares so much.

Dude - the tough questions are for the women to ask. You play it cool and have fun and make her laugh!!

<<the tough questions are for the women to ask>>

I have never in my life asked a tough question ;-) These are for the men... but when the timing is good of course and he sees the interest!


So how was the dinner finally??

Well I met up with them and I played cool as much as I can and had a good time even though there were thoughts going through my head. After words when I got home she had sent me a text message saying "happy birthday hope you had a good time" so I ended up calling her and thanking her for the gift and then I started talking about our relationship. Our conversation was OK she said that there is just so much confusion going on in her life that she doent want me to feel un-wanted and left out because of her retardedness on being able to figure out the chages in her life. She also said that we can't just take a break because she doesn't want to lead me on through her troubles. I told her I understand becasause I don't want to have "im kinda in a relationship" in the back of my mind. She does want to stick around and still be my friend for now and I said to her that being a friend with some one you had a intimate relationship with is really hard to work out and will be hard on me at least. She has no idea on when she will be settled down or if she will ever get things straighted out in her life. It is really sad for me because I did so much for her and cared about her a lot. The thing is I would take her back in a heart beat but I don't want it to mess up my social life waiting for her. Overall I really want things to work out for her because she is a great person and if we happen to get back together that would be great because things really worked out bettween us.

Yea Just Go Do What You Have To Do And Then At A Later Date Call Or Talk To Her About Your Break Thing.