Hi all, apologize up front for the size of this post

I'm a 27 year old bloke and never ever been on one of these things before, but thought submitting a post would help me vent my frustration and help recover from the most annoying and confusing break up I've ever had and take the strain off friends and flat mates who I don't want to continually talk to about this too.

Basically had been seeing this girl for about 7 weeks, after 3 thought I'd make it official and let her know that my intentions weren't solely based around a short term fling. She was really really happy and said yes and we've spent the last 4 weeks together as a couple. Only known her for 7 weeks now and we've been spending a fair bit of time together without going too o.t.t. doing all kinds of crazy and interesting things and getting to know each other better. Things appeared to be going great and up to a few days ago she was really affectionate, wanted to see me loads, was talking about loads of stuff she wanted to do with me and said she was really happy about everything and appeared really into the whole thing.

Then out of the blue, few days ago, she turns around to me and completely throws me by saying that I've been amazing, haven't put a foot wrong and she's had a great time and done things she's never done before, but the spark has gone and it's not working.

It's only been 7 weeks, so I've only really got to deal with the rejection thing as supposed to when you break up from long term relationships and there's the whole deep attachment thing.

The thing that is doing my head in, is that I can't quite work out how she was really happy and fine with me one day and then 3 days later has done a complete 180 and wants nothing to do with me. Which I find really confusing. Also, the fact that I can't really do anything about it either is also seriously irritating.

Anyway, no point being with someone that doesn't want to be with you, and I suppose although part of me wants her to come knocking saying she's made a mistake, there's also a part saying even if she did, the seeds of doubt have now been sown and would probably never work out again anyway.

Well, there you go. Thanks for listening to me ranting on! Any thoughts or similar stories about the oddness of women would be good but not necessary as I suppose this is a kind of forum therapy for me.

Take it easy

Oooooh just for the record, ummm, men have their oddness too --- comes from inability to speak the truth, which mosty comes from a lack of self awareness, which generally is a condition of immaturity that will either be grown out of.. or not! :p

Yeah, am well aware of this and have probably been guilty of it in the past too. Wasn't intended as a pop at women in general being odd which it might have sounded like.

Didn't make 2 months huh. Oh well, If you where in that deep in 7 weeks then you were moving way to fast. Next time don't talk that commitment or longterm stuff until after you get to know them. A years maybe. You should just be having fun and enjoying her company. I guess the pressure was enough to say adios!

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Originally Posted by tomtomtom

yeah, am well aware of this and have probably been guilty of it in the past too. Wasn't intended as a pop at women in general being odd which it might have sounded like.

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Good to know! And feel free to look over all the relationship threads here -- you can really learn a lot from everyone. :)

You probably suffocated her from moving way to fast. No need to see her everyday or even every other day.

Just go slow. As Val said there are heaps of threads here about going SLOW. If you move to fast invariably it will crash and burn.

We see it all the time. People fly into a relationship and totally commit to each other. Cease living their own life and spend every moment possible with their new "love"!

After about 2 - 3months one party has usually had enough and wants out. They come up with all the BS in the world about it isn't you its me, your great fantastic, I will love you forever etc etc. hahaha

Rubbish, they have simply had enough and want out so that is what they get.

So time to forget this and realise that it was only 7 weeks of your life and although it will hurt a little you will get over it in time.

And learn your lesson. Moving too fast will always result in this happening.

Going forward - our favorite word here at AMHD - GO SLOW!!

You go Fast and Furious - you will crash and burn!!

My advice for the first 3 to 6 months - keep them guessing - don't put THAT MUCH importance into it.

You SURRENDER and the game is over.

"i'd make it official and let her know that my intentions weren't solely based around a short term fling" - see, no mystery there.

Women want mystery - they want to think they don't quite have you.

GO SLOW!! Be busy. Even date others - that way you won't put as much inportance on them.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE - ALWAYS.

Don't let on to how much you like her - don't mortgage your sole to a stranger!! Don't be blind by love. Be a challenge - that's what she wanted.

Hopefully you haven't contacted her?? No contact.

I am going to post a great article o nanother thread that WILL take the confusion out of it for you. I just read it today and it's TOTALLY for you.

Another great word that is used here a lot and my personal favorite is BALANCE.

This is related to the going slow part.

You need to have balance in all aspects of your life in order to have a healthy relationship.

You shouldn't have to re-mould and change your way of living for a girl you have just met. As Cat says, don't sell your soul to a stranger. I like that. Because whether we realise it or not, it is exactly what they are.

It takes months, years to really get to know someone properly in my opinion. And even then you will always learn new and wonderful things about people. Im sure all the married couples here will tell you they are always learning new things about here partners. BUt the difference is they gave themselves time, went slow and had the right BALANCE that made it work.

If there is no balance then it will fall over!

I have a feeling gyou were trying to impress too much.

Too much contact - too many calls, e-mails, text?

You have to give her room to breath - make her miss you - especially early on. She needs her life as well.

Relationships are marathons - not sprints.

Cheers for all the advice people,

Quite surprised about some of the words of wisdom about. Liking the "don't sell your soul to a stranger" not that I did but good one to make a mental note of.

Also, the "You SURRENDER and the game is over." and "keep them guessing", probably a bit more appropriate to me and will also make note I think.

talaniman in response to your reply we weren't talking commitment or longterm stuff, we were generally just like you said having fun getting to know each other and talking about other fun stuff to do together in the shorterm.

The weird thing is that it didn't appear to be going to fast or anything like that. I felt I gave her the space and wasn't suffocating her, she was usually the one ringing me up wanting to see me. Obviously I was trying to impress her, but surely this is a natural thing to do when you first start seeing someone.

Maybe, I might have been a bit guilty of letting her know that I liked her when I should have from you lot have said have been more mysterious, but it wasn't like I was completely head over heals or anything like that and surely making compliments about things you like about women even in the first 7 weeks isn't a bad thing.

I'm not really in pain or hurt due the amount of time we were together. It was just really odd and confusing the speed at which it all changed. Arr well, probably best not to analyze it too much. It obviously wasn't meant to be, it was a fun 7 weeks and although I would have preferred it to have lasted longer, suppose I should just be content that it happened at all.

Cheers everyone, this thing is actually quite useful!