My son has lived with his dad and soon to be ex wife since he was 3 Hes 8 now. He says he wants to live with me now. His dad has tried to keep me from picking him up from school and from not talking to him on the phone. We have no paperwork for custody. We have always gotten along till now. He has my son scared saying he won't see me again. What do I do? Will I lose him do to the fact that he has lived with him and gone to school by him for years? Ive read that its possible that won't want to up root him from what he's use to... what do I do?

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Originally Posted by sjckdb275

My son has lived with his dad and soon to be ex wife since he was 3 Hes 8 now. He says he wants to live with me now. His dad has tryed to keep me from picking him up from school and from not talking to him on the phone. We have no paperwork for custody. We have always gotten along till now. He has my son scared saying he wont see me again. What do I do? will i lose him do to the fact that he has lived with him and gone to school by him for years? Ive read that its possible that wont want to up root him from what hes use to...what do I do?

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It is true that the courts won't want to disrupt the child's familiar settings unless there is proof of substantial harm or neglect to the children. Why does your son suddenly want to live with you? Is he being harmed or neglected at his father's?

Is the father actually concealing the child from you completely? Are you able to spend any time with him alone? If so, you need to get a custody order immediately. Are you paying child support?

I don't know what you mean by the question "Will I lose him..." He is your child; unless you are hurting him in some way, the courts will not strip you of your rights to be in his life.

His dad is going through a divorce and disrupting the arrangements we have had for years. The reason he wants to live with me I believe is because his dad is miserable to live with. My son sits before and after school care for one and also he doesn't do anything with him

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Originally Posted by sjckdb275

His dad is going through a divorce and disrupting the arrangements we have had for years. The reason he wants to live with me I believe is because his dad is miserable to live with. My son sits before and after school care for one and also he doesnt do anything with him

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Just saying "his dad is miserable to live with" isn't grounds for a placement change. What is his father doing specifically that would be grounds to move the child? Too many children tell the courts that they want to live with one parent simply because that parent is more lenient or buys them things.

What type of arrangement did you have in the past? How often are you seeing your child now? Is your ex actually keeping him away from you?

Agree with all that has gone on before this BUT go to Court and file for custody. The Court will arrange for all parties to be interviewed and a decision will be made in the best interest of the child.

He just started this past week not leting me talk to him. I see him every other weekend. He has said he's getting a lawyer and my son went to his teacher yesterday saying dad isn't leting him see me anymore. Its my weekend and I also took him this past weekend because I didn't get to talk to him last week The dad isn't doing anything but not being a good father in my eyes. Nothing probably the court would take him away for. Simply, he lives a hour away from everyone and I think its best that he lives with me so family can see him more and my son isn't unhappy. I don't think its right for him to keep him from everyone and be selfish and try and keep him from everyone cause he's unhappy. We have always just switched off on the weekends and I generally would take him on days off or spring breaks. Basically I need to find out if he keeps me from getting him and talking to him what should I do next? Im talking to a lawyer later today.

He just started this past week not leting me talk to him. I see him every other weekend. He has said he's getting a lawyer and my son went to his teacher yesterday saying dad isn't leting him see me anymore. Its my weekend and I also took him this past weekend because I didn't get to talk to him last week The dad isn't doing anything but not being a good father in my eyes. Nothing probably the court would take him away for. Simply, he lives a hour away from everyone and I think its best that he lives with me so family can see him more and my son isn't unhappy. I don't think its right for him to keep him from everyone and be selfish and try and keep him from everyone cause he's unhappy. We have always just switched off on the weekends and I generally would take him on days off or spring breaks. Basically I need to find out if he keeps me from getting him and talking to him what should I do next? Im talking to a lawyer later today.

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Originally Posted by sjckdb275

He just started this past week not leting me talk to him. I see him every other weekend. He has said hes getting a lawyer and my son went to his teacher yesterday saying dad isnt leting him see me anymore. Its my weekend and I also took him this past weekend because I didnt get to talk to him last week The dad isnt doing anything but not being a good father in my eyes. Nothing probly the court would take him away for. Simply, he lives a hour away from everyone and I think its best that he lives with me so family can see him more and my son isnt unhappy. I dont think its right for him to keep him from everyone and be selfish and try and keep him from everyone cause hes unhappy. We have always just switched off on the weekends and I generally would take him on days off or spring breaks. Basicly I need to find out if he keeps me from getting him and talking to him what should I do next? Im talking to a lawyer later today.

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As Judy already said, you need to have a custody and visitation order established immediately. If he interferes with your visitation when there is a court order, you can file to have him found in contempt.

Wanting your son to see your family more is also not grounds for a placement change. You say that he's not being a good father but haven't given any examples - does he speak ill of you to the child, does he neglect the child, does he abuse the child(physically, emotionally, etc.)?

He always talks bad about me and his stepmom. When he spoke to his teacher he told her to not call his dad cause he will get in trouble. His dad told my son he called the police on me when I picked him up this weekend. He told her it was OK to call me. He is always telling him when to talk and when he talks about things he don't want people to know about he is quick to yell at him. My parents notice how he seams scared when his dad is mentioned. I would think it's a form of emotional abuse

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Originally Posted by sjckdb275

He always talks bad about me and his stepmom. When he spoke to his teacher he told her to not call his dad cause he will get in trouble. His dad told my son he called the police on me when I picked him up this weekend. He told her it was ok to call me. He is always telling him when to talk and when he talks about things he dont want people to know about he is quick to yell at him. My parents notice how he seams scared when his dad is mentioned. i would think its a form of emotional abuse

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Can you give us specific examples of what he's saying? Again, while this might be poor parenting, it's not grounds to remove the child from his current home.

What is your son talking about that your ex is trying to keep quiet?

Does your son ever say that his father hits him?

Im not sure on the details of what he says. He says that he talks bad about me and that he is out of chances with him. That's coming from my 8 year old

Never says he hits him

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Originally Posted by sjckdb275

Im not sure on the details of what he says. he says that he talks bad about me and that he is out of chances with him. Thats coming from my 8 year old

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I don't see that as abuse. I count to three for my toddler and she knows she'd better start listening by the time I get to "three" because that's her last chance. That doesn't mean he's not a good father.

If you're going to try and get custody, I honestly don't see you winning because you have no grounds. Everything you've mentioned this far sounds like typical parenting: the telling him to be quiet is probably because your son is talking about something that's not appropriate; the telling him he's out of chances means your son probably wasn't listening.

You're claiming that your son says his father is "talking bad about you" but don't know what he's saying, which makes no sense. Ask your son what his father is saying, don't just skip on to the next topic.

Its hard to explain how someone is when they don't know how the person is in general. Thanks for the input.

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Originally Posted by sjckdb275

Its hard to explain how someone is when they dont know how the person is in general. Thanks for the input.

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I'm not trying to be mean or harsh, I just want you to understand how the courts are going to look at it. The courts don't factor in feelings and emotions; they want fact. If you're going to claim that he's speaking ill of you, they want actual proof of it. You can't make accusations like that and then back out of them with, "My son doesn't tell me what gets said, he just says it's bad."

This isn't about what you want, what the father wants, what your son wants. This is about what is in the best interest of the child. That's why I suggested that you go to Court and file a Motion. Let the Court evaluate all parties and make a decision on what is, in fact, best for the child.

It is entirely possible that your son is playing both ends against the middle or wants to live where there are fewer rules - and the Court needs to evaluate that, also.

How much support are you paying for your son?

Why not get in court and get the custody issue settled and also the support issue. You are paying support right?