Ask Me Help Desk - Says she's sorry,but can't be in a relationship right now

I've been seeing this girl which is 3 years my junior in collage for about a month now. The first couple of weeks were great, we went out together a couple of times, had dinner and all that stuff.. but then in the next few weeks, whan I tried to ask her out again (a couple of times), she said she couldn't because she was either busy or she had other plans with her friends, and she kind of treated me as if I was never there.. and finally, last week she called me to apologise for treating me that way, and she explained to me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now because she's so busy with her collage and part time work, that she just can't be in a relationship right now, but in fact, I've never even told her about my feelings for her.
She probably read the signs that I have feelings for her (well because I live in Jakarta, Indonesia, and she lives in Bogor, about 50km+ south of where I live, and I'd drive her home every time we went out, most of the times until really late at night), because she noticed my sacrifices for her.. she said that she felt really bad for the way she treated me these last couple of weeks, and she didn't want to lose contact with me, and hoped that we could still be friends.. the truth is, I love her because she can bring out the best in me, and has changed me into a better person..
But in 7 months time, I'm going to Australia to get my masters degree, and I'll be gone for a quite a while. So what should I do? Should I spend these last 7 months trying to forget her, or should I "just be friends" and in the end tell her about my true feelings before I go?:confused: or if there are other suggestions, I''l be glad to consider them. Thank you everybody for your time...

Personally, I would just continue being friends with you. Keep cool, keep that ice handy and please do not have a melt down. So right now, it does not really matter what you feel or think because you already knows what she thinks is important. Just remain friends with her, let her know that your going in 7 months but will like to keep intouch as friends. Leave it at that. Maybe in the future when life is not so hectic and maybe things would be different? I can not really say for sure. Remember though this is just my opinion. You need to follow your heart and decide for yourself what you need to do. No matter what anybody tells you here. Do what you think is best, we all have our own decisions and paths to take. You are the same. It is good to hear from an outside person because they do have a different way of looking at it. At the same time you need to work through this stuff in your head. What is best, what is not and so on.

Joe

Quote:

Originally Posted by A_Y

i've been seeing this girl which is 3 years my junior in collage for about a month now. the first couple of weeks were great, we went out together a couple of times, had dinner and all that stuff.. but then in the next few weeks, whan i tried to ask her out again (a couple of times), she said she couldn't because she was either busy or she had other plans with her friends, and she kinda treated me as if i was never there.. and finally, last week she called me to apologise for treating me that way, and she explained to me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now because she's so busy with her collage and part time work, that she just can't be in a relationship right now, but in fact, i've never even told her about my feelings for her.
she probably read the signs that i have feelings for her (well because i live in Jakarta, Indonesia, and she lives in Bogor, about 50km+ south of where i live, and i'd drive her home every time we went out, most of the times until really late at night), coz she noticed my sacrifices for her.. she said that she felt really bad for the way she treated me these last couple of weeks, and she didn't want to lose contact with me, and hoped that we could still be friends.. the truth is, i love her coz she can bring out the best in me, and has changed me into a better person..
but in 7 months time, i'm going to Australia to get my masters degree, and i'll be gone for a quite a while. so what should i do? should i spend these last 7 months trying to forget her, or should i "just be friends" and in the end tell her about my true feelings before i go?:confused: or if there are other suggestions, i''l be glad to consider them. thank you everybody for your time...

Ooops, wait and see, if she were interested , you would know

She might not be interested in a relationship with anyone. My daughter did this her first year in college... met some guys, but just didn't have the emotional energy to put into it at the time. It could be as legit as she says.

Or she could be letting you down easy. Had a girl tell me this once... and then she started dating someone like 2 mo later. So... all you know is she doesn't want to be serious right now.

I dlet her know you really like her, but don't go overboard. Gushing over her won't likely make her change her mind... and even if it did, do you really want to be with someone who needs to be absolutely gushed over to have them like you. The answer to that is no, regardless of how much it sucks.

Whatever you do, don't postpone the trip. Let her know you are available and then begin to back off. If she misses you, shell let you know. If she doesn't, then she wasn't that interested anyway.

First, I would warn you about falling in love after only a month, you don't know her that well and your moving to fast. She has told you to slow down and is right, she isn't ready for anything but friends so be one. Handle your business and date others. Keep your feelings to yourself, as it doesn't sound like she feels the same and it will work better if there was no pressure from you wanting more than she can give right now. Let time work for you and get to know her better... as a friend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by A_Y

i've been seeing this girl which is 3 years my junior in collage for about a month now. the first couple of weeks were great, we went out together a couple of times, had dinner and all that stuff.. but then in the next few weeks, whan i tried to ask her out again (a couple of times), she said she couldn't because she was either busy or she had other plans with her friends, and she kinda treated me as if i was never there.. and finally, last week she called me to apologise for treating me that way, and she explained to me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now because she's so busy with her collage and part time work, that she just can't be in a relationship right now, but in fact, i've never even told her about my feelings for her.

Two thoughts. The first is she's telling you the truth and doesn't want to get caught up in something while in college.

Second, she's using you as a back up plan in case she has another interest who doesn't work out. This kind of behavior falls into that category.

Quote:

Originally Posted by A_Y

she probably read the signs that i have feelings for her (well because i live in Jakarta, Indonesia, and she lives in Bogor, about 50km+ south of where i live, and i'd drive her home every time we went out, most of the times until really late at night), coz she noticed my sacrifices for her.. she said that she felt really bad for the way she treated me these last couple of weeks, and she didn't want to lose contact with me, and hoped that we could still be friends..

When did she say these things? After you started pulling away from her? If so I'd say you're a back up plan.

If you had not pulled away from her then I'd say she just doesn't want a college relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by A_Y

the truth is, i love her coz she can bring out the best in me, and has changed me into a better person..

You do not love her. Lust perhaps but not love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by A_Y

but in 7 months time, i'm going to Australia to get my masters degree, and i'll be gone for a quite a while. so what should i do? should i spend these last 7 months trying to forget her, or should i "just be friends" and in the end tell her about my true feelings before i go?:confused: or if there are other suggestions, i''l be glad to consider them. thank you everybody for your time...

At this time just be friends I suggest. But don't say anything before you leave. In fact don't offer so much of yourself at this time. You come across as someone that would do whatever she asked. Don't be that guy. Be the guy that she comes to and you can get back to her to see if she can fit into YOUR schedule.

Well, this was originally posted months ago, but I'll answer cause I was browsing through similar topics.

The simple truth in 2 answers:

1. She frankly is just not interested in you. She doesn't see you as a boyfriend.
2. You ARE indeed the backup plan. It's a sad reality, but it's the truth regardless.

How I know? A while ago, I was in your same situation. I'm an American male in my 20's and I met this nice girl. Had a great first date, and then things changed drastically. She said she was moving away and didn't want to get serious. After talking to her as "friend" (which is a dumb idea in the first place), I later came to find out that she wasn't really moving at all, and little by little I came to understand that she had feelings for some other guy. Perhaps nothing may have materialized with this other guy, but her heart was set on him before I came into the picture. Nothing you can do about that my friend. It's all about time and placement in this world. No one will change and if they do, they're going against every instinct they have.

Forget the "friends" business. That's a waste of time, and you're only messing with your mind even more.

Be friends with her! You can't just ruin a perfectly good friendship just because she's not ready for a relationship yet. She obviously likes you she just has other things in her life right then and can't be in a relationship right then and there. That my opinion. (: