I have been dating this married man for 5 years. He helped me get out of an abusive relationship and we have dated ever since. He has no children and has been married for 27 years. He is 15 years older than me. I have two girls and they don't know about this part of my life. He has been my secret for all this time. He always told me that he will be part of my life until I found someone else becaused he felt that he could not leave his wife since they been together sinces they were teens she was like "family". They are actually like roommates. Anyway, I have tried so hard to break this off for years, but this man is not only my lover he is my best friend and it has been so hard. God finally put a good man in my life so I broke up with my married boyfriend so that I can start dating this other man... The problem is that I can't get my married ex-boyfriend out of my mind, It's affecting my life and my new relationship. It's like I compare my new man to my ex-boyfriend in everything is driving me crazy. My married ex-boyfriend told me that he is now willing to divorce his wife that he realized how much he loves me and wants me to stop seeing this other guy, but I feel thaqt if I do that it will just go back to the same situation all over again and he won't leave his wife. Should I stay with my currecnt boyfriend and forget about the married man. Even though I am in love with my ex-boyfriend?

Go enjoy your life and stop being someone else's dirty little secret.

Have you no compassion for this man's WIFE?

It he wanted you then he would be coming home to you, and not his wife.

How would you like YOUR husband having a mistress?

Is the type of example you want to set for your little girls?

Sorry for being blunt, but you obviously know this is wrong.

Go do the right thing.

He's married. Do you know what marriage is? It's when two people make a lifelong commitment to each other.

He's a cheater and you're nothing but a bit of sex on the side. Of course he doesn't want you to leave him, he's got a good thing going, it's hard to find a new mistress.

Will he leave his wife? I doubt it. If that's what he wanted to do then he'd have done it already. You've been together 5 years and he's still with his wife, the woman he loves, the woman he's committed to. He has no other reason to be with her other then the fact that he loves her. Think about it.

You went after someone that wasn't available. You gave that man 5 years of you life, in secret, hiding, from yourself, your children and the woman he married.

You finally did the right thing and left, so keep doing the right thing and stay out of his life.

Leave the married guys alone, go after someone that is available. The woman he married doesn't deserve this, from him or from you.

Sorry I have no respect for a guy who takes another at a bad rime of their lives, and keeps them for his own use. You have gone from one abuser to another, and now your doing the same thing to another innocent person. Can't you see that?

This married guy wants to keep what he has, someone who depends on him, and you are finally getting something more, or a chance at it. Now he stands in your way. As to the other guy caught unknowingly in this selfish scheme, what can you give him? Already your torn, and why? Because in all this you have allowed yourself to be abused, not once, but twice, and as you finally see light at the end of the tunnel, you can't move to it. You have not healed at all in all these years, so now through your neglect of yourself, your stuck.

Leave the married guy alone, and be happy with yourself, for a change, and at least be happy enough with yourself, you have something good to share with another. The dependence of having someone to be happy has to end, so let it end with healing, and not dependency. That's just not fair to anyone, neither the new guy, or you.

You will do need the time between guys to find yourself.

I'm sorry before reading your post I know my answer... YES!

You are not being fair to anyone involved, least of all yourself. Believe you are better than playing second fiddle.

A good man, a good man doesn't cheat. Let you without sin cast the first stone right? Well I cheated in the past, it not only hurt others, it destroyed me. I had to re-evaluate everything I thought I knew about myself. I did this and though I do not regret the end of a relationship I deeply regret and feel real shame for my actions. Move on, now. You've ripped the plaster off, the hardest part is done, so let the air get to your wound and heal.

A married man is not a boyfriend, he is an affair. And no matter what he said, he never was going to leave his wife.

I think your best course of action is to not have a relationship with either man right now.

While you did the right thing in letting go of the married boyfriend, you did it only because you had another man to go to.

You cannot commit to a new relationship, when you haven't worked through getting over the other relationship.

I'm not going to suggest burning at the stake because you were with a married man. He too could have made better choices, but it is what it is.

Try to let go of both men. Let the new boyfriend know that you are not ready for a relationship and you need first to get over your last one. It is not fair to him.

Then let the married boyfriend know that you wish to remain single and unattached. I suspect that if you do that, he will stay married.

Gain or regain your independence, and take a breather from finding 'Mr. Right'. Stand on your own two feet, and make decisions based on what your needs are, not what your heart is telling you to do.

Both of these relationships are wrong, and two wrong relationships don't make a right one.

The married man wasn't a boyfriend,he was a married man who was cheating on his wife,and being a dreadful role model for his children.

As for ending it with him and jumping straight into a new relationship,that's not a good idea.

You need to take some time out and realise that you can be happy and single.

Here's what I think. You can't be alone. You're too afraid to be alone and you will always have that fear unless you face that fear and be alone for a while. You do not need a man to survive and HELLO!! He was married for the 5 years you were dating... if that's what you want to call it. I pretty much would call it a booty call. That's right sounds like you were just a booty call and now he needs his booty back. Don't be ridiculous, you can't go back to this man and ruin his marriage and be a home wrecker. I'm sure she does not know about you and I have to say you have had to have been doing some extremely big work to keep it secret for that long. How do you like the fact that he would come over, have sex with you, and then turn around take a shower so he could crawl into his nice cozy bed with his loving wife who is probably still having sex with him too? He may say she isn't but how would you know. Another woman's fluids could have penatrated your body, bet that's a nice thought too right. Just leave him be and get your life strait! Believe me I know what its like to pine after another's lover, I also know enough not to mess with a married woman too though.